The Art Of Letting Go: 6 Simple Habits Of People Who Refuse To Carry Shame
They don't punish themselves for being human.
Azra Tuba Demir | Pexels Shame keeps us from developing into the beautiful person we are designed to be. It is very easy to feel shame when we talk or act outside the societal norm. Then again, have you asked yourself, "Who makes the norm?"
Who is actually in charge and can judge whether something is normal or not? Nobody knows the answer to that; we only know that "this is how things are done in our society." As we know, every society and culture is slightly different.
For generations, we have been taught to be ashamed when we fail at something, our bodies, the occupation we have, our dating preferences, or even the behavior of our partner or child. The shame we feel can manifest as anger, rage, disinterest, envy, and anxiety, or hiding our faces, just to name a few. It is time to look at shame, let go, and get our self-esteem up for once and for all.
Here are 6 simple habits of people who refuse to carry shame:
1. They don't take everyone's word as gospel
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Question everything you hear and decide if what you hear is true for you. Commercials work because they repeat the messages over and over again, and it's the same for the things we heard when we were growing up. If we hear it enough, we start to believe it. But not all the things we hear are true.
Studies on shame resilience theory show that shame withers in the presence of empathy and thrives only through secrecy, silence, and harsh judgment. Building resilience against shame requires developing a keen awareness of what triggers these feelings and understanding the underlying narratives that fuel your sense of not being enough.
2. They stand firm in their beliefs
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When you figure out what your beliefs are, stand behind them even when others don't agree. Push back from others will happen, and it's hard to see if somebody has the self-esteem to stand up for themselves. Judgment is then the easiest weapon to bring somebody down.
Toxic shame can take root when a person sacrifices their authentic self to gain acceptance, leading to a pervasive sense of inadequacy and worthlessness. Studies show that when people fail to uphold their moral convictions, their positive self-concept is lowered.
3. They don't try to tone themselves down
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Nothing is more empowering than being your authentic self. When we are our authentic selves, we stand in our power. We are plugged into the best part of our being. The part that has compassion, understanding, and love. With this connection, everybody wins, you and everybody else.
Feeling a sense of being flawed or unworthy can drive a person to create an acceptable persona to present to the world. Instead of suppressing shame, one study suggested that approaching it with self-compassion is a successful strategy for regulating these feelings.
4. They don't let anyone trash their dreams
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Deep down, we all have wishes and dreams for our lives, but if our dreams are a little "out there", others may discourage us from following that dream. Our hearts' desires manifest themselves in the life dream we have.
Following your dreams, in the context of existential psychology, is an act of self-discovery and an assertion of your true self. By acting in alignment with your inner desires, you move closer to authentic living.
5. They know that dreams only work if they do
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People who refuse to carry shame understand that waiting for perfect conditions or external validation is just another form of self-sabotage. Dreams don't come true without some planning and work. Therefore, take steps and make goals to transform your dream into reality.
Research indicates that anticipating emotions like shame can increase self-control. Planning a course of action helps to overcome shame-based patterns, break self-destructive cycles, and is a more effective strategy than just willpower. Instead of letting shame paralyze them into inaction or using past failures as an excuse to stay small, they show up and do the work.
6. They embrace imperfection
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We all say or do things that come out differently than we intended. By acknowledging it and apologizing or laughing it off, we get over the shame of the incident very quickly.
Shame frequently stems from the conviction that love and acceptance from others depend on achieving unrealistic standards. When you intentionally embrace imperfection, you confront the inflexible notion that perfection is a prerequisite for worthiness. Research has concluded that this approach helps break down the harsh inner voice that shame feeds upon.
Don't give the shame feeling the upper hand. We are all great people, and we all make mistakes. Don't judge yourself harder than you do others. Have compassion for everyone, including yourself.
Ellen Nyland is a Certified Life Coach and author of the book Life is Great Even When it Sucks.
