People Who Fall In Love Slowly Usually Share These 11 Deep Personality Traits
Josep Suria / Shutterstock There are two types of people in the dating scene: those who fall in love slowly and those who fall in love fast. People who fall in love quickly tend to love bomb their partners — or at the very least, appear to do that. People who fall in love slowly, on the other hand, are a little more difficult. If you’ve dated one, you probably didn’t know where you stand with them.
You've probably spent hours wondering when they will call, whether they’ll ask you out again, and more. It’s rough, but the payoff is that they’re more likely to stick around. You can usually figure out who’s the type to fall for you slowly before you date. These personality traits suggest they’ll want to take things slow.
People who fall in love slowly usually share these 11 deep personality traits
1. They are planners who know what they do and do not want in their future
Rido / Shutterstock
People who fall in love slowly don’t fall with their hearts. Rather, they fall in love through their minds. They tend to look at the real nuts and bolts of compatibility, know what they want, and ask what you offer before they go all in on the relationship.
They already have a plan for their lives. They ask how well you’d fit in. They vet their date, much like one would vet a potential investment. After all, it is an investment. You’re investing a lot of time, trust, and faith in anyone you’re dating.
People who have an idea of who they want to date tend to take things more slowly. If this sounds like how most women approach dating, you’re correct. Studies have found that men fall in love twice as fast as women.
2. In many cases, falling slowly is a matter of healing from trauma
Drazen Zigic / Shutterstock
Do you remember the old adage, “Once hurt, twice shy?” Well, it’s very true when it comes to matters of love. Most people who experience relationship trauma tend to feel safer in fast-paced relationships, despite a slow burn being a healthier choice.
People who are healing from trauma who have a lot of self-awareness will often take things slow despite feeling the urge to go fast. This is because they both want to give themselves time to heal and to fully sniff out a potential partner before investing in them.
There’s a reason why people tend to advise recently single individuals to take it slow. It’s often healthier and gives you a more sustainable future.
3. Many people who fall in love slowly prefer to be single
fizkes / Shutterstock
One thing I can say about people who fall in love slowly is that they tend to have a healthier outlook than those who fall fast and hard. Part of the reason is that they often prefer being single and don’t view a relationship as a must-have.
People who prefer being single are very leery of relationships for a number of reasons. However, the biggest reason they tend to fall in love slowly is that they want to make sure that the person in question adds to their life. In other words, they want to make sure that person is an upgrade over being single, and they’re perfectly happy being single.
4. They tend to be selective about their friendships
K-FK / Shutterstock
Perhaps it’s just my own observation, but people who fall in love slowly are generally picky when it comes to all of their relationships. This includes platonic relationships, like friendships, as well as their business contacts.
Studies show that friendships and romantic relationships are chosen by similar traits. I’ve personally noticed that people who are choosy with their friends are more likely to be super selective about their romantic options, too. With choosiness comes a slower courting process—and that goes for both love and friendships.
5. Slow burners tend to be less trusting
Antonio Guillem / Shutterstock
Did you ever notice how many people tend to fall in love slowly after being betrayed multiple times? Much like I mentioned in a point prior, there is a certain level of “once bitten, twice shy” that seems to come with people who fall slowly. You might be an open book, but they might not believe that until they see it for themselves.
In the modern dating scene, it’s hard to fault them. All the horror stories of people living double lives or having masks drop after a ring is on their finger are enough to make anyone want to look twice.
6. When they do fall in love, they fall hard
PerfectWave / Shutterstock
Still waters run deep is an adage that perfectly describes the type of person who falls in love slowly. You might not even realize that a person has been falling for you in some cases, but they will let you know in little ways.
Having seen a friend who falls in love slowly go through a breakup, I can tell you that they don’t recover easily. A breakup that would take most people a couple of months to get over might take them years. Heck, I personally knew one guy who took three years before he could truly say he was over his ex of one year.
7. Some may have avoidant attachment issues
Federico Marsicano / Shutterstock
Avoidant attachment issues are not for the faint of heart, that’s for sure. A person who has avoidant attachment style will often avoid falling in love, getting vulnerable, or getting too close to someone. You might get the distinct feeling that your partner is afraid of being intimate, because they actually are.
People who are avoidant tend to struggle with relationships. If they are able to get into a committed relationship and stay in one, it’s often a slow-burning romance. After all, commitment actually does scare people who have this type of attachment.
8. Once they do fall in love, they tend to give their all
Antonio Guillem / Shutterstock
For all the fear that people who fall slowly tend to have, there’s also a flipside to this. Though they tend to be skittish when they first start falling in love, once you’ve got them, they’re there for life. They are often hyper-loyal, deeply committed, and incredibly kind to the people they end up dating.
When you’re with someone who falls in love slowly, you never have a question about where you stand with them. It becomes very clear in everything they do and say. They also are not likely to stray, simply because it takes them so much time to actually feel that way about someone.
9. They tend to be straight shooters in terms of their wants and needs
Studio Romantic / Shutterstock
If you want to know what someone thinks of you, they will generally be pretty upfront. They tell you what they want in a relationship, take their time getting to know you, don’t pressure you to go faster than they want, and tend to be blunt if they feel you’re pushing them.
While it can be hard to tell whether they’re falling for you at first, they tend to be upfront if they’re not feeling something. They also tend to be very open about where they see the relationship going, including if they’re not ready for the next step.
10. Pushing them will make them angry
Zamrznuti tonovi / Shutterstock
Most of us have known someone who doesn't do well when it comes to letting things develop naturally. While you were still trying to figure them out, they were ready to go ring shopping the next day. Even if you’re a person who’s all about relationships, you will feel a bit smothered or even freaked out by that behavior.
If you fall in love slowly in relationships, few things will make you back away from a relationship more than being pushy. Most people I’ve met who insist on taking things slowly view speed-running a date as the ultimate red flag.
11. If they don’t feel like it’s natural, they will vanish
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock
Does it ever feel like you have to put on a face when you date? Does it ever feel like you are just gently getting goaded to the next step, then the next, for reasons you don’t even really understand? Yeah, that’s what happens when you’re dealing with fake people.
People who date slowly, fall slowly, and commit slowly don’t take kindly to that. They go slowly because they want to feel that organic connection. If it feels forced or unnatural, you might be surprised at how fast these folks will cut things off.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
