Women Who Know Their Husbands Are Unhappy Usually Still Make These 11 Excuses
Excuses often feel easier than making actual change.
Dodokat / Shutterstock When a marriage starts to fray, it’s not uncommon for a wife to recognize her husband’s unhappiness long before he admits it out loud. She may see the way he's withdrawn and feel the growing distance between them. Still, instead of confronting the issue head-on, many women who know their husbands are unhappy usually fall into the habit of making excuses, both to themselves and to others.
These excuses can come from love, fear, or even denial, but they often serve the same purpose: to avoid facing a reality that feels too painful to acknowledge. The tragedy is that these explanations may soften the truth in the short term, but they rarely solve the underlying problem. By convincing herself that his unhappiness is temporary, circumstantial, or somehow not about the marriage at all, she delays the difficult conversations that might actually bring clarity or change. Over time, the excuses pile up until they become a quiet barrier between them, protecting her from the truth, but also keeping them both from finding a way forward.
Women who know their husbands are unhappy usually still make these 11 excuses
1. ‘He has a lot on his plate’
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Many women make excuses for their marriages with an unhappy husband because they harbor a lot of hope that things will change. They say things like “he just has a lot on his plate” or “things will get better” to justify tolerating poor behavior and disconnection, even if they’ve been dealing with it for years.
While this hope for change can be comforting to wives in these kinds of relationships, it’s often less productive than it seems, urging women to waste time, energy, and emotions on a partner who’s not willing to do the same for them.
2. ‘We’re together for the kids’
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Even if it seems like the perfect excuse or justification for tolerating an unhealthy or unhappy relationship, staying together with a partner simply for the sake of the children can actually do more damage than good. Especially if you lack conflict-resolution skills, healthy communication, and true affection and intimacy in your marriage, sticking around only teaches kids to form relationships that mirror your own.
While a separation or divorce may be difficult for both partners and kids to endure, in the end, it gives them an opportunity to witness a healthy romantic relationship to model their future ones off, filled with true love, affection, intimacy, and connection, rather than contempt, resentment, and emotional distance.
3. ‘We’ve been through so much together’
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To justify tolerating misbehavior or to soothe themselves in the face of their husband's contempt, many women make excuses like “we’ve been through so much together” to stay in an unhealthy marriage.
However, longevity isn’t the key to maintaining a healthy relationship, as a study from the Family Relations journal argues, nor is it a reasonable excuse for sticking around when you’re unhappy, your needs are unmet, or you’re growing exhausted in the face of resentment.
4. ‘I’d rather be unhappy than alone’
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According to psychologist Dr. Ann Buscho, there are several reasons why women stay in bad relationships and unhappy marriages, including a fear of being alone. They think things like, “Who would want me now?” and “How could I survive without my partner,” while simultaneously grappling with exhausting issues like disconnection and resentment that worsen their quality of life every single day.
It can be overwhelming on a financial, personal, and emotional level to consider leaving a partner that you’ve spent a long time with, and even harder to let go of how things used to be in favor of what’s happening now, but in the end, it protects everyone’s well-being.
Women who know their husbands are unhappy usually still make excuses like this one to avoid being alone, even if they’re already feeling wildly lonely in their relationship.
5. ‘Things could be worse’
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To justify the unhappiness and disconnect their partner feels in the present moment, women tend to make excuses like “well, things could be worse” when talking to their friends or self-soothing alone at home.
They weaponize their own fears and insecurities about big things like infidelity, even if it invalidates the struggles with things like communication or intimacy that they’re already experiencing, to comfort themselves amid the chaos.
Of course, emotional fatigue in relationships can be normal, and it takes intentional work to maintain a healthy relationship, as psychologist Josh Gressel argues, but that doesn’t mean things like chronic unhappiness or struggling with intimacy are worth justifying for comfort.
6. ‘We never even fight’
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According to a University of Michigan study, arguments and conflicts are actually healthy for marital partners, not just for boosting emotional connection and closeness, but also for protecting an individual partner’s mental and physical health. Healthy conflicts and arguments are a sign of healthy communication patterns and conflict-resolution skills, both contribute to long-lasting health and security for both partners.
However, women who know their husbands are unhappy and disconnected usually still make excuses like “we never even fight” to justify the health of their relationships, even though it’s completely misguided. Whether it’s caused by avoidance, indifference, and disengagement, or a lack of communication skills, partners who never fight tend to struggle with closeness and growth.
7. ‘He’s just tired’
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When a relationship starts to feel more like an emotional obligation or duty, rather than a safe space, it’s not surprising that partners develop fatigue, exhaustion, and a sense of tiredness in response. They’re not only dealing with the stressors of everyday life, from work to family responsibilities and personal health, but they’re also coming home to a partner they don’t feel supported and loved by.
Women who know their husbands are unhappy often still make excuses, such as “he’s just tired,” to justify their own lack of support or action, but that doesn’t address the root problem of the disconnect or dissatisfaction at hand.
Of course, women making excuses to stay in relationships may not even be trying to justify misbehavior. They could be showing up as their best selves and doing everything in their power to make a relationship work out. However, if their partner is unhappy, unwilling to change, and uninterested in growing closer together, it’s impossible to make it work in a healthy way.
8. ‘This happens to everyone’
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While it’s true that many couples go through “roommate phases” and rough patches, especially in long-term marriages, constantly dealing with the same big issues, such as trust, communication, respect, and attraction, over and over again, may be a sign that partners are no longer a good fit. However, women who know their husbands are unhappy and aren’t comfortable leaning into the discomfort of a separation may continue to make excuses like “this happens to everyone" or “this is normal” to justify staying.
According to counselor Suzanne Degges-White, knowing a relationship is over looks different for everyone. Still, when a marriage becomes unworkable, it’s not a time for excuses, but action, even if that means walking away.
9. ‘Who has time for romance?’
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Even if it seems like movies and other couples keep romance alive with big moments and experiences, such as huge expressions of love, constant physical affection, or planned dates every week, the truth is that true intimacy lies in the little things.
Whether it’s subtle physical touch, affirmations, or simply checking in with each other at the end of the day, romance and intimacy are more subtle and much less time-consuming than struggling couples realize. So, alongside excuses like “Who has time for romance?” there are probably also signs of emotional disconnection, a lack of effort, or general resentment that keep couples from rekindling amid everyday life.
10. ‘It’s not supposed to be exciting all the time’
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Phrases like “it’s not supposed to be exciting all the time” actually have some truth to them when they’re not being used as excuses for relationship dissatisfaction, manipulation, or emotional disconnection. Marriages are work. They’re not always easy, exciting, or endlessly romantic. But that doesn’t mean that tolerating unhappiness is healthy or normal.
Conflict and arguments are bound to happen, rough patches are inevitable, and disconnection may even be typical, but that doesn’t mean that these things are natural all of the time, especially when one or both partners aren’t feeling uplifted, respected, or heard by the other.
11. ‘I’ve done so much for him’
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Women who know their husbands are unhappy usually still make excuses like “I’ve done so much for him” or “he has nothing to be unhappy about” to justify their own effort or involvement, even if it simultaneously dismisses and invalidates their partner’s feelings. Even if a woman puts all her energy into a relationship, shows up every day, and communicates openly, it’s possible for their partner to feel unloved, especially if they don’t understand each other’s needs.
Even if it’s subtle, excuses like this can further exacerbate emotional harm in marriages, as these wives dismiss the clear emotions and unhappiness their husbands are experiencing on a daily basis. Working toward a better relationship isn’t about proving how much time, effort, and energy you’ve put in as an individual, but instead coming together and working toward a shared issue on the same team.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
