People Who Say These 11 Phrases Almost Always Lose All Their Friends Over Time
VH-studio | Shutterstock There are hundreds of studies and experts who all point to the necessity of friendships in our adult lives. They not only protect our physical health and well-being, but they also give us a sense of belonging and support, and even promote a sense of purpose that safeguards us from depression and other mental health concerns. However, if you’re not putting in any effort into your friendships and expecting them to continue to be pillars of support, chances are you’re more likely to lose them.
Even in small conversations, people who say certain phrases almost always lose all their friends over time. From “that’s not my problem” to “I don’t have the time for that,” they’re more focused on their own needs and desires than showing up for their friends. Friendships aren’t always easy or convenient, like most connections in life, but when we feed into them intentionally, they’re worth fleeting moments of discomfort.
People who say these 11 phrases almost always lose all their friends over time
1. ‘The phone works both ways’
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Of course, reciprocity is essential in friendships to promote belonging, and they require effort from both parties, but if someone is using a phrase like “the phone works both ways” to justify not reaching out first or making any plans, chances are they’re more likely to always lose their friends over time.
Much like in romantic relationships, in platonic connections, when one person or both people become disengaged from each other, that’s the “point of no return” for mending things, at least according to a study from Personal Relationships.
2. ‘I’m just an honest person’
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While true honesty is often uncomfortable, in friendships, it’s essential to building longevity and connection. From expressing emotions to being regulated enough to work through concerns in the moment, rather than letting them spiral into resentment and toxicity, honesty lays the foundation for trust in a platonic connection.
However, justifying passive-aggressiveness and cruelty with a phrase like “I’m just an honest person” or “I’m being brutally honest” is common only amongst people who almost always lose their friends over time. It’s simply a disguise for compensating for insecurity or resentment, and it puts a bad name on the honesty that friends really need to stay close.
Arguments and conflict aren’t always easy, but you should never feel like your hurt feelings are dismissed or invalidated by your friends’ responses.
3. ‘You don’t need to be at every hangout’
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Of course, it’s true that, especially in adulthood, it’s often impossible to have every single member of a friend group at the same event or “hangout.” However, a truly good, supportive friend will at least be transparent and supportive of another person’s hurt when they’re feeling excluded or isolated.
Even if that doesn’t mean extending an invite, but spending time with them or making space for their feelings, they’re never going to guilt or shame someone into being honest about their hurt feelings. However, people who say phrases like “you don’t need to be at every hangout” almost always lose all their friends over time.
They don’t actually care about making their friendships safe spaces to work through the hard feelings and emotions, but rather, protecting themselves from needing to take accountability or support another person in the most inconvenient moments.
4. ‘That’s not what I said’
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Forming friendships requires a certain level of emotional expression and vulnerability, but in our current culture, where so many people are leaning on selfishness for a sense of comfort, it’s no surprise that we’re stuck in an age of lost connections and loneliness. Expressing emotions and creating a safe space for your friends to do the same, without judgment, is the key to longevity.
However, if your friend makes you feel small for expressing concerns and often invalidates and gaslights you when you’re vulnerable, chances are they’re not a good person to keep around. People who say things like “that’s not what I said” and “you’re overreacting” almost always lose all their friends over time, because they’re pushing away vulnerability with criticism and unnecessary judgment.
Whether it’s rooted in shame or insecurity, they’re trying to run away from accountability or facing their own emotions, and at the end of the day, that’s a huge barrier to cultivating strong relationships — in any form.
5. ‘You’re just jealous’
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If someone’s using a phrase like “you’re just jealous of me” all the time, chances are they’re missing an element of conflict-resolution or healthy argumentative styles in their relationships. Of course, jealous friends are common, but not every person who pushes back against you or expresses concerns is inherently jealous.
Of course, if a friend is truly jealous or envious, chances are their negative behavior is impossible to ignore — sparking toxic cycles of resentment and betrayal that sabotage the friendship on their own. However, for people who tend to lose all their friends, calling someone “jealous” or painting someone as a “toxic” friend is only a method to avoid conflict or accountability.
They prefer to push people away and shift the narrative in favor of their own victimhood to protect their fragile sense of self when, in reality, accountability, honesty, and vulnerability are what their relationships need to thrive.
6. ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’
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According to a study from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, relationship quality suffers in friendships when people put in too much or too little effort to support their friends. When someone’s using a phrase like “I’m sorry you feel that way” instead of taking accountability or validating a friend’s emotions, they’re probably the latter.
They care more about protecting their victimhood and being “correct” than resolving problems and being emotionally available for their friends.
7. ‘That’s not my problem’
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Friendships aren’t always convenient, but that’s also what makes them so powerful. When you put in effort to resolve a conflict, support your friends’ emotions, or show up for small favors, it’s clear that you’re putting in effort — even amid a busy schedule or a chaotic routine. To build a community of support, you also have to be willing to take on your friends’ problems as if they were your own, and show up even when it’s not easy or convenient.
People who say phrases like “that’s not my problem” or “you’re on your own” aren’t interested in building a healthy, supportive friendship or cultivating a village of community — they’re interested in finding people who support and help them without needing to put in any work themselves.
8. ‘I was right’
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Of course, friends can’t avoid arguments if they want to stay friends and cultivate a positive relationship, but the way they engage in healthy conflict-resolution is the key to how connected and secure they feel. So, if someone is more worried about “winning” arguments than being supportive, or being “correct” instead of honest, they’re the kind of friend who rarely cultivates strong relationships.
They’re used to keeping things on a surface-level and pushing people away when they ask for too much or attack their ego with honesty.
9. ‘I don’t owe anything to you’
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While it’s true that you don’t legally or emotionally “owe” anyone anything, especially with toxic people who drain your energy, when you make the decision to cultivate a strong relationship with someone, you actually do.
There’s a certain level of effort, energy, and love that’s required to sustain relationships. We may not have the space to engage in all of these things all the time, but if someone is regularly using a phrase like “I don’t owe anything to you” to avoid discomfort altogether, they’re not invested.
10. ‘No offense’
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If someone you consider a friend or a loved one regularly drains you or makes you feel insecure after expressing your emotions, there’s a chance they’re not a good person to keep around. If they’re using phrases like “no offense” or “it’s just a joke” to invalidate your hurt when they’ve been cruel, they’re protecting themselves, not supporting you.
While it’s easy to overlook small phrases like this to avoid accountability, the truth is that it’s these small moments that truly sabotage our well-being. Friendships are powerful for health, and if you’re cultivating toxic ones, they’re not doing you any favors.
11. ‘You’re so fake’
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Bad friends, who are constantly living in an anxious, defensive mode, weaponize cruelty and embarrassment with phrases like “you’re so fake.” They want people to feel more insecure and leverage negativity to gaslight people to get what they want. If they can share their inner turmoil with others, they can feel less accountability in actually changing how they feel.
People who say these phrases almost always lose all their friends in their life, because they bring other people down to feel more secure, at the expense of their well-being and relationships.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
