11 Phrases Deeply Unhappy Couples Say To Each Other On A Daily Basis
Every relationship goes through struggles, but deeply unhappy couples say these things to each other daily.
guys_who_shoot / Shutterstock Maintaining a healthy relationship isn’t always easy. Every partnership will endure a rough patch at some point. Many will be able to work through their problems, but not every couple can. Deeply unhappy couples often reveal their feelings through their words and actions. Often, these words can be deeply damaging to their relationship.
Words carry more weight in a partnership than some might think. While certain phrases can provide affirmation and affection, others can cause deep pain. Couples who are deeply unhappy will often use phrases as weapons to hurt the other person. It can be a tell-tale sign that a couple is unhappy by the way they speak to each other. They will often make disparaging comments, put the other person down, and dismiss their feelings.
These are 11 phrases deeply unhappy couples say to each other on a daily basis
1. 'I don't care'
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When a couple is deeply unhappy, they will stop putting effort into the relationship. Gone are the days of sweet dates or kind words. They will show their unhappiness by the lack of time they spend.
Saying that they don’t care about the other person’s feelings is a sure sign that they are emotionally disconnected from the relationship. Unhappy partners may tell their significant other that they don’t care about what they’re saying on a daily basis.
2. ‘I’m not happy’
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This phrase tells their partner exactly how they feel. When someone is deeply unhappy with the other person, they will let them know in no uncertain terms.
Unhappiness in a relationship is often caused by one partner feeling the other isn’t meeting their needs. As a result, the person who is being told that the other is unhappy may shut down and start to doubt the relationship altogether. Deeply unhappy couples often have conversations about what in the relationship isn’t working for them often.
3. ‘I hate when you do that’
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Unhappy couples are easily irritated by each other. Instead of letting them know how their behavior makes them feel in a thoughtful manner, they will often put them down by saying they hate the way they act.
While they may genuinely dislike that behavior, there can also be a bit of projection. They may not like those actions because they mirror something they are unhappy with about themselves. Dr. John Gressel says that this stems from the idea that no two people view the world or others in the same way. Deeply unhappy couples may point out each other’s flaws for this reason.
4. ‘This is all your fault’
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Unhappy couples often look for any opportunity to blame their partner's behavior on them. "This is all your fault" is an easy way to put their partner down and make them question their stability in the relationship.
“Many of these people who are continuous fault-finders have Hijackal behaviors that include blaming everyone,” says Dr. Rhoberta Shaler. “Hijackals are people who hijack relationships, for their own purposes, while relentlessly scavenging them for power, status, and control.”
Deeply unhappy couples will use this phrase to make the other feel bad and to gain control over their emotions.
5. ‘Why don’t you just…’
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Unhappy couples often lack the patience to work through their issues and, out of anger, will often make comments like, "Why don’t you just get over it?" or "Why don’t you just stop?" This is a rude way to speak to someone else and an easy way to dismiss their feelings.
Deeply unhappy couples are likely past the point of wanting to work through their issues. They lack the patience to articulate how they really feel, and will dismiss it with a ‘why don’t you just…’
6. ‘You’re wrong’
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Happy couples will hear each other out, and if they feel the other person is wrong in an argument, they will kindly talk through it with them. Deeply unhappy couples react differently, easily telling the other person they are wrong to shut down the conversation.
These people will always find fault with their partner when they are unhappy.
“The truth is, it's pretty rare that there is only one 'right' in any particular situation. There are two subjective truths in every relationship — yours and your partner's, says psychotherapist Tonya Lester. “Consistently valuing your 'truth' over theirs will not get you the closeness and trust you want in your relationship.”
7. “You always…’
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Going hand-in-hand with placing constant blame on the other person, unhappy couples will generalize behaviors. Using extreme words like ‘always’ paints a picture of how much one’s actions bother the other person, even though they may not be as major as they say it is.
This language is especially harmful for unhappy couples because it comes across as a personal attack. When one partner feels the other is mischaracterizing them, it can cause intense arguments. Unhappy couples often use extreme language to convey the deep unhappiness they are feeling.
8. ‘You’re overreacting’
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Belittling how each other feels is a prime example of how unhappy couples treat one another. Actions can have a profound impact on how we feel, and by dismissing those feelings with a simple ‘you’re overreacting,’ unhappy couples can further damage their relationship.
It’s easier to say someone is overreacting than it is to take responsibility for the actions that are making them feel that way. Unhappy couples will simply tell one another that they are overreacting instead of working towards fixing the issues.
9. ‘You’re so needy’
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Deeply unhappy couples have limited patience for spending time with one another. Whether it’s going on dates, texting throughout the day, or asking to have a meaningful conversation, when a relationship is near the end, one partner may find the other too needy.
One partner seeking constant validation from the other can be a sign of insecure attachment. An unhappy relationship can be unstable, making one partner appear ‘needy’ to the other. When that person is at their breaking point with the relationship, anything that the partner needs might be too much for them, causing them to say that phrase.
10. ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’
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Being self-aware enough to apologize for actions that may have hurt another person is hard enough at times. When you factor in unhappiness, it can be downright impossible.
A quick way to dismiss a partner's feelings in an unhappy relationship is to ‘apologize’ by saying they are sorry you feel that way. It isn’t a genuine apology, as they are still placing blame on the other person under the guise of being sorry for their actions.
11. ‘You made me this mad!’
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Most people understand that they are responsible for their own reactions to things that upset them. When a couple is unhappy and they are looking for any way to place the blame on their partner, it’s easy to tell them they’re reaction is because that person got them to that point.
Poor or even violent behavior from an unhappy partner can be dismissed by stating the other person is responsible for their actions. Healthy relationships communicate clearly how they feel, while unhappy ones use gaslighting language to convince the other that they are the reason they are acting that way.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
