People Who Grew Up As Latchkey Kids Usually Have These 11 Very Specific Adult Behaviors
They had to get comfortable with boredom and independence quickly.
DimaBerlin | Shutterstock If you were a "latchkey kid," chances are, you know how to take care of yourself. You're not worried about finding someone to take care of you or leaning on dependent relationships, because you've had your practice with tackling boredom and meeting your own needs. According to a study from Perspectives in Public Health, the experience of latchkey kids is often nuanced, with both positive and negative outcomes, but for most, it has greatly affected the way they live their adult lives.
From hyper-independence to a disconnect from their parents, people who grew up as latchkey kids usually have these very specific adult behaviors. They may not care much about embracing solitude or problem-solving by themselves as an adult, but they likely also deal with a slew of other anxieties and struggles that other people don't necessarily see.
People who grew up as latchkey kids usually have these 11 very specific adult behaviors
1. They're incredibly hypervigilant about safety
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Whether that means triple-checking that they turned their hair tools off before leaving the house or getting up in the middle of the night to lock the door, people who grew up as latchkey kids usually have these very specific adult behaviors. They're hypervigilant about safety, even to the point where it's characterized by anxiety over-protection and autonomy.
For many latchkey kids on their own, safety was ingrained into their minds from a very early age. Of course, depending on their living situation and neighborhood, chances are being alone as a kid also led to a number of uncomfortable or scary situations that cultivated their now adult vigilance.
2. They eat random meals
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According to a study from Current Developments in Nutrition, children's involvement in cooking with their parents often determines their food preparation skills and healthy food intake as adults. So, if they were on their own to figure out after-school snacks and dinner without a parent around, chances are they're sort of a "scavenger" today.
Latchkey kids may make it work with food at home as kids, but as adults their food habits are much more tumultuous. Maybe they don't know how to cook for themselves. Maybe they've just gotten so used to convenience and comfort food that they're unwilling to cook healthy foods and meals.
3. They love and seek out silence
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According to life coach Shazie Senen, embracing solitude often takes practice, which is why people who grew up as latchkey kids usually have very specific adult behaviors that revolve around their alone time.
Depending on the habits they leverage for their alone time, these moments of solitude and peace can be incredibly beneficial and empowering. But if they're simply using it to avoid awkward social interactions or self-isolating to cope with emotional turmoil, their reliance on solitude can quickly become a problem.
4. They struggle with random social interactions
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Like a study from Frontiers in Psychiatry suggests, the "choice" of solitude and alone time as an adult can often feel much more empowering than the boredom they were thrown into as kids by their parents. This excitement and free time — all of which they can truly choose to fill however they want without the anticipation of someone else coming home — often become their preference.
While these introverted behaviors aren't always indicative of social anxiety or struggles connecting with people, for latchkey kids who often didn't have a lot of time practicing socialization as a kid at home, casual adult interactions may be much more uncomfortable.
5. They're uncomfortable with intimacy
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Many people with nuanced experiences of childhood trauma struggle with intimacy and closeness as adults. From unmet needs from their parents to forced solitude, social isolation, and emotional disconnection from their parents and loved ones, opening up to people as adults is significantly harder for latchkey kids who have experienced these kinds of challenges.
Especially if they're emotionally dysregulated as a result, self-soothing with solitude as adults may become their crutch. They don't have spaces to be vulnerable or intimate with others, because they're still spending so much of their time alone.
6. They consistently overwork themselves
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Just as we do with self-care and even regulating our own emotions, children often learn how to structure their work mentalities and take care of themselves with work-life balance as kids. If their parents were never home, but emphasized the importance of their work and work ethic when they were home, chances are these latchkey kids follow a similar schedule today.
Especially if they had a lot of unmet emotional needs as kids, chances are work is a distraction for these adults — a means to boost their own sense of purpose, self-esteem, and "cope" with inner turmoil.
7. They resent people with close family relationships
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People who are resentful of their friends and co-workers with strong relationships to their families probably grew up alone as latchkey kids. They were void of the warmth and connection that you'd typically expect in a family dynamic, and instead were left to their own devices — essentially parenting themselves for the majority of the day.
Especially when unresolved childhood trauma and unmet needs from when they were a kid are often responsible for disconnects in the parent-child relationship as adults, according to a study from Psychology and Aging, it's not surprising that these latchkey kids are resentful.
They're not close with their parents as adults, but chances are they're still holding onto the hope of their childhood selves in yearning for their kindness and waiting for them to come home.
8. They struggle to ask for help
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Adults who were forced to handle everything for themselves as kids may now leverage their hyper-independence as a coping mechanism. They were never offered emotional support or help as a kid from their parents, because they were always alone, so as adults, they feel an intrinsic need to maintain control by themselves, at all costs.
They may struggle to ask for help, isolate themselves when they're struggling, and even fall into a hole of anxiety when a simple piece of advice from a friend or co-worker is all they need. They're still living in a hyper-independent state, where emotional connection and practice with building vulnerable relationships come from letting people in.
9. They're comfortable with boredom
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Kids who are forced to get comfortable with boredom in their adolescence are likely suited to embrace it as adults. As kids, it wasn't a choice — they were on their own without supervision and had to form a routine, habits, and hobbies for themselves to fill the time.
A study from Psychology, Health & Medicine argues that unacknowledged, consistent boredom can sometimes cause mental health concerns and loneliness for adults, but for ex-latchkey kids who learned how to embrace it, it's a superpower.
10. They hide their tiredness and exhaustion
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Even if they have families and jobs of their own now, people who grew up as latchkey kids often find it hard to ask for help and create true emotional connections with the people around them, including being honest. They aren't sure how to lean into vulnerability, largely because they weren't taught how to by their parents.
They hide the exhaustion they face from overworking themselves and the tiredness from coping with unresolved childhood trauma, facing it all — once again — on their own.
11. They don't trust easily
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Like a study from Borderline Personality Disorder and Emotional Dysregulation explains, many kids who grew up lonely and lacked emotional connection as kids struggle with opening up and seeking out emotional support today. They don't associate closeness or vulnerability with these relationships, and often find it difficult to engage in them at all, so they withhold trust and affection from partners as a defense mechanism.
As kids, they were anticipating the time when their parents got home and looking forward to seeing them after work, but chances are, they had to walk around on eggshells. Their parents were exhausted by the time they got home and likely didn't lean into warmth to teach emotional support, so now, as adults, they're constantly on edge in their relationships or growing avoidant to cope.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
