If Someone Grew Up Feeling Different, They've Probably Developed These 11 Rare Traits As Adults
Emvat Mosakovskis / Shutterstock Did you fit in at school? I know there were things about me that made me feel different from my classmates. It wasn’t easy to find the right group of friends. Some people were made to feel like outcasts.
When we think of being different, it may have a negative correlation in our minds. However, being different doesn’t mean being bad. People who grew up feeling like they weren’t like everyone else may have developed rare traits as adults. They learned from what set them apart from others. Instead of letting it bring them down, they made it a strength. Being different isn’t a bad thing, and these adults demonstrate it through the rare traits they have developed.
If someone grew up feeling different, they've probably developed these 11 rare traits as adults
1. Independence
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Growing up feeling different from others around them, people like this had to develop a sense of independence. Kids can be cruel, and if they were ostracized from social groups, they were forced to entertain themselves. While this may have been difficult to deal with in childhood, it led to the acquisition of a rare adult trait. Independence in adulthood is a positive trait. It allows you to focus on yourself and your goals without needing someone else to validate you.
Autonomy is needed to develop a strong sense of self. Many of us have become dependent on other people's support or validation. When someone is independent, they view people as accessories to their lives, rather than the center of their universe.
2. Emotional intelligence
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Many people struggle to connect with their emotions. Sometimes, the way they feel can be overpowering. Instead of navigating it, they can become overwhelmed. If someone grew up constantly surrounded by other people, they may have been able to push their feelings aside. They had distractions and other things to focus on. Kids who grew up on the outside of the social scene, however, were likely alone with their thoughts more often.
Emotional intelligence is a powerful tool. It allows someone to understand and work through their feelings. This can make for stronger relationships and better mental health. Someone with this trait may understand themselves deeply.
3. Confidence
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When you think of someone who grew up feeling different, you may think they struggle with their self-esteem. Since they didn’t naturally fit in with the ‘cool’ kids, it’s easy to assume they had trouble accepting themselves. While that can be said for some people, it’s not a blanket statement. Some kids who grew up feeling different found strength in it. They grew up with high confidence.
If someone had to boost themselves up instead of having the support from their peers, they may become more confident in adulthood. Some people felt pride in who they were, even if others didn’t see it. They may have become confident adults.
4. Discretion
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Speaking from my own experience, I wasn’t an open book growing up. Since I didn’t always feel accepted in school, I kept my feelings close to myself. However, with close friends, I was happy to open up. I developed a sense of social discretion. It helped me feel safe.
Social discretion can be beneficial. Having this trait means you can discern who you can and cannot trust. It’s not always easy to rely on others. While it’s important we trust people in our lives, it can be helpful to understand who we can and cannot trust. By using discretion, this type of person may feel more comfortable opening up to specific people. Some people may trust too little or too much. A person like this likely falls somewhere in the middle.
5. Authenticity
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Some people who grow up feeling different may have let it rock their confidence. They might have tried to mold themselves into someone the popular cliques would like. However, for many, it had the opposite effect. They grew proud of who they were. They kept their authenticity, which is a trait they likely carried into adulthood. Staying true to themselves is an important value.
“Authenticity comes from knowing what's important to you and remaining true to these values in the face of external pressures and expectations to think and behave a certain way. When you come from an authentic place, you are less likely to allow these external pressures to change who you truly are. This includes how you express yourself, who you connect with, and how you spend your time,” states the University of California, Berkeley.
6. Perfectionism
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Perfectionism isn’t always seen as a positive trait. However, some people who grew up feeling different may use this trait differently than others. They know that there is no such thing as perfection. However, they want to be the best person they can be. Perfectionism can stem from setting goals or other reasons to become a better person each day. This behavior can be problematic for some people, but if a person is seeking motivation rather than the means to an end, it can be a positive trait.
Using the goal of being ‘perfect’ can drive people. However, there needs to be a healthy balance and an understanding that there is no such thing as perfection, just the best version of ourselves that we can create.
7. Observational
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For some people, growing up as an outsider made them highly observant. By practicing observational learning, they watched other kids interact. Whether they implemented what they saw or not was up to them. Being observant is a skill they likely brought into adulthood. They may take in the world around them differently than the average person.
Observant people are natural learners. They may also use this skill to observe what’s going on around them, retaining things more easily than the average person. It can help them read situations and other people's true intentions.
8. Resilience
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Life is always changing. If someone grew up feeling different, they may not have fit in with the groups around them. One day, they may have been popular, but the next, they were possibly old news. This can spark resilience in someone. Instead of feeling bad about themselves, they pulled themselves up. They kept going even when it felt difficult.
Having resilience can make coping with life struggles easier. If this is something they developed and brought into adulthood, they may be more adaptable. If they face setbacks, this type of person might bounce back better than the average person.
9. Comfort in silence
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For some, silence is deafening. When you grow up surrounded by other people, it can be hard to value time spent alone. We may become reliant on other people to keep us entertained. However, growing up different may mean that someone didn’t always have access to a grand social life. Instead, they found comfort in themselves and found peace in silence.
Being alone with our own thoughts can be difficult. I know I’ve struggled with the overwhelming feeling of my inner dialogue. However, when someone grew up feeling different, they likely spent more time alone. As a result, they may feel more comfortable with their thoughts than the average person does.
10. Loyalty
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If you felt different growing up, you likely knew how important friendship was. When you found a connection with like-minded people, you knew not to take it for granted. Instead, you likely became loyal to the people in your inner circle. This was something I experienced. To this day, I am still a solid friend to those people, and they are to me. Loyalty is a rare trait these days. Not everyone is capable of staying true to those around them. Instead, they may feel compelled to move to the next cool thing.
“Loyalty involves accepting and loving someone for who they are and not threatening to leave when things become challenging. People display loyalty by weathering storms together, providing support, and sticking them out,” says Sanjana Gupta.
11. Compassion
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Sometimes, being different can lead to bullying. Kids can be brutal. If someone grew up feeling different, they may have faced cruelty from others. This likely made them develop compassion. They experienced things firsthand and chose to treat others better because of it.
Compassion isn’t something that comes naturally to everyone. If a person develops this trait, they likely experienced something that opened their eyes to what others go through. This makes them a kind-hearted person.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
