If Strangers Open Up To You Quickly, You Probably Have These 10 Rare Traits
Raushan_films / Shutterstock Most of us know (or are) a person who seems to get everyone to open up to them. Sometimes, they don’t even need to say anything. They just sit down next to you and start talking away, acting as if you are their personal therapist and friend. It’s a bizarre experience to witness, and even stranger to have to deal with.
Many people wonder what makes some people an “instant therapist” while others just seem to get people to clam up. I decided to do a little digging around. Here’s what I was able to come up with to explain this bizarre phenomenon.
If strangers open up to you quickly, you probably have these 10 rare traits
1. A trustworthy face
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True story: I had an ex who was a diagnosed sociopath, but he had the innate ability to get everyone to open up to him. The reason why was pretty obvious, since people even remarked on it. Everyone who saw him would say, “You have such a kind face. I feel like I could trust you with my life.”
It was true. He had soft features, round eyes, and just looked like a sweet, smiling, squishy teddy bear. It even fooled me. Sadly, appearances may be deceiving, but studies show that the Halo Effect of believing a good-looking person to be decent is very much a thing.
2. An aura of stability
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I can say that there is one thing that will often make people not tell you much: an aura of instability. Even when people who are insecure and jittery have your best intentions in mind, that aura of desperation might drive people to clam up. The opposite is also true.
Studies confirm that people avoid people who seem desperate or too quick to “chase” a person. According to that same study, the cure for this is to learn how to detach and walk away from a person who isn’t really working with you. Part of that attraction is because you seem to be more stable. You don’t need people. You’ve got your own thing you do.
3. High emotional intelligence
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EQ, also known as Emotional Quotient, is the emotional intelligence version of IQ. It’s a measure of how emotionally aware you are, how well you can “read a room” and how smart you are with interpersonal skills. A person with a high EQ generally has few issues with getting people to do what they want.
If you have a high EQ, chances are high that people readily open up to you without you even having to ask much. People who have a high EQ are naturally “people persons,” which comes with the perks of being a little more magnetic than most.
4. Non-judgmental vibes
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Most people I know are shy about sharing their feelings with others because they worry about being judged or seen as “less than.” It’s true for everyone: men who are worried about dating, women who are dealing with job issues, and kids struggling in school. Judgement is scary!
Social Anxiety, or the fear of being judged, is one of the most common types of anxiety out there. If you’re notorious for being non-judgmental and making people feel safe to chat with you, chances are that you are popular as a confidante.
5. An ability to keep secrets
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There are few things as awful as telling someone a major secret, only to see them spill it to others without a second thought. This is one reason why people tend to stay mum. If they think you’ll drop the tea fast, there’s no way in heck that they will let you know what’s going on.
Almost everyone is keeping a secret, the most common secret genre being the lies we’ve told other people. 69 percent of people have kept a lie a secret. The more you’re known for keeping your lips locked, the more trustworthy people tend to see you as. The more they trust you, the more likely it is that they’ll open up to you.
6. Genuine interest in others
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People love to talk about themselves. It’s part of human nature. Studies show that talking about yourself actually increases your endorphin levels—the “happy” hormones that keep us smiling and content. Of course, it’s hard to get people who are actually okay with listening to you for long periods of time.
Talking about yourself is intrinsically rewarding, but you need to find people who are willing to listen. Sometimes, just being that person who listens to others is enough to get people to talk to you sooner rather than later. After all, you can usually tell when people actually want to listen to you.
7. An ability to stop yourself from offering unsolicited advice
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While we’re on the topic of listening, we might as well talk about the other part of listening that most people trip up on. There’s an obvious urge to offer advice when you hear people discuss problems or issues. For some of us, it’s almost instinctual.
Advice often lands wrong with people, which tends to make them feel judged. A better option would be to ask questions that lead people to their own conclusions, often in a non-judgmental way. In many cases, people don’t want advice. They just want someone to hear them out.
8. Safe body language
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It’s a commonly-cited fact that most communication isn’t verbal. It’s via body language. We’re wired to be able to notice things like insincere expressions or aggressive postures. Unfortunately, some of us have very bad track records when it comes to making people feel safe via body language.
Those who keep their body language open, soft, and gentle tend to get people to talk much more. This is why interrogators are often trained to relax their posture, smile, and nod while interrogating offenders. It’s not because they like those guys. It’s because it makes it easier for them to open up.
9. Empathy
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Can you put yourself in other people’s shoes with ease? If so, congratulations. A lot of people can’t, which is often what prevents them from being what social scientists call an opener. Openers are the people who, as the name suggests, get others to talk about things they normally wouldn’t talk about with others.
A high degree of empathy can make you seem more approachable because it reduces the likelihood that you will judge others. Empathy-heavy people are also more likely to know what to say or how to say it. That double-dose of good vibes and good skills can make a lot of conversations easier to have.
10. A sense of familiarity
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So, maybe this is just something that happens with me, but I’ve had a bunch of strangers glue themselves to me as a result of something rather unusual. I’ve been repeatedly told that I remind people of someone they once knew and cared for.
Logically, they knew I wasn’t the same person. However, the resemblance seemed uncanny enough to override their logical side of the brain. They opened up to me very quickly, and it was returned. It was a strange phenomenon to experience, for sure.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
