If You Notice These 11 Things Missing From Someone's Home, They've Probably Been Through A Lot In Life
Not everyone's struggles are obvious on the surface.
Anastasiya Nedohonova | Shutterstock Sometimes, when you walk into someone’s home, it’s obvious that they’re happy. Their home is bright, welcoming, and clearly well-lived in, and it’s impossible not to feel more joyful in their intentional space. However, it’s also true that the opposite sometimes happens — where someone’s home feels representative of their dreary and unhappy state.
What about something in the middle? Or maybe, things that are clearly missing from a person’s space. Whether it’s a lack of family photos hung intentionally on the walls or a lack of clutter in the sterile space, if you notice these things missing from someone’s home, they’ve probably been through a lot in life.
If you notice these 11 things missing from someone's home, they've probably been through a lot in life
1. Family photos
ShotPrime Studio | Shutterstock
According to mental health counselor Jaclyn Gulotta, people who keep thoughtful family photos in their home often benefit socially, emotionally, and mentally. They’re always prompted to express gratitude and appreciate their loved ones, because reminders of them are scattered in their homes.
However, when these photos are a reminder of a traumatic past or a reflection of a past that someone’s ready to move forward from, they’ll be intentional about keeping them from their safe space. They might fill their home with other decor, but you’ll probably notice these frames and photos missing.
2. Decorative items
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
Decorations and general home decor are often reflective of a person’s story, identity, and self-expression. However, if you notice these things missing from someone’s home, they’ve probably been through a lot in life.
Of course, dealing with adversity and hardship can prompt resilience, according to a study from Frontiers in Psychiatry, but it can also keep people stuck in a survival mode that urges them away from perceived “non-necessities” like decor in their homes or resting during the week. They focus on their work, money, cleanliness, or control, even when these smaller things actually make a big difference.
3. Mirrors
Bahadir Yeniceri | Shutterstock
Many people who deal with unresolved trauma, insecurity, low self-esteem, and certain mental health struggles feel generally uncomfortable with themselves on a deep level. However, that discomfort can also extend to their appearance and outward expression, causing simple, unsuspecting behaviors like looking in a mirror to be incredibly triggering.
Constantly being around mirrors at home can also be triggering and difficult for people who deal with specific mental health struggles like body dysmorphia, according to a study from Behaviour Research and Therapy. So, if you notice mirrors missing from someone’s home, it could be a sign that they’ve been through a lot in life and are still working toward managing and healing from it all.
4. Ambient lighting
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock
According to a study from Scientific Reports, the light in someone’s home often influences mental health and mood. Fluorescent, sterile, bright lights sometimes serve a productive purpose, but can often craft stressful moods and routines if they’re always on in a home.
People who are stuck in a “survival mode” may not consider these small touches, even if they’re actually powerful for the vibe of the space. They’re too busy dealing with emotional chaos, unraveling their childhood trauma, or staying in control by being overly frugal with finances to consider investing in and putting up ambient lighting alternatives.
Their home is simply the place where they get ready, eat, and sleep, and is not a safe space for them to feel entirely aesthetically pleased and freely self-expressive.
5. Organized storage
Andrew Angelov | Shutterstock
For someone who’s dealing with a lot of mental turmoil or strain, it’s not unsurprising that their homes would reflect that chaos. Cleanliness and mental health are inherently interlinked, with things like clutter in a living space being both a symptom and a cause of unhappiness or stress.
If you notice organized storage or a system for managing clutter is missing from someone’s home, they’ve probably been through a lot in life, and are still dealing with the emotional and mental turmoil healing from it takes.
6. Tons of food options
MAYA LAB | Shutterstock
If someone doesn’t have a ton of food options in their kitchen, but instead the remnants of a single takeout container and a few random cans in the pantry, it could be a sign that they’ve been through a lot in life.
Of course, scarcity, like financial poverty or food insecurity, harms decision-making and mood in the present moment, but that mindset tends to follow people, even after they’ve been removed from the situation. They live in a chronic “scarcity mindset,” which may not only cause them to isolate themselves and focus on bare necessities but may also alter their grocery lists and habits.
7. Personal creative touches
PeopleImages | Shutterstock
Just like our cars or our clothing, our living spaces are representative of our personal identity and self-expression. We use artwork, decor, and color schemes in our homes to feel a sense of belonging and safety in these spaces.
However, if you notice these things missing from someone’s home, they’ve probably been through a lot in life. They may feel like the adversity and trauma they’ve faced play a stronger role in their identity than their preferences or interests, so, of course, their home reflects that lack.
8. A dining room table
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock
Our dining room tables are often the centerpiece of our homes, both literally and figuratively. They’re where we nourish our bodies, connect with loved ones, and sit down to intentionally share space with others.
However, if a person’s been through a lot in life, chances are they don’t have one. Whether it’s a symptom of their social isolation or a lack of intentionality, they often eat passively in a rush around their house or avoid bringing people into their home out of embarrassment, so of course, they don’t host dinners.
Of course, space in a home can also provide barriers to owning this kind of furniture, but lacking the symbolic fathering space could be a red flag of someone’s struggle and adversity in life.
9. Childhood keepsakes
Magic Lens | Shutterstock
Many of us have childhood keepsakes in our homes, whether they’re childhood blankets, family heirlooms, or birthday cards from loved ones. They bring us back to a happy place and remind us to be grateful for our lives, even when things are tough.
However, when these items spark “nostalgic depression,” bringing people back to tumultuous or unhappy moments in their lives, they’re much less productive and sentimental. They’re a reminder of the trauma or struggle that they’ve been through, so they’re not making space for them in their sacred space.
10. A sense of story
Miljan Zivkovic | Shutterstock
Many people’s living spaces innately craft a sense of their story, even if it’s not entirely intentional. From family photos on the walls, to family heirlooms scattered around the house, and clear spaces where they gather, create, and rest, it’s obvious that their homes are their own.
However, if you notice these things missing from someone’s home, they’ve probably been through a lot in life. Either they hide from and avoid remembering their past or feel a deep sense of discomfort in their “story,” so their home is a sterile and practical place for them, rather than a thoughtful mural of life.
11. Comfortable spaces
Monkey Business Images | Shutterstock
Having a safe space to unwind, connect, and relax at home is incredibly important for healing, whether you’re dealing with childhood trauma or simply coping with stress from a bad day at work. However, if you don’t notice these spaces in someone’s home, they’ve probably been through a lot in life and aren’t sure about how to intentionally craft that positive space for themselves.
Some people stuck in “survival mode” from dealing with constant adversity are always on the move. They avoid this solitude and respite, so they don’t have room for it in their living space.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
