People Who Crave Deep Connection But Need Endless Alone Time Usually Have These 11 Reasons
They prefer solitude over social time.
Rawpixel.com | Shutterstock Social connection, support, and interaction are incredibly important, according to a study from World Psychiatry — not just for relationship well-being, but also for mental and physical health. These relationships often bring a layer of joy to our lives that other habits and rituals simply can’t live up to.
However, from being introverted to struggling with social anxiety, people who crave deep connection but need endless alone time usually have these reasons. While some of these experiences are rooted in a general enjoyment of alone time and a need to reflect, regulate, and enjoy space on their own, others are a struggle — isolating people from the relationships and social interactions they need to thrive.
People who crave deep connection but need endless alone time usually have these 11 reasons
1. They're introverts
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Many introverted people have a strong preference for solitude because their social battery drains faster than the average person, making social events and superficial conversations painstakingly harder than they are for an extroverted person. Passive social interactions that lack depth are draining for these introverts, even if they’re exciting or energizing for others.
They crave deep connection and tend to enjoy their cherished relationships, largely because this kind of connection is more sustainable and important for introverts. They may be drained by small talk, but when it comes to true connection, they’re willing to indulge.
2. They're getting too old for fake friends
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Considering self-esteem tends to steadily increase through a person’s middle age, it’s not surprising that they start to avoid fake friendships and let go of people who no longer add value to their lives as they get older.
They’re comfortable being alone and spending time with their own company — they don’t need friends that drain them or make life unnecessarily harder. Of course, they crave the deep social connections that everyone does with age, but they’re not willing to sabotage their own well-being or time to force those kinds of connections onto fake friends.
3. They have high standards
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People who crave deep connection but need endless alone time usually have high standards, but also a strong sense of internal confidence. They’re not willing to falter on their own standards for the sake of having a partner or a group of friends, so they rely on their alone time and solitude to unwind and entertain themselves.
They’re not afraid of being alone, because it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re lonely — it just means they haven’t found the kind of people whom they would choose to spend their time with on a daily basis.
4. They're incredibly self-aware
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Many incredibly self-aware people tend to get caught up in their heads during passive, casual social interactions and subsequently feel more isolated, even when they’re around other people. They crave deep connection and mental stimulation, but often don’t get it from their everyday conversations, which is why alone time becomes too important.
Their self-awareness surely adds value to the right relationships and connections, but sometimes it can urge them into solitude, feeling pressure to regulate and overthink their daily interactions.
5. They're highly sensitive
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Psychologist Virginia Thomas argues that highly sensitive people often need more alone time than the average person, even though their social connections are often characterized by depth, emotion, and meaning. Not only do they typically need to cope with the overstimulation of their daily lives, but they also need space to regulate their emotions and process information.
They feel things incredibly deeply, so it’s not surprising that they need more time and space to de-stress and unpack their feelings on a daily basis.
6. They put their all into their relationships
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People who crave deep connection but need endless alone time usually put their all into these relationships and friendships. They’d prefer to spend their social time diving deep with close friends, emotionally supporting others, and getting vulnerable rather than wasting their energy on small talk that lacks depth.
When they’re in, they’re all in, so it’s not surprising that they need some alone time to focus on themselves as well.
7. They're incredibly empathetic
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When they’re not intentional about deep connections and meaningful relationships, true empaths’ kindness can be easily taken advantage of by superficial people who lack the depth of a great connection.
According to licensed marriage and family therapist Teyhou Smyth, empaths are often at a heightened risk for emotional exhaustion and burnout because they tend to give so much of themselves to others. They’re highly emotional and often put themselves in others' shoes to support them through their struggles, sometimes without receiving it in return.
That’s why alone time is so incredibly important for these people. They crave deep connection and want to help others, but need their alone time to reflect, regulate, and look after themselves.
8. They're socially anxious
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According to a study from the Journal of Anxiety Disorders, people with social anxiety still tend to enjoy and gain a lot of positive benefits from social interactions, but they do tend to struggle with anxiety and isolation when promoting them.
Whether it’s saying “yes” to plans from the comfort of their home to struggling with anxiety and overthinking tendencies in conversations, they may crave this deep, positive connection, but need endless alone time to prepare themselves for it.
9. They value quality over quantity
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Rather than trying to accumulate the largest social circle or fill their entire calendar to cope with internal insecurities, people who crave deep connection but need endless alone time may simply prefer quality relationships or quantity.
They’re not worried about people-pleasing and making everyone like them, because they prefer to bond, connect, and cultivate depth with a handful of people that add value to their lives without sabotaging their solitude.
10. They're deeply spiritual
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People who crave deep connection but need endless alone time may be deeply spiritual or creative. They need alone time to connect with that deeper version of themselves, indulging in creative rituals or spiritual hobbies that add a layer of intentionality, mindfulness, and authenticity to their lives.
To stay connected with who they are, make space for spiritual rituals and practices, and even to reflect on the relationships they cultivate with social time, they need to protect and prioritize their alone time.
11. They're recovering people-pleasers
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People who regularly people-please to protect other people’s peace and comfort, while simultaneously putting theirs at risk, often experience emotional burnout, isolation, and exhaustion at some point in their lives.
However, people who appreciate the depth and support of connection, but are also recovering people-pleasers, may make a greater effort to protect their own time and space. They aren’t afraid to say “no” to social plans that interfere with their self-care or to put alone time first on their weekend to-do list. Their own needs come first.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
