20 Signs Your Best Friend Isn't On Your Team Anymore — Even If They Claim To Be Ride-Or-Die
LOOK | Canva It’s great to have a best friend, a ride-or-die who is honest with you. Someone who shows they truly care about you and knows you can do better. But when honesty turns into brutal, unnecessary criticisms, and you find yourself losing comfort with your friends who claim to be ride-or-die, then they’re nothing but fake friends rather than your true supporters.
Here are 20 signs your best friend isn't on your team anymore, even if they claim to be ride-or-die:
1. They are fake
A fake friend is someone who pretends to be your friend by putting on a facade of sorts, but never actually has your best interests at heart. They are motivated by their own needs and desires with little to no thought towards yours. Fake friends are insincere people who are most likely your "friend" to get something out of you. In other words, they lack genuine concern for your well-being.
A real friend is there to support and encourage you. They are there to add to your life, not deplete you. Fake friends are superficial and self-serving, while real friends are authentic, supportive, and caring.
2. They are filled with envy instead of joy
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When you get engaged, their reaction is to complain about you posting too many photos of your ring on social media or how someone like you could be engaged before them. They have such a hard time celebrating with you because they're too busy focusing on their own life and are wondering why they can’t have what you have.
Career coach Dr. Sharon Livingston explained, "When your friend hears what you’ve shared, even if, and especially if, it’s something you have uncomfortable feelings about, they respond with acceptance and understanding and avoid judging you. They wait to give suggestions until you’re ready to hear them."
3. They compete instead of encourage
They're constantly trying to be ahead of you in everything: hairstyles, wardrobe, grades — even cleansing diets. They need to be “on top” with the idea that you could look up and follow like a puppy. They'll never encourage you to do better because they have to be ahead.
"While good friends aren't literal cheerleaders, they support you and your accomplishments," explained Dr. Livingston. "Having a supportive friend significantly benefits mental health by reducing stress, alleviating feelings of loneliness, lowering depression risk, improving self-esteem, and providing a sense of belonging, particularly during challenging times."
4. They make passive-aggressive compliments
Most of us are familiar with that moment when you come out of the H&M dressing room with a new outfit. You either get a shout of praise or a shake of the head. Either way, your friend is helping you look great.
But a fake friend is someone who gives passive-aggressive responses disguised as insults that make you regret shopping with them in the first place. If you can’t even enjoy shopping with your friends, it’s time to cut them off.
5. Their misery loves your company
It seems like every time you’re with them, the world seems darker. They have no concept of looking on the brighter side of things and will shut down any positivity, especially if it’s coming from you. Hanging out with them becomes the chore that you would rather procrastinate about. Social groups are important for well-being. A study on longevity showed that being actively involved socially increased life span by over 10 years.
6. They love to gossip
Their lips might as well be sewers with the amount of smack they talk about other people. Social media is their sanctuary for purging everything bad about the people they hate — and even like. They can turn anyone’s life story into a horror story.
"A jealous friend may seek opportunities to criticize others who share your time, attention, and admiration," advised relationship coach Ann Papayoti. "This may be to isolate, dominate, and create self-doubt about your perceptions. A true friend would have an honest conversation with you if they are concerned about someone in your life, and the intention would be very different from criticism."
7. They talk behind your back
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In reality, if they do something with you, they probably do it with others. So if they are gossiping about poor Sandy and her bad hairdo, they may just be doing the same when you have a bad hair day yourself. This is just a big red flag when it comes to fake friends. And that’s enough said because there’s no point in being friends with someone who can’t be constructive with you.
8. They are paranoid
They always feel like someone is after them. They become a CIA agent the minute they get a friend request on Facebook or even a like on their Instagram photo. Suspicious might as well be their middle name.
9. They hold grudges
The chip never leaves their shoulder. If they’re mad at another friend in the group, you could forget ever going to a bar altogether. They'll always want you to choose sides (preferably theirs) and can never just "let it go".
Be careful with this one, because they can easily turn into your worst enemy on the spot should you mess up.
10. They do everything in their power to make you look bad
With a fake friend, you have to be cautious around them. You can’t get too vulnerable around them because they'll either take photos of you to make you look bad online or will go on and on about how ridiculous you were (and not in a good way) over brunch in the morning.
A friend you can’t even get vulnerable with, and then have a fun brunch with, is not a friend at all. Research explored how empathy can reduce pain, so being around others who care can actually make us feel mentally and physically better.
11. They make you feel like you can't be yourself around them
You have to hide a small part of yourself, which is your true self, because you fear that they will tear you down. If you can't be yourself around your friend, there's no point in being friends, right?
Your friend should be able to make you feel comfortable sharing your vulnerabilities with them. If you fear doing this, it's obvious you have a fake friend in your life.
12. They hold everything you say against you
Nothing sucks more than not being able to have no filter around a friend, because any can of worms could crack open. If you have to overthink everything you say or do around them, it's probably best not to be around them. Makes sense, doesn't it?
You don't want to have to constantly be filtering your actions; you should be able to let go and live life to the fullest with your ride or die. That's the whole point!
13. They never support you
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A fake friend will never be there for you to support your endeavors or congratulate you on your achievements. Instead, they will resent you for your success or talk you out of opportunities. They will make you doubt yourself, which no real friend would ever do.
14. They turn people against you
One sad way you can tell if you have a fake friend is if they start turning those around you against you. Have they isolated you from other friends? Love interests? Family members? They may be a fake friend if they are doing this to you.
15. They constantly need your attention
You have heard of the clingy girlfriend type, but have you heard of the clingy exclusive friendship? Fake friends will not just expect your attention 24/7 — they will demand it. And god forbid you choose another friend over them. In fact, how can you have any other friends when you have them? This is a huge red flag waving right in front of your face.
16. They are energy vampires
Energy vampires will be overwhelming in your life. They will drain you emotionally, physically, and mentally. They will suck all the energy you have out of you because of how high-maintenance they are.
Couples counselor Larry Michel explained the drain you feel from energy vampires comes from "having two different genetically determined energetic frequencies. You vibrate differently and communicate differently. You listen and use words differently. You even write differently. You express emotions differently. But, most importantly, the two frequencies repel each other. So, you feel like the energy has been sucked out of you." Friends should be able to give you space to recharge and understand that you, too, have a life outside of them.
17. They are liars
A friend who lies is no friend at all. You don't want to have liars around you, as it makes for a hostile environment. Fake friends will lie to your face like it's nothing, and you don't want that in your life.
18. They don't defend you
Just as they will talk behind your back, a fake friend will not be on your side. They will never put their neck out to defend you or help you in any way. A true friend would never allow someone to talk badly about you without you there. A fake friend would, even if you're standing right there.
19. They are expert manipulators
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A fake friend will attempt to make you feel beyond guilty for anything you do wrong — even after you apologize. They will manipulate you to their heart's content to get what they want, not what you need.
The most common guilt trip with them is blaming you for, well, being you. They will also gaslight you into thinking you actually deserve to be blamed. You know that John Mulaney bit where he says he would probably apologize to a person who spilled soup in his lap? That's exactly what a fake friend will do to you.
20. They challenge you to deal with them
Dealing with fake friends can be challenging, but it's important to prioritize genuine relationships in your life. So, if you find yourself in a sticky situation with a "fake friend," there are a few things you can do.
You could cut them out of your life by reducing the contact you have with them. Stop replying to their texts, stop picking up their calls, and limit your time spent around them. They'll eventually get the hint and leave.
Another way you could deal with a fake friend is to set clear and firm boundaries. Don't give them any more chances to break them. And, above all, be sure you can recognize the signs so you can snip that relationship out of your life to focus on more genuine connections.
Marie Cyprien is a writer, researcher, library assistant, and editor whose work has been featured on Black Enterprise, Guideposts, Puckermob, The Oklahoma Eagle, and more.
