If You Feel Guilty Every Time You Rest, Your Parents Probably Said These 11 Things Way Too Often
Rest is essential, not a 'waste of time.'
Inside Creative House | Shutterstock Considering so many people are validated and celebrated for the work, productivity, and success that comes from being a “workaholic” at the expense of personal well-being, rest has inevitably become a shame-filled experience. Especially for those who seek validation at work or in school as motivation to keep going, rest can feel like an afterthought. But like Harvard psychiatrist Dr. Marlynn Wei urges, rest is essential — not a “waste” of time or something to prioritize only in the face of burnout.
Sometimes, this shame and guilt around resting comes from our parents, who set impossible high standards for us or even worked themselves to the brink of burnout, saying things like “success doesn’t come easy” or “sleep is for the weak.” If you feel guilty every time you rest, your parents probably said these things way too often, urging you to solidify a kind of toxic truth internally that rest is for “the weak” or “the lazy.”
If you feel guilty every time you rest, your parents probably said these 11 things way too often
1. ‘Why are you just sitting there?’
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According to a study from Simon Fraser University of Canada, our bodies are wired to be “lazy,” or rather, to seek out idleness when we need it. That’s why introverted people often need alone time to recharge, and our bodies force us into “brain fog” when they need a moment of rest, on extreme levels.
However, if your parents often said things like “Why are you just sitting there?” or “There’s so much you could be doing” all the time, chances are you’ve been pressured into sabotaging that trust and communication with yourself.
Instead of feeling peace and leaning into slowness when your body and mind remind you it needs rest, you’ve been wired to immediately feel guilty or to distract yourself with more work.
2. ‘Don’t be lazy’
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Resting your body and leaning into slowness when you need a break isn’t being “lazy,” despite what your parents might’ve taught you. In fact, a person who actively takes breaks during the work day or prioritizes their rest on a consistent basis is always more productive than their overworked, internally exhausted counterparts.
If you feel guilty every time you rest, your parents probably said these things way too often. But taking breaks is the key to being truly productive and healthy enough to thrive.
3. ‘Rest is for the weak’
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Parents who gained a lot of validation from being “hard workers” or overworking themselves for the sake of loyalty to their employers, at the expense of their well-being, tend to normalize this behavior in their kids. Even if it’s simply modeling the exhaustion and burnout that comes from falling into this routine, they teach their kids to put others and work before their own personal well-being.
Of course, sometimes you have to work on the weekends, stay late, and compromise, but on a consistent basis, rest isn’t “for the weak,” it’s an essential part of showing up as your best self, both at work and at home. And if you’re only ever resting on the weekends, trying to “catch up” on sleep before going back to work, you’re sabotaging yourself still.
Like experts from Harvard Health argue, consistency with rest will always be more important than trying to bank sleep on the weekends — when it’s “socially acceptable” for hard-workers.
4. ‘If you have time to lean, you have time to clean’
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A constant state of productivity doesn’t just keep your mind stuck in fight or flight mode — it also sabotages any kind of respite and rest that comes with a quick break amid the chaos of the day. Even if you’re “just” cleaning at home or doing household labor on the weekends, everyone needs rest, especially if they’ve had a long, stressful week.
When parents tell their kids phrases like “if you have time to lean, you have time to clean,” all they’re doing is demonizing the kind of idleness that their kids’ bodies are inherently wired to protect and prioritize.
5. ‘Hard work builds character’
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Hard work isn’t everything. Even if you’ve been fed the “American Dream” by parents or the misguided ideal that “hard work equates to success,” it’s not the key to thriving, especially if it comes at the expense of personal well-being, health, and rest.
Yes, working hard and having a strong work ethic are important. But people who have truly crafted a healthy balance, while still maintaining a healthy career or work-life, also make time for their own rest and solitude. Without it, they’re actively compromising their character and identity by putting the needs and desires of others before their own sanity.
6. ‘You can rest when everything is done’
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The mentality that rest needs to be “earned’ is wholly toxic. Not only is it the foundation behind overworked people who stretch themselves consistently too thin, with heavy workloads and responsibilities that never seem to ease up, but it also guilts people into resting when their bodies or minds simply can’t go any further.
Intentional breaks during the workday, carving out time for rest at night, and being intentional about protecting personal time as a hardworking employee are all important — and the more you make space for them, the happier and more productive you’ll be.
7. ‘You’re wasting time’
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According to associate professor at UT Southwestern Medical Center, Dr. Tiffany Moon, rest is essential to thrive and survive in everyday life. No matter how much hustle culture urges us to overlook it in favor of overworking ourselves, it doesn’t take away from how powerful true rest is.
Not only does it sustain our productivity, it protects our mental health, bolsters our relationships, boosts creativity, and even makes our problem-solving skills better in the passing moments of everyday life. It’s not about being “lazy” or even “wasting time” — it’s a necessity, a human right, and a requirement for healthy living.
8. ‘Life’s not supposed to be easy’
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Life may not be easy all the time, but feeling obligations and burnout at every corner is also not natural, healthy, or normal — no matter how normalized it might feel in your family, workplace, or community.
If you feel guilty every time you rest, your parents probably said things like this way too often. You’ve been pressured into a “survival mindset” that overlooks slowness, rest, and self-care, even though these are truly the moments where we get to introduce joy and rest back in.
9. ‘You’re wasting your potential’
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Your true potential lives inside your most rested self, even if your parents taught you otherwise. You can be a hard worker with boundless success, while still taking care of yourself and prioritizing rest.
Without it, stress levels rise, anxiety shoots through the roof, and all the healthy relationships and routines that add stability to your life suffer under the weight of exhaustion, like a study from Brain, Behavior, & Immunity - Health argues.
10. ‘I never got to rest when I was your age’
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Comparisons between parents and even generational differences in values around things like mental health and wellness often cause a lot of tension in parent-child relationships, according to a study from Psychology and Aging.
If you’re grappling with guilt every time you rest, chances are this tension still lingers, and you’re operating from a place of parental truths that no longer add value or support you in living your best life. Just because your parents struggled and feel validated in their growth, doesn't mean you also have to.
11. ‘The world doesn’t owe you comfort’
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The world, society, or the people around you may not feel an obligation to create space for your comfort, but that’s why self-care and personal boundaries are so important. You have the choice to carve out space for rest, to protect yourself, and to decide what kind of behavior you’re willing to tolerate — whether it’s at work or at home with your loved ones.
When you start to take accountability for your own emotional exhaustion and burnout, and stop blaming others or expecting them to carve out space for you to rest, everything gets easier to navigate.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
