The Psychological Switch Made By People Who Actually Live The Life Of Their Dreams

Life Coach Case Kenny shares a simple mental trick that's way more powerful than goal-setting or visualizing your future.

Happy Black woman with natural curly hair living her dream life on a beach Ground Picture via Shutterstock | FutureLucky via Canva

How do we even begin to achieve the "life of our dreams"? Does anyone ever really achieve this, or is it just some silly dream? 

On the Open Relationships: Transforming Together podcast, life coach and podcaster Case Kenny insisted that it's possible. He joined host Andrea Miller to discuss all of the different ways we can create lives that feel fulfilling and authentically happy. In that conversation, he shared a simple psychological tool that can help us not only live a "dream life" but also help us determine what that ideal life looks like!


The Switch That Can Get You Closer To Your Dream Life

When we think about accomplishing our dreams, we often think about the outcome — how good it would feel to accomplish what we set out to do. Worse, we think about how others would admire us if we achieved that dream. But Kenny insists we're going after these dreams all wrong. 


Of course, there is nothing wrong with having a clear goal in mind — but, that shouldn't be your main focus. If you spend too much time focusing on the end goal you'll never change your behavior. And what we do matters a whole lot more than idealizing an outcome.

As Kenny explains, you ask yourself what traits and words define who you want to be and what you do in life. "You use those identifying traits and words and then and then it's almost like the, the behavior follows."

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This tactic works because it is narrowly focused. If our ideal outcome is too broad, then we will never know what to truly focus on. 


Kenny continues to say, "I think auditing yourself with the things you do, not just the adjectives you want to have. That's the real breakthrough. It really defines your identity."

Even more of a revolutionary mindset shift? You shouldn't be trying to drastically change yourself. Instead, identify what you already do that you like and are proud of, and work from there to expand upon it. 

@yourtango How can we make our delusions work for us? Podcaster and author @Case Kenny explains how we can find answers to life’s biggest questions on the latest episode of our ‘Open Relationships’ podcast, available now #podcast #regret #purpose #delulu ♬ original sound - YourTango

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In my case, my dream outcome is to have a healthier mindset. But, what do I actually do to make that happen? Well, I exercise, try to eat healthily, try to journal consistently, try to open up to my loved ones, and meditate. And, sure, I named an outcome I wanted. But, I took the time to focus on what I already do and now I can figure out how to do more of that.

When we focus on what we already do well and identify with it, it brings us a step closer to living our dream life. Of course, that doesn't make it an easy process. This is one of the most important things you or I will ever do. It requires dedication, time, and energy. But if we truly want to change and get one step closer to a dream life, then this change in mindset is worth the effort. 

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Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.