6 Friendship Red Flags We All Quietly Pretend Are Normal, Even Though They’re Not
A good friend would never do these things.
wavebreakmedia | Shutterstock Friendship is one of the most important bonds we make in life. A good friend encourages us to grow, celebrates our successes, and helps us through our losses.
However, not every friend is a good friend, and it can sometimes be difficult to tell the difference. We often ignore questionable actions because society has normalized them. However, in reality, we should hold our friends accountable and treat these actions like what they are: red flags.
1. Only reaching out when they need something.
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People get busy with responsibilities outside of friendship, like work and family. That's completely normal, and every relationship has its ebbs and flows. However, if the only time that a friend ever reaches out to you is when they need something, that's a huge red flag and an indication that they're using you.
Friendship should not be transactional or one-sided. Both parties should get the same level of fulfillment. Of course, friendships change as you get older and life gets busier, but a good friend will check in, even when they don't need anything. Perhaps, especially then.
2. Never apologizing, just 'moving on.'
This is often disguised as "acting like adults" or not wanting to draw out conflict. But avoiding accountability and not owning up to mistakes is a red flag in any relationship, friendships included. This is an example of emotional manipulation, and a friend who acts this way likely lacks the emotional intelligence needed for a healthy friendship.
3. Having terrible communication.
Do you have a friend who is chronically online but never seems to answer a call? You can see that they are active on Instagram, but your texts remain unread, or at least unanswered. That's a major red flag. They may say they're "just not good at communicating," but really, their lack of effort shows a lack of care.
"Relationships don’t last in a vacuum," clinical psychologist Lise Deguire stressed. "If you want a meaningful, long-lasting relationship, you will have to put in effort, time, and commitment, and it won’t always be fun."
4. Mocking or minimizing your boundaries or feelings.
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Disrespecting boundaries or constantly mocking your feelings isn't just a red flag; it's bullying. They may play it off as "just a joke," but if they're the only one laughing, then they're breaking your trust. They might even gaslight you into thinking your feelings aren't valid or that they're being brutally honest, but that's far from the truth. Someone who truly cares about you will care about your feelings and respect your boundaries.
5. Acting differently around other people.
It's not uncommon for people to adjust their behavior based on the social setting they're in or the people they're with. Of course, you'll act differently at a party than you do at school or work. However, acting two-faced around certain people or excluding friends from other groups or activities is a hurtful form of social manipulation.
A friend who acts this way may only be hanging out with you until they get a "better offer" from someone else, at which point they will ditch you with no remorse. A good friend would invite you along and make every effort to include you.
6. Trying to compete.
A healthy friendship is not a competition, and it can be exhausting when someone constantly tries to one-up you. This often leads to jealousy or resentment on both sides. "If your friends feel more like opposing teammates than supportive cheerleaders, your relationship may have strayed into unhealthy territory," YourTango staff writer Zayda Slabbekoorn warned.
Kayla Asbach is a writer currently working on her bachelor's degree at the University of Central Florida. She covers relationships, psychology, self-help, pop culture, and human interest topics.
