Parents In The 1980s Refused To Do 11 Things That Modern Parents Basically Force On Kids Today
Lyudmila2509 / Shutterstock Many parents today frame their interactions and relationships with their kids around breaking generational cycles, according to a survey shared by Talker Research. While it often crafts more open, vulnerable, healthy relationships, overcompensating can often make parents too overprotective and sabotage their own kids’ independence. There’s a stark difference between parents a few decades ago and those managing their households today, but there’s no “right” and “wrong,” there’s only intention.
Many parents in the 1980s refused to do certain things that modern parents basically force on kids today, and vice versa. While many helped kids feel more self-reliant and emotionally regulated, others were slightly misguided, keeping kids from embracing the innocence of childhood. Whether you’re a parent today or not, lean into intentionality. Craft unique habits and routines that work for you and your children.
Parents in the 1980s refused to do 11 things that modern parents basically force on kids today
1. Stepping in to resolve conflicts with teachers
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While engaged parents are important for kids’ cognitive development and academic success in the classroom, overbearing, overprotective parents can often cross boundaries that actually do the direct opposite, according to a Stanford Report.
Whether that means disputing their kids’ grades over email or attacking teachers for not offering special treatment in parent-teacher conferences, it’s one of the things parents in the 1980s refused to do that modern parents force on their kids today.
2. Supervising play dates and sleepovers
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According to educational psychologist Lauren McNamara, unstructured and unsupervised play can often be anxiety-inducing for modern parents today, but it’s largely important for bolstering kids’ creativity, critical thinking, independence, and social skills.
If kids are constantly playing with a parent looming over their shoulder, they’re learning to rely on their parents for comfort, rather than building inner security on their own terms. These parents have all the good intentions in the world, and are usually coping with their own dysregulated nervous system and worries, but it’s these overprotective habits that occasionally sabotage their kids’ growth.
3. Intervening in arguments with friends
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Much like overprotective parents step into the classrooms to debate with teachers or supervise all of their kids’ activities, modern parents today also tend to intervene in arguments with friends. While parents in the 1980s refused to do these things, usually because they didn’t have the time or space, it’s forced on kids today, who end up entitled and dependent.
Kids build their own social skills by watching their parents in their own relationships, not by relying on them to solve their problems and mediate their arguments for them.
4. Tracking their kids’ location 24/7
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According to a survey from the Pew Research Center, nearly 25% of parents in the modern world track their kids' location all the time from their cell phones. Whether it’s apps like Life360 or constant updates over text from their kids, they struggle to let go, offer their kids independence, and release their control over how their kids live their lives.
However, parents in the 1980s didn’t offer the choice of independence to their kids in the opposite way. Their kids were expected to mature and grow into independence without much room to push back. Whether it was watching younger siblings, walking to school alone, or managing their own boredom, kids a few decades ago matured young.
5. Packing lunches and making every meal
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Kids learn how to cook for themselves by doing, not watching their parents take the lead. They learn by packing their own lunches for school and learning by doing, and yet, many modern parents are doing it all for their kids. Whether it’s a need for control in their family relationships or a need for a routine that works for them at home, they’re taking the lead and removing opportunities for their kids to learn and make mistakes.
Of course, there are safety concerns when kids cook that should be acknowledged, but sometimes letting kids make less harmful mistakes, like packing something crazy in their school lunch, is the perfect way to equip them with a sense of responsibility and independence.
6. Curating extracurriculars for a college application
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While it might be aligned with good intentions to offer their kids the success they didn’t get themselves or to set them up in ways they didn’t receive from their own parents, modern adults are sometimes overscheduling kids too much and putting too much on their plates. They may not be parentified to the extent kids in the ‘80s were, but they are held to unrealistic expectations about academic achievement, success, and extracurriculars.
Whether it’s playing competitive sports from a young age or putting them in a million after-school clubs to bolster a college application that they’re a decade out from completing, these are some of the things parents in the 1980s refused to do that modern parents today basically force on their kids.
7. Talking about feelings and mental health
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While kids in the 1980s didn’t often have safe spaces to talk about mental health and to speak about their emotions openly, gentle parenting styles today center on kids’ emotions and work to compensate for the stigma they felt as children several decades ago.
Old-fashioned parents kept their struggles private, created a taboo energy around vulnerability, and sometimes encouraged their kids to deal with all their complex emotions on their own. While there’s certainly a balance between overemphasizing and “fixing” kids' feelings and ignoring them completely, parents today are still finding their own way.
8. Stepping in to prevent failures
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Mistakes are what make us human, but they’re also what prompt growth. If we always have a parent trying to solve our problems for us and make life entirely comfortable, we end up needing them to feel secure. We struggle to accept the discomfort that brings personal growth and development. Especially as kids, we feel limited in our ability to craft goals and make strong connections.
Parents in the 1980s often left their kids unsupervised and expected them to solve problems, arguments, and issues on their own. However, modern parents basically force their advice and support onto kids, even when independence is practiced through trial and error.
9. Documenting everything online
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Parents today are prone to oversharing online. For some, it’s a means of seeking reassurance and validation from others that they’re doing the right thing, in a time when it’s so difficult trying to be the “perfect” parent. For others, it’s the comfort of community.
Whether it’s sharing kids’ accomplishments or dumping photos of family vacations on social media, parents in the 1980s wouldn't have overshared to this extent, yet modern parents basically force it on their kids today.
10. Removing discipline and consequences
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According to a study published in the Paediatrics and Child Health journal, discipline is somewhat of a controversial topic today, but that doesn’t take away from the benefits it offers to young kids. From helping kids organize their lives to internalizing rules and resilience, and regulating their emotions, kids need to face discipline and consequences to learn how to navigate the real world as adults.
When parents step in to protect their kids from discomfort, as many modern parents do today, they take away their kids' ability to regulate themselves and to learn decision-making and risk-assessment skills.
11. Criticizing their kids’ independence
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Instead of teaching kids to be self-reliant and autonomous, many modern parents criticize their kids' independence, discipline them for going out on their own, and supervise everything to cope with their own worries about safety.
However, kids in the 1980s played outside alone, managed their own discomfort without parents around, and crafted most of their routine through the lens of their own independence. They didn’t have overprotective parents looming constantly in the background, so they had the chance to mature on their own terms.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
