11 Common Phrases That Make Good People Look Weak
You might be portraying yourself in a negative light.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock In everyday conversations, the words we choose can greatly impact how others perceive us. Good-hearted people often aim to maintain harmony at the expense of their own personal boundaries. And the common phrases that make good people look weak, even when spoken with the best intentions, can unintentionally portray a person as unconfident and overly passive.
Things like apologizing before speaking to get someone's attention, or even timid behavior when asking for a favor, can make others believe that you are weak. Kindness is not a weakness, but there are people out there that will take it for granted or even take advantage of it. Realizing that these phrases do more harm than good can help you reclaim your voice without compromising your kindness.
Here are 11 common phrases that make good people look weak
1. 'Sorry to bother you'
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Good people will often apologize before approaching a stranger to speak in order to get the best response possible. To the right person, this could be considered a nice way to introduce yourself, but to the wrong individual this could appear like weak behavior. This is because, according to life coach and psychologist Keith Waggoner, apologizing reinforces low self-worth and may make others perceive you as weak.
Saying "sorry to bother you" just shows that you deem yourself an inconvenience to others. It's not great for your self-esteem and shows the people that you're trying to speak to that you internally struggle with this. Replace weak language with more assertive alternatives so you can strengthen your communication without sounding rude.
2. 'I'm not sure, but...'
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One of the common phrases that make good people look weak is "I'm not sure," but this just signals that you are uncertain about the outcome of a situation. According to a 2023 study, expressing uncertainty can reduce trustworthiness in both the idea and in the person giving it. People might not trust you to lead them on projects or give them accurate advice because of your passive nature.
Instead of starting with uncertainty, a stronger approach is to present thoughts directly and then invite discussion. For example, saying "one option to consider is" would be a much better phrase because it shows others your assertiveness. Confident communication isn't about being right all the time, but trusting your voice enough to let it be heard clearly.
3. 'Does that make sense?'
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Asking others if what you said made sense to them might be considered a reassuring thing, but the downside to it is that it can make you seem less confident. Being confident in how you explain things shows others that you mean what you say and don't care to explain yourself further.
Be direct when you speak, and if you need to rephrase it then do so, but only if they need clarification. The key isn't to stop being considerate, it's to become more mindful of language that diminishes your own presence. Strength and compassion aren't mutually exclusive. By rephrasing weak-sounding language, good people can still be respectful and empathetic while sticking to their ideals.
4. 'I just think...'
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Telling someone how you "think" in the most polite way can soften their opinions or backlash depending on the situation. However, it's better to just be direct and rip the metaphorical band-aid off to allow them to process their own emotions faster.
As executive communication expert Liz Guthridge pointed out, using hedging language like "I just think" can signal uncertainty to listeners. They will believe that you lack the confidence to lead them to new information, and are less reliable or authoritative. They may even be more prone to anger the nicer you are about it.
This often happens in romantic relationships when one partner wants to gently break up with another by telling them what they think, in hopes of letting them down easier. In the end, they are better off sitting in sadness and loneliness than continuing talking over the situation.
5. 'I could be wrong, but...'
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In a workplace environment, when you use a phrase like this, it can seem like you aren't sure of what you're doing, even if in the past you did. Your co-workers may see your lack of confidence while your higher ups might consider you incompetent.
People use this phrase when they want to soften their position from any potential negative pushback when the time comes. Nobody likes being wrong about something, after all. And when people are confronted with being wrong, the brain experiences cognitive dissonance, which can trigger defensive reactions.
It's better to confidently say that something will work, and when it doesn't just admit defeat so you can try it again. It's all a matter of not giving up and continuing on, even if you do get it wrong.
6. 'I'm not an expert, but...'
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When someone uses one of the many common phrases that make good people look weak, especially this one, it may make others think that you're trying to shy away from responsibilities. Most people are not experts in the things they do, but openly admitting it makes you look bad.
Depending on how you say this phrase, it can signal incompetence or arrogance. To say it in a condescending way means you might accidentally insult someone or make it seem like you shrink yourself down to make others comfortable.
Replace it with "in my experience" instead, as it gives off a sense of real world training that you can share. It's also more direct in tone and will make others listen to you.
7. 'I was just wondering if...'
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People use this phrase when they politely want to get someone to do them a favor, but without assertiveness it can make them seem weaker than they really are. Confidence is not being dominant or mean, it just means to be more direct so you can get what you want. Wondering if someone will do something for you is a shy person's way of trying to get someone to do something.
While people might pity or feel sorry for you and do it, others might not be so keen. It's similar to school children asking if they "can" use the restroom versus "may" they. Some phrases can make you sound silly and, unfortunately, people will not take you as seriously as they should. Instead, ask them if they could do this favor for you.
8. 'I hate to ask, but...'
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Telling someone that you would hate to ask them for something can do more harm than good. You should never see yourself as a burden or inconvenience to others because that can diminish your self-worth and confidence, especially if you need help with something. You've also already "bothered" them, so there's no need for you to use self-pity on yourself.
Punching down on yourself like this will make other people think that you desire to be liked or that you are simply trying to avoid conflict. A study published in Psychological Review even determined that apologetic behavior can make people appear less competent and more submissive. Being submissive can lead to people taking advantage of you, so be confident and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
9. 'Whatever works for you'
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What works for you might not work for other people. And as one of the common phrases that make good people look weak, it makes you seem either indifferent or incredibly passive. People will think that you will do whatever they say, whenever they say it. You might be doing it to avoid confrontation or you have a hard time simply saying no. Either way, it's a phrase that will leave you internally struggling.
Imagine you say this to a date about where the two of you would like to eat for the night. You may think that you are letting them choose, but to them it makes you seem indecisive. People like others who are decisive in their choices and stick to them. It's also a chance to have conversations with others and by saying "whatever works" can stop that conversation entirely.
10. 'If you don't mind'
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Asking someone if they wouldn't mind doing something, when you know that they definitely would, is not a great thing to do. It makes you look like you backed out on your word and now require them to clean up your mess. For instance, a father asking his son to give up his room to house guests, even though he promised that they were not staying over.
It's a form of guilt-tripping that can make good people look weak, especially when they need to grovel for the favor. It's an attempt at being polite and non-confrontational with the person that you are asking. Yet it just makes it seem more insidious because you already know that they don't want to do what you're about to ask them.
11. 'I'll try my best'
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Saying that you will try your best is a humbling and a well-intentioned thing to say in the face of uncertainty, but it can project a lack of self-confidence in your abilities. It makes it seem like you will try to deliver on your promise, but should you fail then you can at least say you tried. You either do things or you don't, there is no such thing as simply trying.
There's nothing wrong with being modest, but strong communication means balancing humility with conviction. Good people often undersell themselves in an effort to be polite or shy away from confrontation. When you refine the way you speak, you can help ensure that your intentions are matched by the impression that you give.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author with a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
