If You Notice These 11 Things At A Friend's House, They're Struggling More Than They Admit
Your friend may be suffering in silence.
DimaBerlin | Shutterstock Sometimes, the people we care about most do a good job of hiding how much they're dealing with, especially behind closed doors. They'll smile, laugh, and joke in your face as if everything is fine, but inside, they're fighting a battle that can feel overwhelming and exhausting for them. That's why it's important to pay attention to what's going on inside of their house, as a space can reveal a lot about a person's mental health.
Whether it's clutter all around their home, dirty dishes piled high in the sink, or laundry that remains untouched in the corner of their room for weeks on end, if you notice these things at a friend's house, they're struggling more than they admit. These little things are often a reflection of just how much the stress of their lives have gotten to them; it shows that they're barely keeping it together, and noticing these things is often the first step in being there to support them.
If you notice these 11 things at a friend's house, they're struggling more than they admit
1. Odd food habits
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You can see that a friend is struggling based on the state of the food in their home. Their fridge could be nearly empty, with random scraps that aren't enough for an actual meal, or the second you walk through their front door, you notice half-empty takeout boxes littering the countertops.
It's a sign that they're not able to take care of themselves enough to actually go grocery shopping or make meals that don't require them to just get on their phone and order them right to their door.
Research from Cureus has shown that having a more healthy and balanced diet means decreased depressive symptoms, which means that eating the complete opposite will only end up making things worse. At first, it's easy to think your friend is just being lazy, but a deeper look will tell you that your friend may not be doing as well as they'd like everyone around them to believe.
2. Old bills on the counter
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If you notice unpaid bills on the counter at a friend's house, they're struggling more than they admit. It can be easy to just dismiss it as them being forgetful, but usually it's a bigger sign that they aren't really trying to prioritize important things.
Being able to manage bills is part of adult life, so when someone is struggling, it might be a bit harder for them to get on these tasks, which end up making them pile up quite quickly.
It may seem like procrastination at first, but neglecting bills means a person might feel too heavy to handle something like that right now. It might remind them of life's pressures and the fact that it's way easier for them to push that aside than actually confront them.
A few bills on the counter may be normal, but having piles and piles of them may be more of a cause for concern than anything else.
3. Laundry everywhere
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If you walk into your friend's house and notice piles of clothes everywhere, from the chair in the corner of their room to all over the floor, it might be more than them just forgetting to do their laundry. You can't even tell if the clothes are clean and dirty, but it's usually a sign of something much deeper that they can't even keep up with their daily routine.
According to a YouGov survey, most people have admitted to often and always doing their own laundry, but there are times when life just gets a bit overwhelming, and even simple tasks like washing and folding clothes can feel quite impossible.
Seeing laundry piling up is usually not always about laziness, but about the mental and emotional fatigue a person might be feeling.
4. Too many dying plants
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When visiting your friend's house, if you immediately notice that some, if not all, of their plants are dying, it might be a sign of their declining mental health, especially if they're someone that enjoys taking care of their plants. While they may have had enough energy and motivation to take care of their plants before, something must have changed in their life to cause them to suddenly neglect a task that once brought them immense joy.
It's not that they're just being forgetful, but the fact that the hobbies they once enjoyed doing are now slipping through their fingers. They simply can't find the energy to tend to a small, everyday task, and as their friend, it might be time to offer a little bit of help so they know that support will always be there.
5. An unkempt bathroom
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When someone might be feeling overwhelmed and drained, the small task of wiping down their sink, scrubbing their toilet, cleaning the shower, and even mopping the floor can feel like too much. If you enter your friend's home and notice that their bathroom seems messier than usual, it might have more to do with their overall well-being than you might think.
While a survey from YouGov found that half of respondents admitted to cleaning their toilets weekly (51%), followed by bathroom/toilet sinks (48%) and shower units (40%), it doesn't erase the fact that sometimes the most basic routines are hard for people that can't seem to find joy in their life.
A bathroom that is left unkempt means that your friend might be going through things that are preventing them from caring about keeping their space clean, especially the space they have to use to clean themselves.
6. A smelly fridge
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A smelly fridge full of old and expired food is usually the biggest sign that someone might be struggling. They simply don't have the energy or mental power to get up and clean out their fridge, throwing away the food that isn't good anymore, so instead, it ends up stinking up their kitchen, and even other areas of their home.
It's not that they're being messy or downright careless, but that life might be a bit too tough for them at the moment to tackle the basic upkeep of their home. It can be easy to start judging, but the best thing that you can do for your friend is take the initiative to at least help them clean their fridge.
Just being the kind of person who checks in, offers them a meal, and sits with them can make the biggest difference with how they feel. The smallest gesture can show someone that no matter how hard life gets, there are still people willing to step in and help when the time is needed.
7. Unclean shoes by the door
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If you notice unclean shoes by the door at a friend's house, they're struggling more than they admit. Walking into a friend's home and noticing that not only do they have a plethora of shoes taking up space by their front door, but they look as if they haven't been cleaned in quite some time can reveal a lot about their mental and emotional state.
Normally, at least wiping down shoes is a routine we may tend to ignore, but when it's consistently being neglected, it may show that your friend's energy levels are being stretched too thin in other directions that they can't even keep up with the smallest of chores.
Sometimes it's not just the state of their shoes, but the lack of habit surrounding them. The piles never seem to get sorted, shoes are just thrown haphazardly, and it seems as if your friend doesn't have the capacity to try and organize them in any way at all. It might seem small and irrelevant, but these things can almost always be a mirror into how their mental load is doing.
8. Half-read books lying around
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When you immediately notice the half-read books scattered around your friend's home, it could be a sign that something may be off. They might have a few books just laying around different spots of their home, and they look untouched for weeks.
This might be even more concerning if your friend is someone that enjoys reading and is never the type to start multiple books at one time, only to leave them unread in random spots of their home. It shows that they might not have the energy at all to actually sit down and absorb the words on the page.
To them, it feels like too much of a task when, at one point, it might have been something they actually enjoyed doing. While an NPR/Ipsos poll found that most people enjoy reading, and even want to get better at it, when life circumstances get in the way, it can be hard to find the time and the motivation.
Rather than judging this habit, they might actually have something on their chest that feels too heavy for them to admit out loud. That heaviness is even preventing them from doing something they have always loved.
9. Missing artwork on the walls
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A subtle way that someone might be struggling is the lack of personal touches that are in their home. Every wall in their house is lacking some sort of art work or decor, and they don't seem to have any inkling to decorate or even add some self-expression to their home that they spend a lot of time in. When you notice these things are absent from your friend's home, it can make the space feel bare and cold, almost like a reflection of how they feel inside.
There are many ways that home decor can help your mood, including creating a sense of warmth and comfort that can help promote feelings of well-being. But if your friend doesn't care about their space or having it reflect any parts of creativity, then it might be time to offer them a lending hand when it comes to filling up their bare walls.
Who knows? Maybe it could be the first step to getting them out of their funk.
10. Overflowing trash
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Similar to the expired food in their fridge, if you notice overflowing trash at a friend's house, they're struggling more than they admit. It might seem like a minor thing, but when someone is too drained to the point where they neglect other parts of their lives, the chore of taking out the trash can feel overwhelming.
Trash piling up means your friend is truly trying to keep it together but is having a hard time doing that. Because when life feels heavy, the list of things that need to be taken care of slid down the priority list. The mess ends up growing and growing until, before they know it, it's starting to affect how they live.
A casual offer to help, just like with the expired food in their fridge, can help alleviate some of that stress they might be feeling. "The cornerstone of social support is connectedness, so those with strong social support feel less isolated and more connected. When you see someone struggling, the goal is to set aside your thoughts and feelings and focus on theirs for a moment," explained clinical psychologist Seth Meyers.
11. Half-empty bottles
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If you enter your friend's home and notice upon entry that they seem to have a graveyard of half-empty bottles of different drinks, from water to soda, it can reveal more about their mental state than they're willing to talk about. Leaving drinks around instead of finishing them or throwing them out means that your friend might be feeling too overwhelmed to take care of the environment around them.
They're clearly drinking through the day but don't have enough time to actually tidy up. They might be running on autopilot or it just feels too much for them to move enough to throw them away.
Whatever the case may be, as their friend, being able to remind them that they're not alone can make the biggest difference in taking that first step to change their circumstances.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
