True Gentlemen Almost Always Use These 11 Phrases When Talking To You
PeopleImages | Shutterstock There are certain respectful behaviors and intentional phrases that the true gentleman use in relationships. Especially in romantic relationships, where men are often seeking emotional support and vulnerability they don't nurture in other places, leaning into this "gentlemanly" behavior is powerful.
From leading with emotional intelligence by using "I need space to think" to asking questions like "How can I better support you today?" true gentlemen almost always use these phrases when talking to you. They care deeply about making people feel seen and heard before prioritizing their own personal comfort.
True gentlemen almost always use these 11 phrases when talking to you
1. 'I want to understand where you're coming from'
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As psychologist Jeffrey Bernstein explains, understanding is often more important than romantic love in relationships. As humans, we crave belonging in communities, but we also yearn for a sense of understanding and visibility in our interactions with individuals in relationships.
Whether that looks like actively listening, using a phrase like "I want to understand where you're coming from," or supporting a partner emotionally instead of offering unsolicited advice, true gentlemen always do these things when talking to their partners. They care more about the depth of the connection and emotional intimacy than trying to chase only attraction and chemistry.
2. 'I'm sorry for speaking in that tone'
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Gentlemen in the modern world are not only empathetic to their partners and loved ones, but they're also self-aware enough to understand when they're harming or misleading someone with small things like their nonverbal cues or the tone of their voice.
While other modern men are often urged into aggressive tendencies by a lack of emotional regulation, true gentlemen lean into the discomfort and vulnerability of accepting and acting on their self-awareness. Whether it's owning up to a mistake in a relationship or recognizing when they're getting loud in an argument, they're not afraid to use phrases like "I'm sorry for speaking in that tone" or "I'm sorry for hurting you," even when they know it wasn't intentional.
3. 'That's on me'
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While some men lean too heavily into the "protector" roles in their relationships, taking on pressure and shame when their partners are unhappy or struggling, true gentlemen balance accountability with emotional vulnerability.
They do their best to own up to mistakes and make their partners feel seen with apologies, but don't harm the emotional balance of their relationships by taking their partner's personal autonomy away.
4. 'I trust you'
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While opening up to people and choosing to trust openly isn't always easy, especially for men who have been socialized into hyper-independent identities, it's necessary to form healthy, secure relationships with other people. True gentlemen often express and build trust through small actions, like showing up on time and being consistent with small acts of kindness, but they almost always use certain phrases when talking to you.
From blatant ones like "I trust you" to more emotionally honest ones like "thank you for not judging me," it's clear that they're willing to build secure attachments through honesty, trust, and commitment, rather than avoidance and fear.
5. 'I want to grow with you'
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While men leading with ego and superiority complexes may get jealous when their partners achieve things or acquire success they want for themselves, true gentlemen almost always use phrases like "I want to grow with you" and "I'm so proud of you" to celebrate their accomplishments.
Their jealousy and envy don't cloud the celebratory energy of their partner, because they have the emotional regulation skills and self-assuredness to lead with intentional joy.
6. 'Let's work through this together'
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Instead of trying to protect their personal comfort and "win" arguments, men who have true "gentlemen energy" work together on the same team with their partners and peers. They care about collaboration more than they care about being "right," whether they're in a work meeting or having an emotional argument with a partner at home.
This is exactly the kind of mindset and attitude that crafts healthy arguments that actually strengthen relationships, rather than promoting disconnection and resentment. They see and validate the people they're speaking with, even if they don't necessarily agree with what they're saying.
7. 'How can I better support you?'
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Even if they believe they're doing everything right and showing up as their best selves, true gentlemen aren't afraid to ask for and accept feedback from others. They're not afraid of change and personal growth, especially if it means allowing someone they care about to feel seen and heard in healthier ways.
Whether it's "What would you do differently?" or "How can I better support you?" they're always setting themselves up for personal growth, even when it's not always easy or convenient.
8. 'Let's come back to this'
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Not only are true gentlemen present enough to read the energy of a room, but they're also intentional enough to make changes and take action that allows everyone to feel more comfortable. If an argument is growing unproductive or they're not feeling respected, they offer a bit of space for people to regulate themselves and reflect.
Even if it's something simple and seemingly subtle, like "let's come back to this," true gentlemen almost always use these phrases when talking to you that make conversations more beneficial for everyone involved.
9. 'I can imagine that's not easy'
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True gentlemen lead with a desire to help other people feel seen and validated. Even if it takes practice to regulate their own emotions and show up for other people as a pillar of support, they're willing to do the work to make their relationships and interactions better for everyone.
Even if it's simply acknowledging and making space for someone's emotions, rather than fully accepting and taking action on them, that's a powerful way to validate someone's presence and cultivate a safe space for them to speak their mind. Whether it's at home in a personal relationship or in a workplace setting, gentlemen aren't afraid to be vulnerable to help other people feel seen.
10. 'You're not alone'
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While it's often overlooked and normalized, especially in our modern society, social exclusion and rejection can provoke a lot of literal "pain" in people's lives, according to a study from Nature Reviews Neuroscience. That's why true gentlemen make it a life's mission to help people feel less isolated and alone, even if it's with strangers in passing conversations or a person left out of a work meeting unintentionally.
They use phrases like "you're not alone," but they also take action to help people feel seen and heard. They are active listeners, ask thoughtful questions, leverage positive body language, and go out of their way to indulge in small acts of kindness, usually with the altruistic goal to make people feel better.
11. 'Can I have some time to think?'
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For men who are still practicing emotional regulation and self-awareness in their social interactions, sometimes, their intentionality is expressed through phrases like "Can I have some time to think?" They know that they need space to show up as their best self, and they're not afraid to set and maintain their boundaries.
While it might seem counterintuitive to "gentlemen" qualities that are usually framed around treatment to other people, these men also boast certain self-care and personally empowering behaviors that add a great deal of value to their lives.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
