10 Things Narcissistic Parents Do In Front Of Their Kids That Should Never Happen
kryzhov | Shutterstock Even without a specific label, growing up with a narcissistic parent sparks all kinds of social, personal, and emotional consequences in kids that follow them throughout their lives.
Our parents are supposed to be there for us, show us love and affection, guide us through life, and protect our needs from being overlooked, but a narcissistic one only cares about themselves. The things narcissistic parents do in front of their kids that should never happen are endless, and it's all for the sake of coping with their own insecurity and protecting their selfish mentalities.
Here are 10 things narcissistic parents do in front of their kids that should never happen
1. They disrespect their partner openly
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Narcissistic parents bring other people down for their own sense of power. Whether it's blaming their kids for their own mistakes or blatantly disrespecting a partner at home, they sabotage a sense of emotional security by spreading lies and negativity.
Especially for young children who tend to absorb the behaviors of their parents, arguments with no resolution or resentment with no dissolution can sabotage the future of their own romantic relationships. Parents should never be arguing and mediating conflict in front of their kids, but the most important part of that is coming to a resolution in their presence.
2. They inflate financial struggles and stress
Instead of ensuring their kids feel safe, secure, and taken care of, a narcissistic parent often inflates their own anxiety and frustration to seek pity or pride. Even when the family is financially comfortable, parents complain about spending money and blame their kids for being a financial burden, all to make themselves feel more important and superior.
They weaponize doing the bare minimum, like "putting a roof over their kids' heads" and "food on the table," because they need their kids to know they're dependent. Kids in this family dynamic are made to feel like an expensive burden, which often carries over into people-pleasing behaviors and anxiety later in their lives.
3. They shame their kids for being 'needy'
Even when they're only asking for the bare minimum or emotional support, kids of narcissistic parents are openly guilted and shamed for having needs. When they're feeling a big emotion, feeling stressed, or unsure of what to do, their parents aren't a safe space, but people to walk on eggshells around.
Especially when they feel like they're "failing" personally or aren't getting anything in return for showing up as a good parent, narcissistic people aren't interested in helping their kids. They'd prefer for them to be entirely "out of sight and out of mind" until they need something from them.
4. They bring adult issues home
When a parent's needs always matter more than those of their children, it's not surprising that these kids are parentified from a young age. If they don't care for and look out for themselves, nobody will. That includes dealing with adult issues and mature problems from a very young age.
If a parent doesn't want to worry about chores, running errands, or managing money, suddenly it becomes passed off on their kids, whether it's actual, tangible responsibilities or emotional guilt. They become an outlet for their parent's stress and shame, even if they're too young to understand that it's not their fault.
5. They dismiss and invalidate
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According to a study from Frontiers in Psychiatry, parental support of their kids' emotions is truly important for mediating psychological issues and development. Kids with safe spaces at home to talk about and manage their emotions become emotionally intelligent adults, while those with narcissistic, selfish parents end up suppressing and avoiding emotions for life.
They spent their childhood hiding emotions from their parents and feeling invalidated when they couldn't. Now they have a belief that vulnerability is inherently "bad" because, at home, their parents had no problem gaslighting and punishing them for being emotional.
6. They never take accountability
Emotionally intelligent, responsible kids learn to take accountability and own up to mistakes from their parents. However, people raised by narcissists only learn how to dodge it and blame others when they make a mistake. Especially if they were blamed for things out of their control by an insecure, selfish parent, their lack of accountability is a manifestation of all that complex anger and resentment.
According to a study from Personality and Social Psychology Review, this behavior stems from an inherent belief that they're better than everyone else and more "deserving" of comfort than the average person. Even if that means feeling entitled to comfort at the expense of their kids, they don't care.
7. They play favorites
Experts like psychotherapist Erin Leonard argue that narcissistic parents often use "favoritism" at home to weaponize power. They control their kids by withholding affection and favoring one sibling, even when it pits them against each other in the end.
They thrive when their kids and peers are most vulnerable, because it makes them easier to take advantage of. While favoritism in childhood is more common than we realize in many households, narcissistic parents weaponize it in very insidious ways.
8. They compare them to other kids
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Narcissists are generally driven by status and attention, and their kids become one avenue for them to feel more important. They share highlight reels on social media and praise them in front of others, only to compare them to other kids, make them feel unworthy, and craft unrealistic expectations at home.
They seek control of their kids and families by using social comparisons to their advantage, making their kids feel unworthy of love and attention themselves unless they change themselves to be more "valuable."
9. They use the silent treatment to get what they want
According to a 2022 study, narcissists often use the silent treatment and weaponize attention to their kids to assert control, power, and dominance at home. Even if it's for something as simple as a child asking to buy a toy they want, their parents' insecurity and anger result in isolation, making their kids feel shame and guilt all the time.
Instead of having a safe space to ask or express anything to their parents, these kids are constantly walking on eggshells and taking on unsustainable amounts of anxiety at home.
10. They warp their realities
Gaslighting is often a common tactic narcissistic parents use to twist their children's words to better fit their narrative. If they can warp their kids' realities and make them feel "crazy," they can more easily take advantage of their vulnerability.
Whether it's shifting blame to make their kids feel at fault for personal mistakes or pressuring them into making a certain decision in their best interest as a parent, narcissistic parents always bring this unhealthy, gaslighting approach to every conversation at home.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
