If You’ve Ever Been Called 'Too Intense' For These 11 Reasons, You’re Probably Smarter Than You Think
GaudiLab / Shutterstock We all handle our emotions differently, and some people feel more intensely than others. The reactions to this behavior are mixed. There are those who find it frustrating and difficult to work with people they consider to be too intense. However, there are pros to having these personality traits, and if you've ever been called too intense, there's a good chance you're actually smarter than you think.
If you are often given this label because of the way you approach things, there may be some positive aspects to it that others do not understand. If you are constantly asking questions or searching for the best way to approach a situation, you are probably smarter than you think. While some may critique you and find your more intense feelings annoying, you are actually practicing habits that put you ahead. If you find yourself being told that you are too much by those around you for these reasons, it’s time to think more positively about them.
If you’ve ever been called 'too intense' for these 11 reasons, you’re probably smarter than you think
1. You ask too many questions
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Let’s be honest. Being around someone who asks a lot of questions can be frustrating. However, it’s important we dig deep for patience with people like this. If someone is asking a lot of questions, they want to make sure they fully grasp a topic. It isn’t to intentionally get under someone’s skin. If you’re asking, you want to learn.
Some people may view those who are overly questioning as ‘smart alecs’ or ‘know-it-alls,’ but in reality, they are actually smarter than most think. If you find yourself wanting to make sure you fully understand something and ask as many questions as you can to learn about it, you are smarter than people give you credit for.
2. You overthink situations
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We’ve all heard stereotypes about overthinkers. Many assume that they are ‘too intense’ instead of understanding why they think things through so deeply. According to psychology, overthinkers may have some of the same strengths modeled by great innovators of the past. They are more open to thinking deeply. Many people struggle to think deeply. Putting in the effort feels exhausting. Overthinkers are willing to thoroughly process their thoughts and opinions before voicing them.
Overthinkers are willing to revisit topics and put more effort into involving their opinions on them. If you like to review your thoughts and look for new explanations, you are probably smarter than you think. Overthinking has its downsides, but in these moments, it makes you a wiser person.
3. Your standards are too high
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Having high standards is viewed as a positive in most situations. However, aiming for perfectionism can be frustrating for some. Whether it’s with another person, yourself, or your job performance, you may be looking for only the best. Seeking to fulfill high expectations makes you a high achiever. You set goals and reach them.
You also only get involved with people who meet your expectations. This can protect you from getting involved in relationships that do not serve you. Being picky about the people you let into your circle can pay off, even if others view it as too intense.
4. You are overly emotional
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When you are ‘too intense,’ you likely feel things deeper than the average person. Incidents and thoughts that wouldn’t bother the typical person stick with you. It’s not a bad thing, though some people may struggle to be around you, and will let you know they find you intense. There are many advantages to feeling things deeply. It makes you a more empathetic person, and you’re likely smarter than you think.
“People who feel more deeply and intensely than others are more aware of subtleties; their brain processes information and reflects on it more deeply. People with emotional intensity are sometimes described as sensitive, caring, and attentive. At their best, they can be exceptionally perceptive, intuitive, and keenly observant of the subtleties of the environment. Yet they are also overwhelmed by the constant waves of social nuances and others' emotional and psychic energies,” says Imi Lo, MA, for Psychology Today.
5. You express yourself with brutal honesty
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People react to the overly honest in different ways. Sometimes, their own feelings can be hurt by the way they are treated. This is true for people going through difficult times, like a breakup or job loss. When someone responds, ‘To be brutally honest…’ and follows with harsh advice, it can sting. However, most overly honest people have good intentions behind their words, even if they cut like a knife at times.
People who are brutally honest are unfiltered. They want to help people the best they can, but may not always deliver it most nicely. This isn’t a bad thing, though you should be mindful of how it reads to the people in your life. You may be smarter than you think, offering much-needed advice to those who need it most.
6. You're too detail-oriented
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Have you ever been assigned a task at work to complete with a co-worker? This person is highly detail-oriented and strives to do their best on every little detail. Meanwhile, you want to get things done as quickly as possible, but the process takes longer because your partner is looking over every detail, making sure everything is perfect. This can be labeled as ‘too intense,’ but for the detail-oriented person, it’s simply how they operate.
Being detail-oriented means you are probably smarter than you think. If you’re the person who may slow others down by sorting over everything, you’re not as intense as others may say. Instead, you are thorough. You check your own work and ensure everything is done correctly. It’s a great trait to have.
7. You are stubborn
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Do you have a hard time letting go of your opinions? Is it hard for you to give in and do things the way others suggest? Are you prone to holding a grudge? These are all signs that you may be a stubborn person. There are people you will encounter who find this behavior ‘too intense.’ However, there are positive sides to stubbornness that may make you smarter than you think.
Roberts Evan Wilson Jr. wrote that being stubborn is a fake experience. Instead of viewing your position as stubbornness, see it as assertive. You know what you want and are working hard to get it. It does not mean you are too intense.
8. You are highly observant
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Highly observant people can be guilty of thinking more than they speak. They are taking on the world around them. People may find it too intense. They may say they can’t get a good read on you because you are always processing more than verbalizing. However, being observant makes you smarter than you think.
Observant people are resilient. “I sometimes think that we forget how much we learn through observing the world around us. Every baby learns how to talk, walk, and socialize through observation. Just like babies, we can continue to learn through observation if we choose to remain open to what is around us,” says Madelyn Blair, Ph.D., for Psychology Today. “Highly resilient people tend to take advantage of what is around them and learn from it.”
9. You get frustrated by inefficiency
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Working with someone you find inefficient is frustrating. You’d rather do things your way because you have found a process that works for you. Whether that’s directions when driving or doing projects a certain way, being set in your ways is not always a bad thing. However, for others, it can be viewed as too intense. Taking control and being frustrated by inefficiency can be a good thing. It may make you smarter than you think.
Those who struggle with efficiency lack confidence and struggle to stay true to themselves. If you are someone bothered by this, you simply want to get things accomplished in the best way possible. You are smart and want to work that way.
10. You get lost in your thoughts
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Someone smarter than they think will find themselves struck in their own heads often. They are brewing over their thoughts. They are questioning everything they know to ensure they grasp concepts correctly. If you find yourself lost in your thoughts, trying to perfect an idea, or reflecting on something you’ve learned, you may get called ‘too intense.’ In reality, you are trying to deepen your understanding.
Some people may find this frustrating. They may be asking you about something else, or have grown frustrated talking about the same thing over and over. While that may be understandable, you’re not ‘too intense’ for getting lost in your thoughts, further analyzing something.
11. You are hyper-focused
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Some people struggle to talk to people who hyper-focus on one specific task or topic. They may no longer want to talk about it, or are sick of putting effort into the same thing time after time. It’s easy to use the phrase ‘too intense’ when describing someone like this, but they may have a secret superpower. If you are someone who stays focused and puts everything you have into that topic or task, you are probably smarter than you think.
Hyper-focus is common in people with ADHD, but anyone can find themselves in that state. It’s described as a state where “a person becomes so absorbed in an activity that they tune out to everything around them,” per the ADDA. “This usually occurs when the person is engaging in something they find fun, rewarding, and stimulating. It’s also linked to an immense sense of satisfaction and happiness.”
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
