If A Man Lacks True Integrity, He'll Do These 11 Things On A Regular Basis
PeopleImages / Shutterstock Integrity is something we all look for in a partner. There is nothing more attractive than a trustworthy man who stands firm in his values and meets each relationship with honesty. It should be common sense that most, if not all, men look at the world this way. If you’re in the dating scene, however, you’ll know that finding a man with true integrity can feel like finding a needle in a haystack.
Some men struggle with true integrity. They may be able to pretend they possess the trait, but when it’s all said and done, their true nature will reveal itself. This type of man will often disappoint their partners. They never enter a relationship with a pure mentality. They may think they do, but unfortunately, their behavior will show you otherwise. You’ll notice they lie with ease, and you must question everything they do. You’ll start to feel so anxious that leaving the relationship is the only option you have.
If a man lacks true integrity, he'll do these 11 things on a regular basis
1. He lies
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One red flag that a man lacks true integrity is his ability to tell a lie with ease. For most of us, telling a lie is not something we are comfortable doing. It’s a sign that we have integrity. Men who can lie without thinking about it lack basic respect. They are not good partners to have.
Lying regularly can cause a man's partner to have anxiety. Not feeling secure in a relationship can take a toll over time. A woman who spends too much time with someone who lacks integrity will struggle to be vulnerable with another man in the future. She will never trust fully again because she has grown so used to someone who never tells her the truth.
2. He never holds up his side of the deal
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Picture this. You’re dating a guy who promises to treat you to the perfect date. You get ready and are excited to see what he has planned. Then, he cancels on you, or worse, he ghosts you altogether. This is a clear sign that he lacks true integrity. A man who cares about his partner always holds up his side of the deal.
“Many emotionally unavailable people will have a tendency to allude to the future and make promises that they can’t keep. This allows them to get their present-day needs met (because they’ve secured your belief in a future together). It also gives them time to turn your eventual (and very natural) reaction to that future never actualizing, on you,” says life coach and author Natasha Adamo.
3. He blames everyone but himself
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A man without true integrity has no problem placing the blame on everyone around him. If something goes wrong at work, he will easily blame his co-workers, even if he was the one who made the mistake. It’s frustrating for everyone around him. He will have no fear bringing this bad behavior into his relationship with you.
When a man is constantly placing the blame on anyone but himself, he is playing mind games. He wants you to feel bad, even if he is the one who did something wrong. He will always have an excuse for why he did something that upset you. If he missed your call, someone else was talking to him, and it was their fault. If he forgets he has a date with you, he’ll blame his busy schedule. In reality, he just doesn’t care enough to put in the effort it takes to have a healthy and happy relationship.
4. His personality changes depending on who he is with
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Have you ever been with someone who acts one way around you and a totally different way when with his friends? This is an exhausting trait that men without true integrity have. He’ll mask certain parts of his personality around you, but let them all come out in front of others. Or, he’ll treat you poorly behind closed doors, but when in public with others, he’ll become a doting partner. It’s manipulation.
“Behaving differently around different people isn't intrinsically phony, but one thing that can unintentionally make you seem that way is if you're not a great actor,” writes Chris MacLeod, MSW, for Succeed Socially. “Like it's common to have a long conversation with someone, not be fascinated by every last topic they bring up, but still politely listen and try to look engaged. If you can do that with a subtle touch, you're fine. If your 'pretend interested' body language is forced and exaggerated, everyone may see you as fake.”'
5. He uses people without guilt
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A guy without integrity is willing to do whatever it takes to get to the top. This means that he is comfortable using people. He wants to achieve his goals, and it doesn’t matter who he takes down in the process. A man like this doesn’t have anyone’s best interest in mind aside from his own.
This behavior can happen anywhere. He will use anyone he can to climb the ladder at work. He will keep friends who can benefit him. He will especially use this tactic in a romantic relationship. Whether he wants companionship or something else from you, he is unafraid of using you. He has no guilt in taking money from you or using your social connections. He will drain all of your resources without a second thought.
6. He thinks rules don’t apply to him
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Have you ever been with someone who did whatever they wanted without regard for others? They will know certain things are not okay to do, but he does them anyway. He thinks he can get away with anything. The rules don’t apply to them. They believe they are special. They lack the integrity to follow the social norms around them.
“A new study has found that some people, who see themselves as special or entitled in some way that others are not, are more likely to disregard ordinary instructions or the usual ‘order’ of things, which most others will accept and follow,” writes Douglas LaBier, Ph.D. “Researchers who explored this topic found that the underlying reason is a narcissistic outlook about how the world should work for them.”
7. He always takes the easy way out
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When a man lacks integrity, he does anything he can to avoid putting true effort into the people and things around him. He doesn’t believe that he has to put in hard work. He expects everyone around him to cater to his wants and needs. He doesn’t have the moral principle that allows him to understand that to receive good, you must put in the same effort.
People with integrity are sincere and genuine. They put in the work they can to get the results they want. When a man lacks true integrity, he will look for the easy way out of any situation. Whether it’s a project at work or maintaining a romantic relationship, he will take the easiest option.
8. He is always gossiping about others
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A man with integrity never talks behind the backs of others. He has a moral compass that prevents him from acting this way. He only wants the best for everyone and is willing to do whatever it takes to maintain a relationship with them. Men without this trait, however, love to gossip about others. They don’t care how bad it makes them look or how their words impact the people around them. They only care about themselves.
“A study conducted by the Western Canadian Undergraduate University showed that men loved to gossip to get closer to their friends. Talking, or rather gossiping, about common interest topics such as sports and politics brings men closer and leads to a longer relationship between friends,” says Maria Antony for Planet Spark. “For guys, gossiping is also a means of showing superiority, gaining attention, and thus establishing a monopoly in a gathering. Men also gossip to feel part of the gang and have a sense of being involved and accepted.”
9. He doesn’t have clear values
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Men with integrity know exactly who they are. They have clear values that show where they stand. They stick true to their beliefs and morals. On the other hand, when a guy lacks true integrity, he doesn’t know who he is. He acts like a chameleon to get whatever he wants from the people around him. Constantly changing to fit his needs at the time.
When dating a man without true integrity, lacking clear values can make it feel impossible. They don’t care about creating a foundation of trust. They think that values mean very little. They’re always doing their best to get what they want. They lack the values that make them a genuine and kind person.
10. He always plays the victim
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We all know someone who can’t see their own flaws. They think the world is out to get them. Anything that goes even slightly wrong in their life gives them a victim complex. These men want everyone around them to constantly feel sorry for them. They think they will get what they want more easily that way.
“Adopting a victim stance equates to a person fundamentally adhering to the belief that his or her life is more difficult than anyone else’s. The person is consumed with herself or himself and the conversation is one-sided,” says Erin Leonard, Ph.D. “He or she rejects the listener’s empathy because the real goal isn’t to feel better, it’s to control another. Alternatively, a person who authentically opens up is often concerned about burdening the listener. He or she also actively interacts, desires feedback, and accepts empathy.”
11. He lacks empathy
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While men who lack true integrity expect the world to show them empathy, they are unwilling to do the same for others. They can’t possibly put themselves in someone else’s shoes. They don’t care to connect deeply with another person, so they have difficulty understanding their feelings. They are also always in a victim mindset, so they think the person confiding in them couldn’t possibly have a worse life than they do.
This is all frustrating for anyone in a relationship with a man who lacks true integrity. They never extend the support and love they expect from everyone around them. These men can be incapable of giving empathy altogether. It’s frustrating to constantly be trying to emotionally support a person who fails to return the favor.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
