7 Things Happy People Focus On That Most Miserable Folks Dismiss
The happiest people don't wait around for joy to find them, they find what matters and focus in on it.
Mariela Ferboc | Unsplash My son flew home recently and told me how he arrived at his seat and promptly put on headphones to avoid talking to anyone. I explained that a recent study found that those who talk to the person beside them on a plane or train arrive happier. He wasn't buying it.
We all know that doing meaningful work, being with people you love, and avoiding all things toxic increase happiness. Then there are unexpected things, like talking to strangers on planes, that increase happiness.
7 things deeply happy people focus on that miserable folks dismiss:
1. Experiences that pay off like investments
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You may know experiences (like your last vacation trip) make you happier than things, like your lovely new sofa. What you may not know is that buying things related to experiences, like the tracking device for those long runs I love, creates and enhances happiness more than buying non-experiential products.
Memo to self: the last pretty watch I bought neither created nor enhanced my experience of anything. So be careful about what experiences you are buying.
2. Other people's good fortune
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Being positive and excited about someone else's good news not only makes them happier, but it makes you happier too. We really can bask in the glow of a friend or partner's success.
This also means that sharing good news makes the receiver happier if they're able to embrace it. So blow your own horn and reap the benefits of feeling good about your accomplishments and about sharing them with someone who will share your enthusiasm.
3. The choices in front of them
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Popularized by psychologist Barry Schwartz, "satisficers", those able to choose from only a few selections, are happier than maximizers, those who must look under every rock to uncover all possible choices when they make a purchase.
And closely related, selecting from only a few items you look at together makes you happier than choosing from the same number if you view them separately. So pick the rug from one store, looking at their small selection, instead of going to five stores or a store with a ginormous selection. You'll be happier with your choice. Bonus: It takes a lot less time to satisfice.
4. The beauty of imperfection and 'good enough'
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I know how tempting it is to dot every "i" and cross every "t." It seems like you'll be happy once you do. The truth is, it's impossible to get there and painful to keep trying.
As Daniel Gilbert points out in Stumbling on Happiness, if you seek perfection in everything, all you'll have left is mathematics and the White Album. Let go of your need for the perfect painting, boyfriend, or haircut. You'll notice you can live with what you have and enjoy it without feeling that striving for perfection is killing you.
5. Some degree of discomfort
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I love a warm house, cozy chair, and binging on Netflix as much as the next person. But doing it all the time would dull my senses, numb my brain, and relax me into a coma.
You've got to get out and challenge yourself to achieve new things. By being active in pursuing new experiences and new knowledge, you are better able to maintain your happiness.
6. Happiness as a goal rather than a constant state
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According to happiness expert Sonja Lyubomirsky, happy people "do not just sit around being contented. They make things happen. They pursue new understandings, seek new achievements, and control their thoughts and feelings."
You determine your destiny by deciding to be happy, creating opportunities to enjoy life, and addressing problems that get in your way. So schedule dinner with friends, talk to someone about your uncomfortable feelings, or set a new goal for yourself.
7. Enjoying the journey
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In his book, Happier, Ben-Shahar says, "Life is rarely shaped by some extraordinary life-changing event; rather, it is shaped incrementally, experience by experience, moment by moment."
You do not need to win the lottery to be happy. You must savor the positive experiences that occur daily, whether it's a sunset or a friend throwing her head back and laughing hysterically at your lame joke. Take a moment to be present and relish each positive event.
So the next time you're on a plane, take out those earbuds for a few minutes and bump up your happiness, it's science.
Dr. Judith Tutin is a psychologist and certified life coach who offers life coaching and psychotherapy services to address divorce recovery, relationship stress, parenting challenges, work-life balance issues, health and wellness concerns, and living a happy and fulfilled life.
