If Your Husband Has These 11 Habits At Home, He’s Not Happy
LightField Studios / Shutterstock Most people enter marriage expecting not to get divorced. Filled with joy and optimism, the average person might claim they'll do everything they can to make their marriage work. That being said, sometimes one or both people grow uncomfortable in the relationship, and if your husband displays some specific habits at home, there's a good chance that he's not happy.
Marriage isn't always a linear line of happiness. Like anything in life, marriage is filled with its fair share of ups and downs. And while it's much easier for both parties to communicate what they need, most unhappy husbands keep their thoughts to themselves, falling back on these habits instead.
If your husband has these 11 habits at home, he's not happy
1. He becomes emotionally withdrawn
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If your husband is emotionally withdrawn at home, he's not happy in his marriage. It should go without saying, but men who aren't emotionally invested in their marriage likely aren't that happy in their marriage. From avoiding deep conversations to never saying how he's feeling, he'll completely shun his wife. While it's cruel, most men are taught how to develop emotional intelligence, leading to emotional withdrawal.
Clinical psychologist Melanie A. McNally, Psy.D., pointed out, "When people are high in emotional intelligence, they're able to navigate everyday interactions, make better decisions, and maintain healthier relationships." So, if he's not willing to be open, he isn't just hurting his marriage. Men might not realize it, but by shutting down, he's hurting himself more in the long run.
2. He gets easily irritated by small things
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Let's face it, most of us have gotten irritated at our partners at some point in our lives. Whether we're irritated by their optimism or their decisions, this feeling typically comes and goes in waves. However, if your husband has the habit of being irritated by small things, he's not happy in his marriage.
Yes, it's normal to feel irritated or upset from time to time. Yet, being irritated at extremely small things is a sign that something deeper is going on. Of course, this doesn't change the fact that this irritation should be discussed and addressed. After all, while their partners might do things that slightly annoy them, their intolerance for small mishaps is a huge sign that they have some work to do within themselves and their marriage.
3. He avoids time at home
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There are few things worse than wanting to go home only to get stuck with more paperwork. It's a tale as old as time; however, everyone's been in a position where they weren't home as much as they'd have loved to be. And while this is unavoidable, if your husband has the habit of avoiding time at home, he's not happy in his marriage. Sorry, but there's a huge difference between being busy and avoiding.
Men who refuse to spend time with their wives are likely miserable in their marriage. Yet, whether it's their wife's fault or not, men must ask themselves one question: do they truly want to stay? If the answer is yes, then spending time together is crucial. As the Gottman Institute pointed out, spending at least six hours a week together is an important way to ensure relationship satisfaction doesn't decrease.
4. He stops initiating conversations
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If there's one thing any marriage needs in order to survive, it's communication. From asking, "How was your day?" to messaging them encouraging texts throughout the day, communication is one of those vital things most married couples should never skip. And while the happy couples have excellent communication skills, if your husband has the habit of stopping initiating conversations at home, he's not happy.
For one reason or another, a husband no longer feels content with opening up to his wife. Maybe it's because he feels misunderstood or frustrated. Either way, he's learned to close himself off, causing irreparable damage to their marriage. So, while his feelings are valid, it's important to work through things. Otherwise, the marriage might end in divorce.
5. He's stopped being affectionate
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The longer a couple is married, the more they lose that spark of affection they once had for each other. The more responsibilities a couple has, the more likely they are to cut off physical affection. This isn't great, as refusing to initiate any affection at all could leave both parties miserable in their marriage.
Even so, there's no denying that if your husband has the habit of never giving affection, he's not happy in the marriage. He may not admit to it out loud, but there's likely an emotional need in his marriage that isn't being met. Because of this, he might refrain from giving kisses or hugs, choosing to act cold instead. This isn't great, as researcher Sean M. Horan, Ph.D., explained, "Conversely, we found that the amount of affection you receive from your partner best predicts your satisfaction." So, if a wife is receiving zero affection, he's probably not as happy as he wants you to think.
6. He is always on his phone
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Once a couple's been married for a while, it's normal for them to relax around one another. From playing video games to scrolling on their phone, they don't always need to have an intense conversation every two seconds. That being said, if your husband is always on his phone, he's not happy in his marriage. While it's normal to be on it sometimes, if he can't stay off it to pay attention, this isn't a good thing.
After all, even the busiest couple out there needs to spend one-on-one time. So, if he's unable to do so without looking for a way out, he might be more miserable in his marriage than he's letting on.
7. He stays silent during conflict
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When a couple is in conflict, it's normal to have some disagreements. From bickering back and forth to having different perspectives, communication is crucial to making any marriage thrive. However, if your husband has a habit of staying silent during conflict, he's not happy in his marriage. Believe it or not, conflict can be good from time to time. As psychologist and psychotherapist Mark B. Borg, Jr, Ph.D., and Haruna Miyamoto-Borg, LCSW, pointed out, "Conflict isn't proof of failure; it's proof of engagement."
So, if a husband isn't willing to engage, this could be a sign that he is tired and feels unheard in the marriage. Knowing this, it might be a good idea for women to initiate the conversation and find ways to make him feel more heard. Because, in the same way a woman's opinion and perspective are valid, so is her husband's.
8. He uses sarcastic or passive-aggressive comments
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If your husband has the habit of using sarcastic or passive-aggressive comments, he's not happy. Now, every couple has its own way of communicating. While some couples are more direct, others might use sly remarks to say how they're truly feeling. However, if a couple truly wants to make their marriage last for a long time, direct communication will always win. Not only is it respectful, but it's easier.
Not misinterpreting or jumping to conclusions, both men and women can say how they feel without adding disrespect. This is crucial as disrespect tends to break even the strongest marriages apart.
9. He neglects self-care
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It isn't always easy to take care of oneself. As much as people love to claim that fitting self-care in is as easy as pie, many couples struggle. From busy schedules to low energy, there are many reasons why. However, when it comes to the happiness of a relationship, if your husband neglects self-care at home, he's not happy. Like women, men also need to put themselves first.
Whether that means testing more or doing the basics, carving out this time is crucial. However, if a husband can never seem to do so, no matter what, there's something terribly wrong. Whether it's his marriage or something else, he isn't happy. This is why communicating and getting professional help is crucial, as neglecting oneself can lead to dire consequences in the long run. As mental health counselor Shainna Ali, Ph.D., LMHC, NCC, said, "Neglecting personal care can cause increases in anxiety, distractibility, anger, and fatigue."
10. He avoids planning for the future
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The happiest couples in the world often daydream about and plan their future together. From when they want to have kids to what country they want to travel to next, happy couples can't help but look forward to the future. However, if your husband has the habit of avoiding future planning, he's not happy. Sorry, but any person who doesn't want to think about their future with someone likely doesn't see a future in the first place.
Of course, he might not say it out loud or directly. However, his thoughts are pretty clear. No longer feeling content and happy in his marriage, most men who avoid planning their future without their partner are secretly looking for a way out.
11. He becomes overly independent
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Finally, if your husband has the habit of becoming overly independent at home, he's not happy. Now, on the outside, his independence might seem like a good thing. Thank god he's finally starting to do things all on his own, right? Yet, while independence is a great thing, too much independence might signal that something is wrong. From a man feeling unsafe to feeling unsupported, he'll take on everything because he doesn't plan on sticking around for long.
This is why it's crucial to spot this behavior before it escalates. As American psychologist Mark Travers, Ph.D., pointed out, "While independence builds resilience, hyper-independence creates a barrier that blocks genuine connection, turning self-reliance into isolation."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
