You Can Tell Someone Is Lying About Being Happy If They Keep Saying These 11 Phrases
dekazigzag | Shutterstock It may seem hard to believe given the crazy world we live in, but some people are just genuinely happy. Then, on the other hand, there are people who want you to believe they’re happy despite the fact that they’re definitely not. These people will do everything they can to appear content, and adjust their language to portray themselves this way. However, you can tell someone is lying about being happy if they keep saying certain phrases.
It may not seem like a big deal to lie about being happy, but it can be a sign of some deeper mental health issues. Medical writer Tate Gunnerson and health journalist Kim Painter explained that these people may be experiencing “smiling depression.” Although it’s not an official diagnosis, it’s a term used to describe people who do everything they can to seem happy despite their underlying depression.
You can tell someone is lying about being happy if they keep saying these 11 phrases
1. ‘I’m fine’
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“I’m fine” might be one of the most commonly used phrases when someone is trying to mask how they’re really feeling. It’s no different when someone is lying about being happy. At any suggestion from someone else that their life might not be as perfect as they’ve made it out to be, these people will insist that they’re doing just fine.
Psychotherapist Sharon Martin explained that people say they’re fine when they really aren’t for a variety of reasons. They may be trying to prevent themselves from feeling uncomfortable emotions, skirting around the conflicts that arise with their true emotions, or just avoiding their problems, in general.
By avoiding any negativity or conflict, it’s a lot easier to keep up the facade that you’re happy, even when you’re not. It may even go so far that someone is able to convince themselves that they’re happy, even if they’re just lying about feeling that way. Chances are that if someone says they’re fine, there’s more to the story there.
2. ‘It’s not a big deal’
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You can tell someone is lying about being happy if they keep saying “it’s not a big deal,” trying to maintain a perfect image. They’ll minimize the negative thing, and instead put all of their focus on the positive. Of course, there’s a good chance that this isn’t what’s happening inside their mind, but it’s how they’ll act.
The American Psychological Association defined minimization as a “cognitive distortion consisting of a tendency to present events to oneself or others as insignificant or unimportant.” They added, “Minimization often involves being unclear or nonspecific, so the listener does not have a complete picture of all the details and may be led to draw inaccurate or incomplete conclusions.”
So, something may really, in fact, be a big deal, but a person who is trying to lie about being happy will make it seem like it’s not really significant. Something seriously bad or harmful could be happening in their life, but they would brush it off and say it doesn’t really matter. This minimization may fool others into thinking they aren’t struggling, but they can’t really fool themselves.
3. ‘I’m staying positive’
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If someone is lying about being happy, there’s a strong possibility that they’ll denounce all the negativity life has to offer and say that they are choosing to focus on the positive instead. That should be one way to stay happy, right?
Well, ignoring the problems in your life doesn’t make them any less real. This denial may make it harder for you to face what you need to.
Psychology educator Kendra Cherry explained that this constant focus on positivity can be toxic. “Too much positivity is toxic because it can harm people who are going through difficult times,” she said. “Rather than being able to share genuine human emotions and gain unconditional support, people who are faced with toxic positivity find their feelings dismissed, ignored, or outright invalidated.”
Having a positive, optimistic outlook on life is a good thing, but it doesn’t change the fact that some things we will all experience are really hard and hurtful. Someone can try to ignore those things and lie their way to happiness, but that joy will never be genuine if they don’t properly deal with the difficult things they’re going through. We have to accept both the highs and the lows.
4. ‘Don’t worry about me’
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If someone tells you not to worry about them, there’s probably a good reason that you should, in fact, be worried about them. No one goes out of their way to tell others not to worry when everything is OK — they just assume that truth is obvious. When someone is working hard to convince everyone in their life that they don’t need to worry, it’s a bad sign.
This red flag indicates that someone isn’t really as happy as they claim to be. They’re trying to cover up and cast attention away from their problems and the things that are really making them unhappy. This is really another form of minimization, as it means someone is trying to make the issues they’re facing seem like they’re no big deal.
Neuroscientist Eser Yilmaz said that minimizing is like seeing something through a distorted mirror in a hall of mirrors at a carnival: It throws the true size and magnitude off. This can occur when someone insists you don’t need to worry about them.
5. ‘Everything is great’
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A person who is lying about being happy may say something like “everything is great” to reassure others, or even themselves. They would never reveal that something is really off and getting in the way of their happiness. Eventually, it may become impossible to keep up the charade that all is well, but that won’t stop them from insisting everything is fine for as long as they possibly can.
According to BetterHelp, we all act happy when we aren’t at times, but a habit of doing so can be harmful. “It can be common to pretend to be happy at times, but those who put on a facade of happiness when they’re feeling sad, hopeless, or empty inside can harm their mental health by continually repressing their true emotions,” they explained.
Some people may find that it feels easier to just fake being happy instead of opening up about how they really feel, but this can just make them feel even worse. Everyone deals with uncomfortable emotions that need to be let out instead of bottled up. Unfortunately, the pressure to be happy may be too heavy and lead them to lie.
6. ‘I don’t need any help’
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If someone is pretending to be happy, they’ll probably turn down any offers of help they receive. In fact, you can tell someone is lying about being happy if they keep saying this phrase.
After all, aren’t happy people supposed to have it all together and not need any assistance? We are trained to believe that needing help is a sign of weakness, and that means that you couldn’t possibly be happy and not have a handle on everything.
Psychologist Dr. Julie Kolzet shared that refusing to ask for or accept help is actually more detrimental to your happiness than admitting that you need it in the first place is. She said that living this way can create chronic stress and burnout, which affects your mental and physical health, as well as your relationships with others.
It’s tempting to think that you can go it alone, but no one can really do that. Refusing help because you’re trying to appear as happy as possible may seem like a good option, but it will just make it harder and harder for you to be happy, which is what you were trying to do in the first place. That’s no way to live.
7. ‘It is what it is’
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People pretending to be happy would never let on how much the difficult parts of life actually affect them. Instead, they’ll just brush off whatever challenges they may be facing with a simple “it is what it is.”
This allows them to acknowledge that everything isn’t perfect without really putting too much focus on the bad things. In other words, they can still claim to be happy.
As life coach Andrea Lambert pointed out, “It’s important to realize that it is impossible to ever truly ignore a problem.” Part of you will always be focused on it. “This is important, because a problem that you are ignoring can still cause you to feel stress, anxiety, and, in some cases, depression, even though you’re not thinking about it,” she added.
So, when someone tries to ignore an issue and sweep it under the rug instead of face it head-on, they’re actually causing more damage. The fake happiness that person is holding onto so tightly will become even more precarious because their mental health will suffer. Someone who says “it is what it is,” is just trying to ignore the obvious.
8. ‘I have so many reasons to be grateful’
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Arguing that there are so many reasons for them to feel grateful can seem like a good thing. According to a study published in Einstein, “Acts of gratitude can be used as a therapeutic complement for treating anxiety and depression and can increase positive feelings and emotions in the general population.”
Gratitude has many benefits, but it doesn’t make problems go away. Psychotherapist Amanda Ann Gregory explained that focusing too much on gratitude can actually make your problems feel bigger. “When you compare yourself to the circumstances of others, you risk minimizing and/or invalidating your emotional experiences,” she said.
Someone may say that they have so much to be grateful for as a way to disguise the fact that they aren’t happy. Most people would assume that if someone has a lot to be grateful for, they must be happy. This is really a thinly veiled attempt at making themselves seem happy when they’re feeling the exact opposite.
9. ‘I’m just a little tired’
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It’s not always easy to hide the fact that you’re not feeling happy when you desperately want people to think that you are. If someone were to see cracks in that person’s facade, they might make a statement like “I’m just a little tired.”
This can explain away some of the reasons they look like they’re struggling. It also implies that if there are problems, they aren’t big.
Psychotherapist Amy Morin said that there are various reasons someone might try to hide the fact they are struggling or even depressed. They may feel guilty and think they are burdening their loved ones. They may also feel shame or denial, or even feel the need to hide how they’re really doing because of perfectionistic tendencies.
People who are lying about being happy would never just admit to having a hard time outright. Instead, they may say something subtle, like they’re tired, to explain why they don’t seem to be operating at 100%. This white lie covers up whatever they’re really feeling and lets them continue acting as happy as ever.
10. ‘Other people have it worse’
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Deflecting to how other people have it worse is a classic way to tell someone is lying about being happy. And, if you want to get really technical, there’s always someone out there who has it worse than you do, so it’s a fair argument to make. However, the fact that other people are going through a lot doesn’t negate what someone who’s lying about being happy is experiencing.
Therapist Hannah Rose stated, “We, as humans, have a tendency to try to sugarcoat our experiences by bringing to mind someone who has it ‘worse’ than we do. We misuse the concept of gaining perspective by shaming our own emotional reaction to life, causing an underlying narrative of ‘your feelings don’t matter.’”
We live in a scary world where a lot of bad things happen. There is always someone who has it worse, but that doesn’t mean that the hardships someone is going through are invalid or insignificant. If someone is lying about being happy, they may try to make light of what they’re experiencing by saying others have it worse, but that doesn’t mean they have to be happy all the time.
11. ‘It’s the same as always’
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If you were to ask someone who is lying about being happy how they’re doing, there’s a good chance they would say something like “same as always.” This really allows them to deflect and avoid answering the question, and also means they never actually admit to feeling... well, any certain way. It’s a neutral response that protects them from exposing too much.
Experts at BetterHelp further explained, “Someone living with smiling depression may not open up to their loved ones about their symptoms due to either not being aware of the symptoms themselves, or because of the potential shame and stigma that can surround mental illness. It may be a matter of not wanting to ‘ruin’ the facade of seeming to be perfectly fine, so as not to worry or burden others.”
Someone who says they’re feeling the same as they always do with a smile is likely hiding their real emotions. They don’t want to admit that they’re unhappy, so they make it appear as if they are without ever really saying so. They don’t want anyone to see the truth and be worried about them, so they just cover it up instead.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
