11 Signs Of A Nonchalant Man That You Should Probably Stay Away From At All Costs
GaudiLab | Shutterstock Experts like psychologist Mark Travers suggest that a "nonchalant epidemic" in our culture is sabotaging opportunities for love, healthy relationships, and connections. Not only does it amplify ego over emotional connection, but a nonchalant attitude toward love tends to sabotage accountability and honesty.
Despite being a popular trend in modern dating culture — to be "cool" and "nonchalant" about expressing affection — it's this disengagement that's often the "point of no return" for partners in relationships. While it can be difficult to notice if someone is too "cool" for connection and vulnerability, there are certain signs of a nonchalant man that you should probably stay away from at all costs.
Here are 11 signs of a nonchalant man that you should probably stay away from at all costs
1. He jokes to deflect vulnerability
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While it's true that sarcasm and jokes can often de-escalate tense conversations and heated conflicts, if humor is used to deflect accountability and vulnerability, it can chip away at trust and connection in a relationship. You should feel safe to express yourself with a partner, not guilty and "crazy" for bringing up your feelings and concerns.
If you notice that someone is constantly joking about vulnerability and using sarcasm to deflect accountability, those are signs of a nonchalant man that you should probably stay away from at all costs.
2. He prides himself on 'not caring'
A man who prides himself on "not caring" is a model of "nonchalance." They think that being disengaged and emotionally distant is a strength, usually because societal norms have encouraged them to believe it, even if true strength and connection come from vulnerability.
They're prone to suppressing emotions, avoiding conflict, and steering clear of hard conversations. They make you feel guilty for expressing yourself or calling out misbehavior, keeping you stuck in a stagnant cycle of feeling unseen and unheard.
3. He lacks curiosity about you
Never asking questions or only talking about himself are obvious signs of a nonchalant man that you should probably stay away from. He cares more about feeling seen and validated by you than creating a safe space for you to feel supported.
Usually, this lack of engagement comes from misguided gender norms and stereotypes for men, but it could also be an intentional manipulation tactic. The more these types of men pull away and weaponize their attention and curiosity toward you, the more control they have over you in the relationship.
4. He never reaches out first
Reciprocity is essential in relationships. You can't have a happy, healthy relationship — whether it's romantic or otherwise — if there's only one person showing up, supporting the other, and putting in the work. If you notice that someone never reaches out first or schedules quality time, and you're the only person putting in effort, that's a sign of a nonchalant person who you should probably stay away from at all costs.
Seeking this kind of effort from someone isn't just about cultivating romantic love or respecting your boundaries. A study from the Journal of Psychosomatic Research found that a lack of reciprocity in relationships is often associated with poorer health. The more you tolerate disengagement and a lack of effort from a nonchalant man, the more at risk you are for a host of mental and physical health consequences.
5. You feel lonelier around him
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Oftentimes, when we feel lonelier in relationships with people than we do when we're alone, it's because we're not getting our needs met or are being criticized for asking for the bare minimum. We're drained by walking on eggshells around these people and feel exhausted trying to show up for them without any kind of reciprocity.
This is one of the signs of a nonchalant man that you should probably stay away from. Notice how you feel around him. Do you feel loved and supported? Or are you simply seeking the praise and validation you get from him when you meet his every need and demand?
6. He justifies being emotionally distant
Nonchalant men are known for being rigid, disconnected, and emotionally distant. But sometimes, it's hard to acknowledge their behaviors in the moment, especially when they hide behind phrases like "this is just how I am" or "I'm okay with where I am" to avoid the discomfort of change.
When you ask for the bare minimum or expect things like vulnerability, they immediately gaslight you into believing that you're asking for too much. They leverage gaslighting language to make you feel "crazy," so they can continue to be emotionally distant and nonchalant without needing to take accountability for it.
7. He weaponizes affection and communication
Many people who leverage manipulative strategies to seek control in their relationships weaponize the things that should be unconditional — affection, attention, communication, or anything else that healthy partners make space for often. They use the "silent treatment" when they don't get their way and use phrases like "If you loved me, you'd do this..."
They don't use emotional closeness and connection to build, but to control. Even if it's the distance a "nonchalant" man uses to draw someone else back in, these are all signs that you should probably stay away from him.
8. He makes you feel like an inconvenience
If a man ever makes you feel like an inconvenience, chances are he's not worth keeping around. Especially if you're asking for the bare minimum — emotional support, attention, or affection — and he consistently makes you feel like you're "asking for too much," you should probably stay away from him.
Of course, being "nonchalant" about certain things isn't always a bad thing and can often help you to set boundaries with your energy, but if someone's leveraging disengagement to make their lives easier in a relationship, they're not putting in the "work" or effort it needs to thrive.
9. He runs from commitment
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Whether it's rooted in a fear of rejection and control or suffering with an underlying insecurity that they're "unlovable," as psychologist Diana Kirschner explains, the reasons why men run from commitment are nuanced. However, it's also one of the signs of a nonchalant man that you should probably stay away from at all costs.
Especially if he's soaking up and enjoying all the benefits of a relationship, without committing to it or placing a label on it, chances are he's more worried about his own freedom and contentment than showing up for you.
10. He's disconnected when you're hurting
Considering many men already feel lonely and disconnected in our culture that pressures them to avoid vulnerability, it's not surprising that the trend to "nonchalance" in dating is so popularized today. Men are celebrated for being emotionally disconnected and cold — praised for "strength" that only isolates them from healthy relationships and connections.
Being disconnected when you're hurting is one of the signs of a nonchalant man you should probably stay away from. He not only keeps all his concerns and emotions inside, but he also refuses to support his partner when they're upset. If he's not getting anything from supporting you or attention for being available, he's not interested.
11. He never apologizes
Especially for people grappling with insecurity or seeking out external validation, apologizing can feel like an admission of a flaw. That's why so many people run from accountability and deflect when they're expected to offer an apology — they think they're sabotaging their self-image or perception of themselves.
A nonchalant man you should probably stay away from is likely deflecting concerns and avoiding apologies from a place of ego. He pretends like he doesn't care because it offers a protective system to avoid uncomfortable feelings of insecurity or embarrassment that they're grappling with on a deep level.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
