People Who Are Secretly Bitter About Their Lives Almost Always Have These 11 Specific Traits

People who live in a state of constant bitterness and negativity often fall into thought patterns that urge them into avoidance. They don’t make space for forgiveness, they hold onto grudges, and they stay stagnant, avoiding opportunities where discomfort can prompt change or growth. While their environments and circumstances can often create this sense of negative energy, people who are secretly bitter about their lives almost always also have these specific traits.

Whether it’s pessimism or a feeling of being chronically misunderstood, the traits that feed into bitterness sabotage chances for people to boost their moods and get out of negative ruts. They feel stuck and powerless in their lives, which, of course, leads to a snowball effect of anxiety, frustration, and isolation.

People who are secretly bitter about their lives almost always have these 11 specific traits

1. They’re avoidant

avoidant woman who is bitter about her life staring off Mix and Match Studio | Shutterstock

There’s a reason why avoidant behaviors and patterns often put people at risk for developing mental health concerns like depression. The more you run from your problems and seek comfort over change, the more likely you are to feel helpless in the face of adversity. Of course, it’s not always easy to have the hard conversations, work through conflicts, or be honest with yourself, but it is necessary.

Even if it offers a fleeting sense of comfort, in the long run, avoidance coping only amplifies the stress and fear someone’s experiences, at least according to a study from the Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. So, it’s no surprise that people feeling secretly bitter about their lives have these specific, avoidant traits.

2. They’re pessimistic

pessimistic woman turned away from her husband feeling bitter PeopleImages | Shutterstock

When someone’s pessimistic and always looking for the negative side of things, they’re going to live unhappy lives. When we think through a pessimistic all the time, lean into drama, or seek out harm to reaffirm our negativity, we manifest unhappiness.

These kinds of repetitive, negative thoughts and patterns tend to push people into unhelpful mental health concerns, as a study from Collabra Psychology explains, which only spark bitterness. People who are secretly bitter with their lives may not be open about their unhappiness, but you can always tell by their pessimism that they’re struggling behind closed doors.

3. They feel entitled

man who feels entitled sitting with his wife Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

People who are entitled have a skewed definition of “fairness.” Because they believe they’re more “deserving” of other people’s time, energy, and effort, when things don’t go their way, or nobody swoops in to save them from discomfort, they deem life to be entirely and totally “unfair.”

However, what they’re really saying when they say “that’s not fair” is “that’s not convenient or easy for me.” People who are secretly bitter about their lives will always be unhappy and disappointed, especially if they’re too entitled to take accountability for their own well-being and happiness.

4. They keep score

bitter couple keeping score in their relationship PeopleImages | Shutterstock

People who cultivate transactional relationships, keeping score of other people’s behaviors and expecting things in return for otherwise unconditional traits, are more likely to develop a sense of bitterness in their lives. They aren’t being kind to people for the sake of boosting connection or doing things out of the kindness of their hearts — they’re expecting something in return.

Especially if they’ve been meticulously tracking how much someone “owes” them for conditional love and attention, chances are they’re more likely to feel disconnected from loved ones and resentful in relationships going through rough patches.

5. They’re passive-aggressive

bitter and passive-aggressive man turned away from his wife PeopleImages | Shutterstock

According to psychologist Loren S. Soerio, passive-aggressive language and behaviors can often feel harmless in the moment, but over time, they quickly erode personal well-being, relationship satisfaction, and trust. Usually, a passive-aggressive person is hiding their cruelty or resentment with passive language, but that doesn’t mean they are not still sabotaging the energy of interactions and conversations.

Someone who’s bitter about life may not even realize they’re being passive-aggressive, either — it may simply come from a place of emotional turmoil that they aren’t sure how to cope with in other ways.

6. They’re chronic complainers

woman who's a chronic complainer talking on the phone Dragana Gordic | Shutterstock

Considering negative energy, typically sparked by complaints and drama, is often contagious to everyone in its vicinity, it’s not surprising that chronic complainers are often isolated and bitter. They feel the need to complain to seek external reassurance and to vent their pent-up emotions, but when they never take any action to change something, they’re stuck in this cycle of bitterness.

Especially if they’re only conversing with people when they have something negative to complain about, chances are they’re going to end up feeling more lonely in the long run.

7. They have a misguided sense of superiority

bitter man with a misguided sense of superiority talking at work Motortion Films | Shutterstock

People who have an inflated ego or a misguided sense of superiority, like a narcissist, are often compensating for a deep sense of insecurity. They feel the need to control everything and everyone around them for a sense of peace, even if it drives people away and keeps them stuck in an isolated reality.

They’re inherently passive-aggressive, disrespectful, and condescending to the people around them, as if they’re better than everyone else, and actively sabotage their chance at true meaning and connection.

8. They always expect the worst

worried woman thinking and expecting the worst DimaBerlin | Shutterstock

Our minds and thought patterns often play a strong role in our realities. Of course, not every passing thought we have manifests into something bigger, but when we cultivate negative thought patterns and always expect the worst, chances are we’re going to live unhappier, anxious lives.

People who are secretly bitter about their lives almost always have these specific traits. They’re prone to expecting the worst and always find something negative to cling to. Even if it offers them a sense of fleeting control or reassurance, these patterns only push them to live in a constant state of fear and anxiety.

9. They’re insecure

insecure man feeling secretly bitter about his life MAYA LAB | Shutterstock

Whether it’s in relationships with an insecure attachment or a personal lack of self-esteem, people struggling with insecurity are often at a higher risk of depression and anxiety. They’re not internally gratified by healthy habits and attitudes, but instead look for external validation and attention to feel secure and in control.

Of course, they’re bitter in their lives — they rely on others for a sense of happiness. When their relationships shift, people prioritize themselves, or form more secure attachments, they’re left feeling overlooked and alone.

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10. They’re prone to giving up

bitter woman who's prone to giving up looking stressed out PeopleImages | Shutterstock

As a 2016 study explains, this kind of helplessness is often associated with a tendency to “give up” and avoid challenges. They feel like they have no control over the direction of their lives, so when things get challenging or uncomfortable, they’re the first to give up.

Of course, they’re bitter — they don’t want to challenge themselves into change and always expect other people to drop happiness and success right into their laps.

11. They’re chronically jealous

bitter woman who's chronically jealous of couple Prostock-studio | Shutterstock

While jealousy can sometimes be productive, reminding us of things we want to achieve and dreams we should strive toward, when it’s left unregulated, it can quickly strain relationships and chip away at self-esteem. People who are secretly bitter about their lives usually have these specific traits — they’re jealous of everyone in their lives, but rarely change anything about their own.

Of course, there’s enough success, love, and even money for everyone to have their share, yet intrinsically jealous people would prefer to invalidate other people’s achievements to feel better about their own lack.

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.