People Who Lack True Integrity Often Share These 11 Subtle Traits
Kiselev Andrey Valerevich | Shutterstock When it comes to relationships, whether they're romantic, friendly, familial or even in the workplace, people value integrity. Unfortunately, there are few examples of true integrity left in this complicated world. People who lack true integrity often share these subtle traits, ones that can be easily missed unless you're paying attention.
Understanding who lacks integrity must start by understanding what it looks like to possess it. Technically, integrity means having "the quality of moral consistency, honesty, and truthfulness with oneself and others." It also means someone has a strong moral compass and acts according to their own values. So, while you watch out for the subtle traits that indicate dishonesty or a lack of values, also keep an eye out for the people who do meet these standards.
People who lack true integrity often share these 11 subtle traits
1. They don't admit when they're wrong
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People with integrity are willing to hold themselves accountable when they've made a mistake, whereas people who lack integrity don't admit when they're wrong. In a sociological study looking at wrongness admission, researchers defined the concept as "A public disclosure that one has been wrong about a belief or attitude and has subsequently changed that attitude or belief." They noted that many people avoid admitting wrongfulness because they think others will view them as incompetent, yet it turns out that the opposite is true.
Researchers determined that wrongness admission led to more positive competency ratings, showing that people who admit when they're wrong are seen as friendlier and more agreeable by the people around them. Someone who lacks integrity is less likely to admit when they're wrong, even though there are positive benefits to doing so.
Researchers from Ohio State University discovered that when business leaders reflect on what they've learned from their mistakes, they show more humility, which makes them more effective as managers.
"Understanding your own blind spots and vulnerabilities can help make you a better manager and leader," said Jasmine Hu, the lead author of the study. "When leaders take what they learn from mistakes to improve and reach goals, that is what seems to be most valuable. That builds humility, and teams respond to that. It makes team members look for ways they can improve."
Since a person without integrity won't admit their mistakes, they're less able to grow and change as an individual, which affects the community they're in.
2. They test boundaries
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Healthy boundaries are essential to emotional well-being, and key to maintaining healthy relationships of many forms. People who lack true integrity often test boundaries to see how far they can push things.
When a person continually crosses someone's boundaries, it's an indication that they lack integrity. After all, boundaries go beyond just physical and emotional guidelines. People can set material boundaries, which are limits around their possessions. They can set intellectual boundaries, which have to do with how thoughts and opinions are shared and discussed.
Someone who doesn't respect boundaries will show that disrespect by seeing how far they can push the person and ignoring the related consequences. A person who doesn't have integrity will often have fluid boundaries for themselves, and struggle to understand and uphold other people's limitations, too.
3. They're unreliable
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Another indication that a person doesn't have true integrity is that they aren't dependable. This can present itself in different ways. Some people show their lack of integrity by breaking promises and not showing you support when you've asked for it. Others are unreliable when it comes to basic aspects of care, like being honest and trustworthy.
Those who lack integrity often have a pliant relationship to telling the truth, which means they're willing to lie when it helps them get ahead. Relationship expert Lisa Lieberman-Wang explained that honest communication is a key part of feeling secure with another person. The more openly a couple is with communication, the stronger their bond will grow.
It's almost impossible to forge a lasting connection with someone who doesn't have integrity, because you can't rely on them to be open or honest with you.
4. They spread rumors
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A person without integrity is more likely to spread rumors about other people, because this form of negative gossip makes them feel superior. The ways we communicate with one another can either help or harm us, and rumors are certainly harmful, as they're not based in truth.
Spreading rumors goes further than talking about someone when they aren't around. It doesn't even mean speaking unkindly about someone. Technically, the Journal Language and Communication defined rumors as "an individual's verbalized interpretation of a problematic situation that the general public considers to be emotionally-charged." The study noted that rumors are an unreliable and "wildly distorted form of communication that spreads rapidly and mysteriously."
Quite often, rumors are spread by people who don't have a strong sense of ethics, because they're willing to disseminate lies to anyone who will believe them. So watch out for people who lack integrity, they'll be the ones spreading rumors shamelessly.
5. They're not generous
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There are different types of generosity, and they don't all involve giving money away. Some people have little money to spare but they're giving of their time and energy to causes that matter to them.
Volunteering to help others, whether on a small or large scale, is an indication that someone has integrity. In contrast, a person who refuses to go out of their way for anyone else demonstrates a clear lack of integrity.
A person who isn't generous tends to see the world in a negative light, and this is one of hte hallmarks of people who lack true integrity. They don't trust other people, in part because they're operating from within their own limited worldview. Because they don't have integrity, they assume that no one else has it, either, which is why they're so unwilling to help anyone but themselves.
6. They're self-centered
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A trait that shows a person truly lacks integrity is self-centeredness, reflecting exactly how selfish they are. A self-centered person takes from others without giving anything back.
In a friendship, a person without integrity is usually the one who uses their friends for emotional support but is never available for them in return. In a romantic relationship, someone who's self-centered always puts their own needs before what their partner needs, which creates an inherent sense of imbalance.
According to a report published in the Journal of Health Psychology, imbalance has a negative effect on the well-being of both parties. "[F]indings of spousal relationships support equity theory, in which under-benefiting and over-benefiting are equally distressful," the authors explain.
Without integrity, people are less likely to think outside of their own needs and rigid perspectives, and that is rarely a source of a good relationship, friendship or working relationship.
7. They're impolite
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You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat other people. When you're out at a restaurant, pay attention to the way the people you're with talk to the server. Are they demanding and impatient, or are they kind and understanding? People who lack true integrity tend to be impolite almost as a default.
Being polite is about more than just saying "please" and "thank you," though those phrases are very important in relaying kindness and appreciation. At the core of the issue, having good manners means that you respect other people because of their common humanity and you don't judge them based on superficial reasons.
A person without integrity overlooks other people. Their weak moral compass means that they don't give a lot of thought to how they treat others, so good manners tend to fall by the wayside.
8. They need external validation
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A person with integrity also has a solid sense of self-worth, and they don't rely on anyone else to feel good about themselves. Their most important source of validation is from within. In contrast, people who lack integrity often seek the approval of other people, and they base their self-esteem around external validation.
At first, this need for external validation might make them seem kind and soft. It may feel good to validate them. However, a relationship where one person needs a lot of validation and doesn't share this gift with the other person is rarely healthy.
Having strong core values does more than give people a guide for how to treat others; they also create a blueprint for how you think about yourself. True self-love can only come from within, but a lack of integrity makes people try to impress others, while disregarding how they feel about themselves.
9. They're apathetic
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Some people think it's cool or looks like they're confident when they're apathetic. Nothing bothers them, they aren't easily affected by the news or other people's struggles, and their opinions aren't easily swayed. The problem is that apathy is a trait shared by people who lack true integrity because it hints at a lack of empathy.
A person lacking integrity will also lack empathy and compassion. Instead of caring about others, they're indifferent to other people's experiences. It's not that they're cruel or purposefully mean, they just don't really care.
When a person doesn't have a strong moral code, it means they don't develop integrity, or the kindness and understanding that comes along with it.
10. They seem to be sizing you up
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Have you ever met someone who looks you up and down in a way that makes you feel less-than? It can be a subtle trait, but it's a sign someone lacks true integrity. Often, you can feel in your gut that they don't see you as a full, complete human. Instead, it feels like they see you as a set of parts designed to be picked apart and judged.
Maybe they judge your clothing or your body type. Maybe they are trying to assess how confident you are, how savvy or self-aware you might be. Often, they do this for nefarious reasons. Sometimes it's to figure out if you'd make a good target for manipulation, other times it might be to see if you're a "threat" to their own goals of popularity with friends or progress at work.
Regardless, if you meet someone who seems to be sizing you up, watch out. If your intuition says this person isn't meant to be trusted, follow your gut. They probably lack true integrity and won't be able to be a real friend.
11. They act like chameleons
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People who lack true integrity often act like chameleons, and they often don't even realize it. Because they don't have a true moral compass, they don't know how to orient in times of stress or when they feel insecure.
When someone who lacks integrity feels insecure, instead of being humble and looking within for reassurance, they may change aspects of themselves to appease the person they see as most powerful or popular in the room. This chameleon-like behavior doesn't just affect the person lacking integrity, it also affects those around them. After all, you probably felt like you knew them and suddenly they seem different. They may even turn on you.
So keep an eye out for chameleon-like behavior. If someone changes their values, opinions, humor or other key traits when someone they think is more important is around, that's not someone you can trust.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers social issues, pop culture analysis and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
