People Who Naturally Command Attention When They Speak Practice These 7 Confidence Habits
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva Some people can't seem to command attention when they speak. Research on the way confidence, stress, and health are intertwined has implied that it is a pervasive problem. Their self-esteem plummets, and they feel depressed and hopeless. They start to have headaches, backaches, and stomach distress, and lose their desire. Can you relate at all, or are you the type of person who naturally commands attention when you speak — or even before you start speaking?
It's sad to hear people talk about these experiences, and sadder to hear they don’t think they can be confident when they speak. There are reasons people don’t speak up, but you change that with these easy-to-pick-up confidence habits.
People who naturally command attention when they speak practice these 7 confidence habits:
1. They aren't afraid of people
Mary is sitting in a restaurant and just received her salad. Even though she ordered it with dressing on the side and no tomatoes, it comes back covered with vinaigrette and sprinkled with tomatoes. She sees this, feels frustrated, and does not say anything, nor does she request another salad.
Research from the American Psychological Association investigated how fear fuels silence, and while many different emotions can motivate a person to be silent, intense anger specifically triggers speaking up against transgressions. However, it is more confident to let a little anger motivate you to speak up when there is a mistake.
2. They face conflict
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For the third time, Carol stops by the seamstress to pick up the dress she was told would be done 10 days ago. And for the third time, she is told that things got backed up and she needs to come back. And for the third time, Carol feels disappointed and angry.
Again, she does not voice her anger. There may be an underlying belief that to speak up will lead to conflict, which some people want to avoid at all costs. However, facing the conflict before it turns to resentment will build more confidence.
3. They aren't afraid to be vulnerable
People who have trouble speaking up are often afraid of hearing things like “you're too sensitive” or “what’s the matter with you, you shouldn’t feel like this.” Their fear is real, but it can be reduced through practice.
"Know yourself and be comfortable with who you are," pointed out confidence coach Lisa Petsinis. "Tap into your strengths and identify your growing edges. Accept that you're not perfect; you're perfectly you. You don't need to prove yourself to anyone or be someone you're not."
4. They let go of what others think
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Low confidence when speaking may come from being concerned their husband will think, or say, they are “crazy” for addressing something or feeling the way they feel. Or that they are “too emotional” or “too much work”. This fear damages confidence.
Couples counselor Pernilla Lillarose advised, "I’m sure you’ve tried to get rid of these unwanted thoughts for a long, long time without much success because your younger version was hardwired to believe it was your fault. The best way to correct this wrong is to bring new light and understanding. When a misunderstanding is understood correctly, there’s nothing to get rid of anymore, right?"
5. They enforce boundaries
People who find it challenging to speak up usually have concerns that being honest and expressing their concerns may hurt someone’s feelings. These patterns of not speaking up can erode confidence since they deprioritize their own needs.
"Therapy, coaching, journaling, or even deep spiritual work can provide insight into why certain patterns repeat and how to interrupt them," explained confidence coach Carolyn Hidalgo. "Boundaries are also crucial. This is not about being rigid or unloving — it’s about honouring one’s own worth, recognizing when self-betrayal has occurred, and creating space for relationships that are genuinely healthy and reciprocal."
6. They get out of bad relationships
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In some relationships, a person might be physically and/or emotionally harmed if they speak up. Linda’s husband, for many more times than she can remember, yells at her for being a bad cook. He adds some unflattering descriptions of her looks and her weight, and calls her a few nasty names to add insult to injury.
She feels hurt, ashamed, and humiliated. Again, as usual, she swallows her words and doesn't say anything. Getting out of the abusive relationship is often the only solution.
7. They know the difference between assertive and aggressive
Some people are afraid that if they speak up, they will get very angry and lose control by screaming, hitting something, throwing something, etc. Some are concerned that if they speak up more or become more assertive, they will be seen as aggressive. As such, it is important to understand that there are differences between being assertive and being aggressive.
Being assertive is expressing one’s thoughts, feelings, and needs directly, honestly, and confidently while keeping the focus on oneself. Communicating like this is very healthy. Being aggressive can be overt, as when a person gets loud, threatening, very angry, and blaming.
Their anger exceeds what the situation warrants and may result in destructive actions or consequences. Another form of aggression is referred to as passive aggression. Here, a person expresses their anger in subtle, hidden sorts of ways. It's much less obvious and overt than what was just described, yet it is also unhealthy and has painful consequences.
Jeff Schneider is a licensed clinical social worker and relationship specialist dedicated to helping those who desire more ease, confidence, and satisfaction and who desire stronger, more fulfilling relationships filled with love, communication, caring, and passion.
