11 Subtle Things That Happen When You Allow Yourself To Become Emotionally Detached
justkgoomm / Shutterstock When my ex started to detach himself from the relationship, it was hard not to notice. Nothing was totally set out of the ordinary, though. It was the little nuances in how he behaved. At times, you could laugh it off and just say it wasn’t a good day. Yet, all those petite changes belied the truth of our relationship. It was over.
When a person stops caring, you can tell. It’s a weird series of things that happen when you allow yourself to detach emotionally. These are the things I notice in almost everyone who suddenly backs away.
Here are 11 subtle things that happen when you allow yourself to become emotionally detached
1. You quietly grieve
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I’ve been in many relationships where I grieved their end before we actually officially broke up. Among women, this is fairly common, especially when it comes to Walkaway Wife Syndrome. This is a type of breakup that occurs when a man refuses to do his share in a relationship and doesn’t listen, even when it’s too late.
By the time she’s out the door, she’s already grieved the relationship. She’s not only detached. She’s moved on.
2. The person or situation you’re detaching from stops exciting you
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Emotional detachment doesn’t mean that you stop hurting. It means that you stop caring. So, they don’t care either way. Things that would have devastated them earlier no longer have that effect. On the flip side, things that would have thrilled them won’t make a difference in their mood either.
This is why many people who become emotionally detached from a crush or a bad relationship no longer care when their partners start pursuing them. Things that would have made them squeal with delight no longer matter.
3. Your need for communication or reassurance on the matter ends
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One thing most people notice when detachment occurs is a sudden drop in communication. If you were once very needy, you no longer care when your partner suddenly vanishes without a trace. Communication is terse, strained, and just awkward.
Before you detached, you didn’t really have a problem talking things out. It went smoothly. Your partner may never have felt like they had to fight to get your attention. After you detached, well…you might as well have just been a million miles away.
4. You allow yourself the loss
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Emotional detachment is a must-have if you work on Wall Street. You have to remain detached to avoid over-investing in something that will not pay off. It’s hard to cut losses, which is why the Sunk Cost Fallacy exists in psychology books.
Sometimes, letting yourself let go of something can be a powerful mental shift. It gives you the power to just cut your losses and also avoid clinging to something unhealthy. And trust me, people notice when you make that change.
5. People tend to rethink the way they treated you
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Here’s the weird thing that people do when you suddenly detach from them or a situation around them: they freak out. People don’t respect people who are overinvested in them. They’re too accessible. People are also terrified of loss.
When a person who was always there suddenly isn’t, they tend to panic because they realize you might actually be gone. People hate loss. So, they end up rethinking how they treated you. They start thinking, “Hm, maybe I should have been kinder.” Sadly, by the time most people think that, it’s too late.
6. Some people will try to 'hoover' you back in if you get detached from there
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Are you detaching yourself from a narcissist? If so, watch out for the “hoover” action. Hoovering is a term for the narcissistic need to pull people back into their sphere of drama. It happens when a narcissist realizes they can no longer get their supply from you.
Take a close look at how people are treating you. Are they coming up with excuses to get into contact with you? It could be a sign that they realize they’re losing you.
7. Your priorities change
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Back when you were invested in a relationship, your partner was the sole focus of your life. You put them ahead of you more often than not. However, when things went south, you stopped caring so much. All of a sudden, your friends matter more. Your career matters more. They take a backseat.
Sound familiar? When you become emotionally detached from a situation, one of the biggest signs of change is how you shift your priorities. The thing you’re detaching no longer matters. In a way, it almost sets your priorities into default mode—the mode that happened before you met that individual or dealt with that situation.
8. Your limit for drama and stupidity shoots down to zero
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Some people call this drama. Others call it asinine speech. No matter what you call it, most people who emotionally detach tend to lose interest in engaging in small talk that doesn’t serve a purpose. Small quibbles that would have taken a whole day now take only five minutes.
Simply put, you can dismiss issues with a sigh and a wave. You lost your patience. And trust me, people will know when this happens. It’s almost as if your entire vibe changes, right before their very eyes.
9. It becomes easier to focus on other things, especially at work
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Most people have experienced a moment when they were so Infatuated with someone that they could no longer function at work. Or, sometimes, they just get too into a specific situation, to the point where they can’t focus on more important things.
Detaching yourself from these things has a major perk that few people want to admit: the energy that would have been spent on that thing is freed up for other projects and items. It’s amazing how much mental load you might be putting into that one person or situation. Expect to feel free once you’re checked out.
10. People might notice the change and remark on it
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If you’ve ever seen a person check out of a relationship or a job, you already know how big a change it can lead to behavior. It’s hard to ignore. They talk differently. They don’t have the same priorities. In fact, the way they started to treat their ex might shock you.
Though the individual changes might be subtle, together they make a significant personality change. People who witness it are likely to say something, either out of concern for you or relief for you. In other words, expect some comments.
11. You will likely forgive yourself
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A lot of people I know get extremely invested in toxic situations simply because they feel bad getting away from a certain person. They often can’t forgive themselves for wanting to leave. They feel forced to stay.
Many people start their detachment from bad people by forgiving themselves. It’s not wrong to walk away from people who do not do you any good. If you finally forgave yourself for wanting to walk away, congrats! You’ve already made the most important step you could have made. After all, you can’t light yourself on fire in order to keep others warm.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
