If Narcissists Can't Stand You, You Likely Have These 10 Rare Traits That Repel Them
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Narcissists are usually drawn to people they can easily manipulate and exert control over. They enjoy being around those that feed their egos or make themselves smaller to keep the peace, rather than attempting to challenge them. Licensed psychotherapist Sherry Gaba explained that narcissists are only ever "trying to find a person who will fill a significant role in their life." They want someone who will make them look good and superior. So, when they come across certain people without these qualities, they become unhappy and weak.
Whether it's not needing validation or refusing to tolerate disrespect, if narcissists can't stand you, you likely have these rare traits that repel them. It's the type of people who refuse to let others dim their own light to make someone else feel good. Because of that, these individuals tend to stand out in such a way that it instantly makes narcissistic people deeply uncomfortable. They might not even realize that they're being intimidating in the first place — they're just being their usually selves. But it becomes clear that their warm and inviting personality clashes with the unhealthy traits a narcissist has.
If narcissists can't stand you, you likely have these 10 rare traits that repel them
1. You don't seek validation from them
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Because narcissists can't stand you, you're likely someone that deeply knows yourself and never needs to lean on the validation from others, which repels them. You don't have to look anywhere else to define your worth because you're quite secure in yourself.
It doesn't mean that you don't have moments of insecurity, but it doesn't hinder how you see yourself overall. That kind of power means that you leave narcissists feeling useless and unimportant because they can't control you through praise or giving approval only to take it away.
Mental health expert Jamie Cannon explained that narcissists are often "working overtime to gain an understanding of where you are most vulnerable." They hone in on those who are struggling with their confidence, meaning when you're someone that is quite self-assured, they resent the fact that they have zero leverage over you.
2. You don't rush to fill the silence
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Narcissistic people often enjoy nonstop attention. Silence makes them feel anxious because of how it forces them to really sit with themselves rather than putting on a performance of being someone they're not. Since you're someone that is comfortable just letting moments be rather than scrambling to say something, narcissists feel a bit exposed around you.
You aren't someone that automatically starts panicking when conversations slow down or come to a complete stop. When you're not rushing to respond, the discomfort that narcissists feel immediately turns into irritation and even attempts to provoke you.
3. You don't share your deepest wounds right away
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You might be someone that's warm and personable, but you're also quite selective with how deep you get to talking about your past experiences. This can instantly frustrate narcissists — they want to be able to have instant access to your emotions and your trauma because they are looking to exploit it later on if they need to. When you refuse to give it to them right off the bat, they know that you're not someone they can manipulate.
You're just not someone that chooses to overshare. Instead, you would rather form close, safe, and healthy bonds with people before you start to tell stories of your past. Also, not everyone who listens to you deserves to hear your story. Some people focus more on collecting other people's vulnerability than actually wanting to understand it.
4. You see patterns instead of excuses
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The second that you meet a narcissistic person, you immediately notice their repeated behaviors. You don't fall for their half-apologies or over-the-top explanations. Because of that, it makes it impossible for them to control the narrative in their favor. They dislike you because you're able to remember the past things they've said or done, connect the dots, and eventually call them out on their behavior.
Licensed marriage and family therapist Dan Neuharth pointed out that a "telling characteristic of narcissists is their tendency to refuse to apologize or to issue apologies that leave others underwhelmed, confused, or feeling even worse." You're not harsh about seeing through a narcissistic person's half-hearted attempt at making amends. You just refuse to depend on someone that uses excuses to get out of things rather than actually feeling remorse and taking accountability.
5. You don't need to be chosen to feel valuable
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Rejection doesn't ruin your sense of self. The same way that you're not seeking validation from others also translates to how you handle rejection. You see it as something or someone being the right fit and coming in at the right time. If something is not meant for you, you're able to grieve for a bit before moving on.
If narcissists can't stand you, you likely have these rare traits that repel them, because you don't chase after things or people that feel uncertain. Narcissists struggle with being around people who have such a healthy relationship with rejection. They often use it as a way to feel powerful, so when you aren't reacting dramatically to not being chosen, their leverage immediately disappears. They expect to be chased.
6. You don't idolize potential
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You care way more about how someone is behaving in that current moment than who they could be in the future. If someone is showing you their true colors when you've first met them, that's the impression you have of them until they make the changes to grow and develop better habits.
Because of this, you don't enjoy wasting energy hoping someone will change for you. Instead, you're able to notice patterns and adjust your expectations. You don't fall for people who love to make grand promises but then never follow-through, which is usually what narcissists do.
They rely on the illusion of perfection to charm and keep people invested in them. When you aren't dazzled by what they could be, their empty promises quickly lose ammunition.
7. You're emotionally regulated
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You're not someone who instantly explodes or spirals when you're being provoked. You're always steady in your responses and know that staying calm in any sort of conflict will garner the best results. However, this means that narcissists are unable to rely on you for that emotional chaos they crave.
According to research published in Behavioral Medicine, narcissists tend to be characterized by finding comfortability in volatile situations with people. When you're able to feel things fully rather than immediately dumping your feelings on the nearest person in your vicinity, it takes away their power.
You're able to sit with your emotions long enough to understand them. That alone makes you a hard person for narcissists to manipulate. Considering they depend on big reactions to give them leverage, when you stay calm and assured, narcissists lose that advantage. It's not that you don't care, it's just that you don't turn every feeling into a moment where you lose your head.
8. You don't over-explain yourself
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You're someone that communicates clearly and then you stop. You don't ramble on or try to justify something you've just said. Considering narcissists usually depend on people getting confused or exhausted from trying to explain themselves so they can gain control, your self-assurance makes it obvious you're not looking for their approval.
Licensed counselor Suzanne Degges-White pointed out that the "sense of entitlement" narcissists feel constantly is "hard-wired" into their personalities. They want to feel like they're above everyone else, so when you're confident in your boundaries, decisions, and choices that you make, they lack enough fuel to actually pull one over on you. They aren't able to get the reactions or control that they're looking for from you.
9. You refuse to tolerate subtle disrespect
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Backhanded compliments don't just slide past you without being noticed. You can feel when a comment was meant to rile you up, so you refuse to just shrug it off or try to convince yourself that it wasn't a big deal. You register it and then adjust how much energy you're giving someone.
That trait helps you protect yourself from being in drama and conflict. So, if narcissists can't stand you, you likely refuse to tolerate disrespect from anyone, even if it's subtle.
Narcissists thrive off of making small digs and sly comments about people, mostly because it works on those that just dismiss them. But you don't. You see their behavior for what it is and you quietly remove yourself from the situation before it can escalate.
10. You trust your intuition
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Even when a narcissist is being charismatic or persuasive, you listen to what your gut is telling you about them. And usually, it's telling you that something is way off. Narcissists are usually quite charming at first, which is how they reel people in. However, your instincts are able to tell you who is safe and being genuine versus who might have some kind of hidden agenda.
You rarely fall for appearances alone. Charm might impress the most casual of observers, but not you. Since narcissists aren't able to force your attention or approval just based on their initial appeal, it makes them severely uncomfortable. They simply can't get to you because of how much you just trust yourself.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
