People Who Feel Guilty About Something They Did Usually Say 9 Phrases In Casual Conversation
freestocks.org | Pexels The most trustworthy people are ironically the most guilt-prone. Anticipating feeling guilty about doing something wrong actually sways them from doing it in the first place, in contrast to someone who impulsively does harm without a second thought.
While guilt tends to be a relatively inward, nagging feeling, you can usually spot someone who feels guilty about something they did by the phrases they say in conversation. It's clear that they're hiding something or, at the very least, trying to compensate for a mistake or betrayal you don't know about yet.
Phrases people say when they feel guilty about something they did
1. 'Why would I do that?'
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If someone's overly defensive, they're probably trying to hide or avoid something. For example, if I bring up a concern in a relationship, and my partner says "Why would I do that?" immediately, instead of validating and supporting my emotions, that would be a red flag.
Anger and frustration don't always point to guilt, but sometimes defensiveness is a front for something they don't want you to find out about.
2. 'You don't understand'
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Over-explaining can be common for someone feeling anxious or even coping with insecurity. But a guilty person will also fall down these verbal rabbit holes and come across as defensive when they're trying to cover something up.
"You don't understand" or "here's what really happened" are common examples of someone trying to deal with their guilt and hide their mistakes. They can't be upfront and honest, so they use all kinds of distractions and unnecessary anecdotes to distract.
3. 'I don't want to talk about that'
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Avoidance is common for someone struggling with guilt, especially if they don't have the communication or emotional regulation skills to process it in a healthy way. Regardless of all the extra stress and turmoil avoidant behaviors cultivate in their lives, they still seem to run away from topics and conversations that bring those complex feelings to the surface.
They seem dodgy when you bring up certain topics or condemn someone else for a specific act of misbehavior. "I don't want to talk about that" might point exactly to what they're trying to hide.
4. 'Whatever you want'
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If someone's being overly kind, they might be compensating for something. Even if it feels innocent and harmless in the moment, over time, this kind of behavior should be a red flag.
No, that doesn't mean becoming suspicious of your empathetic friends. It just means take care with the kinds of people who might be projecting their own guilt onto you to make themselves feel better.
Many people who feel guilty will share their resources and be more helpful, specifically to someone they believe they've wronged. Whether it's a serious act of betrayal or feeling like they said the wrong thing, their kindness seems to stretch longer than their natural levels of empathy typically predict.
5. 'You seem upset'
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If someone's on edge or hyper-vigilant, they're probably worried. Yes, it might be general insecurity or social anxiety, but there's also a chance that monitoring everyone's behavior is their pulse check on whether or not they've been found out.
In what seems to be the most obvious way, they're trying to see if you've caught on to their lies or know something they haven't shared with you. It might make them look suspicious, but it's the only way they can think to cope with their own feelings of shame and guilt eating at them.
6. 'I didn't say that'
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Someone with an inconsistent story or telling a white lie isn't necessarily a sign they're in the wrong. We're human, and sometimes, we make mistakes and remember things wrong.
But if someone's clearly defensive about being called out for an inconsistency, it might point to feelings of guilt they've been hiding inside. If you have a feeling that something's wrong, those intuitive thoughts are probably more telling than they seem on the surface.
7. 'Are we okay?'
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Constantly checking in on a relationship and seeming overly concerned with the state of a connection may point to someone who's feeling guilty. Whether they betrayed a partner or spoke about someone behind their back, they're vigilant about another person's feelings, more than they typically are.
If they don't know how to deal with or process feelings of guilt, projecting and internalizing their worry onto others could point to poor behavior on their part.
8. 'What about what you did?'
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When someone's projecting onto you, they're taking all the thoughts and feelings they're grappling with inside and putting them outward. So, if they're feeling guilty, a phrase like "What about what you did?" might be their way of protecting themselves.
If you feel like you're constantly being accused of something or taking the blame for things you never did, take stock of who's behind the pointed questions. They might be revealing more to you about what they're feeling guilty about than you realize.
9. 'I just don't feel appreciated'
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On top of sheer avoidance and defensiveness, there's a middle ground guilty people sometimes use: deflection. They try to cultivate another story to grab people's attention and divert the gaze away from themselves to cope with the guilt they can't get away from inside.
When they're trying to seek pity or reassurance, there's a chance they're trying to make themselves feel better for having done wrong.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
