People Who Are Mentally & Emotionally High-Maintenance Usually Say 10 Phrases In Casual Conversation
Gligatron | Shutterstock There's nothing wrong with having standards, especially in relationships, but people who are emotionally high-maintenance can take it too far.
They often demand perfection in ways that hurt even their most important relationships. To protect yourself, keep an eye out for the language that offer a peek into who they really are.
Phrases that mentally and emotionally high-maintenance people usually say casually:
1. 'You should've just known'
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People who were raised in homes without open communication often find it uncomfortable, but communicating directly builds stronger relationships and avoids misunderstandings. Without directly communicating what you want and need, relationships often feel like one test after another, and the only people that pass are mind-readers.
If you've already had a conversation where you've clearly expressed what should happen, then yes, they should've known. Unfortunately, high-maintenance people rarely communicate. In their eyes, their body language should've been enough.
But emotionally and mentally high-maintenance people don't care how illogical their reasoning is. They want to test their partner's love (or so they think) and don't really worry if that unfair expectation sets their relationship up for failure.
2. 'If you really cared, you'd...'
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High-maintenance people believe that their behavior is always justified. They label it as having high standards, which is why they aren't afraid to say, "If you really cared, you'd do this..." even though it's often unkind and unfair.
In their eyes, they are the prize. They don't care how unrealistic their expectations may sound. If someone isn't willing to do their bidding, expect to be booted.
There's no compromising in their world. High-maintenance people believe that they deserve only the best. This is why they aren't impressed when people give them excuses, even good ones.
So, even if it's heartless, don't expect them to change anytime soon. It sucks, but you can either get with the program or be gone from their lives forever. And, in the end, they're the ones who end up suffering most.
3. 'If you wanted to, you would'
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Social media is both the best and worst thing that has happened to society. Yes, it's connected us to information that has transformed our lives for the better, but on the other hand, it lacks nuance and can set unrealistic expectations.
For example, when you see extravagant gestures as the norm, high-maintenance individuals can't help but say, "If you wanted to, you would."
In their eyes, it's really that simple. They don't care if that couple they saw online squabbled right before shooting that video or if it was all staged in the first place. They just want the picture-perfect relationship without having to do the work.
4. 'You owe me'
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High-maintenance people don't do anything nice without knowing they'll be paid back in the end, and I don't mean financially.
Yes, relationships need to be give-and-take and experts say both partners (or friends or family members) should do kind things for one another at an approximately even rate. But keeping score is a quick way to sabotage an otherwise good thing.
It isn't personal, it's just the way emotionally high-maintenance people operate, and they do it with pretty much everyone. They will tit-for-tat all sorts of attention, effort, and money to keep themselves satisfied. No good deed goes unpunished if it came from some of these people.
5. 'What about me?'
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People with high-maintenance emotional tendencies need to be the center of attention.
It doesn't matter if their expectations are overwhelming. Call them Demi Lovato, but they Really Don't Care. Staring at you with all the audacity in the world, those with high-maintenance aren't afraid to say, "What about me?"
Sorry, but this is how self-absorbed people operate. They don't show much care or concern for others. Because they only think about themselves, those with high-maintenance make little effort to understand others' thoughts and feelings. It's hurtful, but they can't see past their own needs.
6. 'I shouldn't have to explain myself'
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We've all met people over-explain themselves. They're people-pleasers to a fault, which is why they proceed to give a five-minute explanation on every decision they make. It isn't healthy, but sometimes it's preferable to what emotionally high-maintenance people do.
Basically, this other group is too focused on their own needs to care about yours. Always justified and never wrong, they think everything is obvious and people should (once again!) be able to read their minds.
This instinct often arises out of a natural drive to feel like their loved one truly sees them. Everyone wants to feel heard, and research supports that truly feeling like someone has listened to you leads to greater trust and connection.
But high-maintenance people aren't trying to communicate, they're trying to get something without doing the work of connecting and communicating in order to build a bond. They want a free pass to getting everything they want.
7. 'You tell me what you think I think'
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If this one confuses you, that's because it's confusing by nature and you're probably a logical person and healthy people don't expect others to be mind-readers. It's a test, one with no correct answer.
They aren't saying this as an actual way to gauge how others are feeling or whether they're being understood. It's a gotcha moment.
Redirecting instead of answering the question, they cause everyone to grow tired and frustrated.
That's why experts say it's almost always better to be direct and up-front. It's hard, but it's much better to slap someone with the truth than give conflicting signals.
8. 'You have one chance to prove you care about me'
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Depending on the situation, it's okay to give people the benefit of the doubt. This is especially true in romantic relationships and good friendships. Everyone messes up or miscommunicates, and healing happens when we dig deeper and try to rebuild the bond.
Unfortunately, emotionally high-maintenance people don't view it that way. They expect perfection from other people, but rarely have such high standards for themselves.
It doesn't matter how small the offense is. Once you mess up, you're out of their lives forever. With no mercy, high-maintenance people are quick to say, "You have one chance," and mean it.
9. 'I wanted to see what you'd do'
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It isn't enough for high-maintenance people to communicate directly. They believe the best way to see who someone truly is by testing them repeatedly. They think it's smart to play chess with someone else's feelings and don't care if it's ethical at all.
Emotionally high-maintenance people don't think there's anything wrong with their ways. It doesn't matter if chronic manipulations lead to poor mental health outcomes for the other person. In their eyes, it's a good way to gauge how much someone cares.
It's awful, but high-maintenance people want to see how far someone is willing to go for them. Sadly, some people will go along with this for a while, but eventually they realize there's no passing these tests.
10. 'Why does everything bad always happen to me?'
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Mentally and emotionally high-maintenance people are very self-absorbed and need a lot of attention to stay happy. Easily impacted both mentally and emotionally, they are quick to fall into despair when life doesn't go their way. Worse, they refuse to take any responsibility for the role they've played in their bad outcomes.
Forget that they put themselves in those unfortunate predicaments. Forget the fact that they had a part to play. It doesn't matter what they did wrong.
They ignore the fact that tragic and horrible things happen to innocent people every day, people who don't deserve it. They make it about them, turning themselves into victims when all of their minute little needs aren't met.
Regardless of how unrealistic their expectations are, they'll always complain until they eventually get their way. Or, alternatively, driven all reasonable people out of their lives.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and trending topics.
