11 Little Habits That Are Making You Way More Anxious Than You Need To Be
Don't make your anxiety worse with these behaviors.
Freddy Rezvanian | Unsplash I suffer from anxiety hard and still have my moments. That’s fine. Managing anxiety isn’t about never having anxiety; it’s about making peace with reality.
Ultimately, anxiety is a label we’ve made up to describe the physical experience of stressful thoughts. It needn’t be a big deal, but we make it so. Here are ways you may be inadvertently making your anxiety worse.
Here are 12 little habits that are making you way more anxious than you need to be:
1. Making anxiety your identity
You’re not an "anxious person." You just have occasional anxious feelings. Your identity as an anxious person is cementing your suffering for life.
Most people use anxiety as an excuse for their failures. You’re stronger than that. When anxiety defines who you are, you may begin to believe you are emotionally weak and helpless to change your circumstances.
This conviction can lead to a cycle of withdrawal and increased dependency on others. Research has found that over time, you lose confidence in your ability to cope, reinforcing the belief that you are fundamentally anxious.
2. Taking every single one of your thoughts seriously
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Here’s the reality of being human: we will continually have all kinds of thoughts, negative and positive, arising in us from now until the day we die. We can’t do anything about this.
We can, however, let go of the need to latch onto every thought that floats up. We hook in because we buy into the seriousness of thoughts. Don’t. Let them go, and you will be free.
3. Moving in a quick, jumpy manner
The relief you are looking for starts in the body. Shake it out, but then slow down, walk like Daniel Craig's James Bond, drop your shoulders, and breathe shallow and slow. Your mind will follow, and your anxiety will fade.
When you feel anxious, you might involuntarily move in a jerky manner, which can then be interpreted by your brain as a signal of a real threat. Research has concluded that when we feel threatened, the body's sympathetic nervous system activates the fight-or-flight response.
4. Holding your breath
We’ve developed a survival trick to breath-hold when we’re scared. And for a good reason. We didn’t want big saber-toothed bigfoot sensing us as it sloped past.
But we still do it, often unnecessarily. If you feel nervous, don’t stop breathing. Let it flow in and out of you like you’re slowly inflating a kiddie pool. The breath is your tool for calm. Holding it will harden and silence you, but it will not relax you.
5. Self-obsessing
Many of us inadvertently make our anxiety worse because we turn our attention to ourselves and our problems. "I need to fix this," you say. "I have a problem here that requires healing and work."
No. Your thinking that you need fixing will keep you unnecessarily anxious. Focus on your work, exercise, and help (and calm) other people, and the suffering will diminish.
6. Avoiding mistakes
If we’re overly concerned with not making mistakes, we get nervous. Why? Because avoidance is pressure, and pressure in the body is felt as anxiety.
Research has concluded that avoidance provides temporary relief from anxiety, which reinforces the behavior. The brain learns that avoiding the fear-inducing situation makes the bad feeling go away.
Allow yourself to lose; to fail; to look bad. You must. Take this in small steps. The cure to your pain is your willingness to look ‘stupid.’.
7. Watching the news
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You know they make money from your anxiety, right? There will always be bad news. You don’t need to be continually informed.
The important stuff will reach you. Watching this stuff programs you to seek out what’s wrong in the world — a habit that transfers into real life. That can’t be healthy.
8. Believing anxiety is externally driven
I was an anxious wreck in my late teens and twenties because I believed the lie that other people and my perceived failures had the power to lower my self-esteem. Nope. It’s all in the mind. Other people can do whatever they like. My stress is only guaranteed when I take stuff personally and worry.
Theories like the Metacognitive Model have described anxiety by interrupting normal emotional processing and strengthening beliefs about the unmanageable nature of one's own worries. The distress created by worry can be momentarily relieved by the non-occurrence of feared outcomes.
9. Tightening your belly
Years of evolution taught us that safety in the face of danger is to tighten our bellies. We still do it when there is merely a perceived threat. The funny thing is, when we tighten our stomachs, we make ourselves more anxious.
Let go of this strain. Breathe into your belly and your groin and allow the tension to shudder out of you. Your anxiety, too, will fade.
The same feedback loop that amplifies anxiety can be used to reverse it. Research shows that deliberately relaxing the abdomen and practicing belly breathing is a highly effective way to calm your nervous system.
10. Drinking caffeine
Caffeine in moderation, please. If you’re frequently anxious and barely sleep, it’s an absolute no-no. Caffeine is a plant poison that makes you release stress hormones.
For people prone to anxiety, caffeine's physical side effects can cause a dangerous feedback loop. A South Korean study found that higher caffeine consumption was associated with higher levels of anxiety. This link was stronger in students experiencing academic stress and reduced sleep.
But it’s also awesome as all heck in small doses. So you decide. But if you’re on four cups and wondering why you’re anxious, consider the source.
11. Needing certainty
I always struggled with the icky feeling of not knowing what was coming next. I needed control, or I’d feel out of control and awkward. I’d compensate by planning my words and actions.
Welcome to Anxiety-Central. The most relaxed people are okay with not knowing; they hold fewer plans in their minds, and they have quiet faith in receiving what they need when they need it. You’re free when you reconnect with this inner guidance system. Listen. Be receptive. It’s there.
Alex Mathers is a writer and coach who helps you build a money-making personal brand with your knowledge and skills while staying mentally resilient. He's the author of the Mastery Den newsletter, which helps people triple their productivity.
