If A Man Secretly Resents His Wife's Success, He'll Start Saying These 11 Things Casually
His own insecurities are damaging his relationship.
Lopolo | Shutterstock In recent years, women have started to overtake men as the primary breadwinner in the family. This is great and all, but it seems to have started an issue in married men, especially. Men have been increasingly likely to show resentment for their partner's successes, even when it benefits them. While he may not show it in his actions, if a man secretly resents his wife's success, he'll start saying certain things casually.
It's neither fair nor totally reasonable, but a man's resentment for his wife's success really can be a major problem. Call it machismo or misogyny, the end result is still the same: a hurt wife. Some men can hide their resentment, while others can't. By the tone and word choice, his bitterness can become increasingly obvious.
If a man secretly resents his wife's success, he'll start saying these 11 things casually
1. 'I'm happy for you, but have you tried to lose weight?'
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A man who is resentful of his wife's success is a man who will often find other ways to "take her down a notch." This isn't to "help improve her," contrary to what he may say. It's actually to make her feel insecure, hopefully to harm her career by knocking her down a peg.
If a wife notices him criticizing things, needling her for every little thing, and just making thinly-veiled remarks, he's insecure and resentful. That's a sign that the relationship probably can't be fixed. He's turning to verbal attacks to make himself feel better, which is never okay.
2. 'I'm a total alpha male'
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Men who tend to get into the "manosphere" world are often the same ones who are extremely resentful when they see a woman take charge. Part of the reason for this is because manosphere guides cater to men who are already insecure about their lot in life. It soothes their insecurities. The other part of this is because that same manosphere stuff tends to be the exact type of rhetoric that makes men feel even more insecure.
"For generations, society positioned men as the natural leaders, providers, and decision-makers, while women were expected to be supportive and dependent. Boys grew up absorbing the idea that status, success, and even female attention were things they were entitled to simply by following traditional masculine roles and existing," Lynn Nichols, a personal growth and empowerment advocate, explained.
She continued, "But as women gained financial, social... independence, many men struggled to adapt, feeling as though something (women and all the roles they play) was unjustly taken from them. When reality no longer aligned with their expectations, resentment took root, and the manosphere offered them an easy scapegoat — women."
3. 'Yeah, that's great *sigh*'
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Whether it's using sarcasm or letting out a huge sigh after she tells him good news, if a man secretly resents his wife's success, he'll start saying these things casually. We all have met that one person who is truly trying to be happy for others' successes, despite feeling resentful they're not getting the same type of turnout. They don't mean ill, per se, but the resentment and sadness are often palpable.
But if he's unusually unenthusiastic when he hears about your latest awesome stride at the office, don't take it out on him. It may be time to consider couples' therapy or at least having a heart-to-heart about what's bothering him.
4. 'Do you really have to wear that?'
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Men who are resentful of their wives' successes are men who are often insecure about what they bring to the table. They often feel like their wives might leave for a better man, even if that's not the case. As a result, they will try to police their wives' clothing so as not to draw attention to them. It's a way of trying to show that they still "rule the roost," so to speak.
As one writer named Simon pointed out, "Some men may feel threatened or insecure when their female partners or friends receive attention from others. They may attempt to control what women wear to minimize this perceived threat… Some men who hold positions of power tell women what to wear to exert control and reinforce their perceived authority over them."
5. 'If I didn't have to watch the kid for your interviews, I would have been able to get a raise'
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One of the things that tends to stoke the flames of resentment is the question of "What if?" The feeling of not knowing what could have been can be hurtful, especially if you were heavily bogged down by responsibilities from a relationship.
This is why many men who feel resentful of their wives' successes tend to start pushing blame for their failures onto their wives. It's easier for them to blame their wives than to ask why they haven't done the work themselves.
6. 'Wait until you hear how my wife had me treated by her corporate executive friends'
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Be very careful when you find out that your partner has started to whine, complain, and badmouth you to others. This is a common move done by men who are resentful of being less successful than their wives. They feel like they have to find a way to make themselves the victim, even if you're the one providing everything for them.
But as dating and confidence coach for men Nick Notas explained, this can backfire. "There's nothing more heartbreaking than knowing someone they love thinks so low of them. That you've been putting on an act this whole time. That you've been lying to them. How do you expect your partner to trust you again? You've betrayed them and they're forever embarrassed because of everyone you've told," he said.
7. 'Not now, I'm not in the mood'
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A man who is proud and thankful for his wife is a man who is deeply attracted to her. When men lose their interest in physical intimacy with their wives, it's never a good sign. It can often indicate a deeper issue in the relationship that makes him want to pull away.
While a lack of physical connection can happen for a wide range of reasons, it's worth pointing out that resentment can make it happen pretty fast.
8. 'You always put your job over me'
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Resentment doesn't just happen overnight. It creeps in, often due to repeated issues that remain unresolved. If your job is extremely demanding, he might be getting resentful of seeing you vanish the moment your boss rings you up. Whether it's complaining about her working late or going out with colleagues after work, if a man secretly resents his wife's success, he'll start saying these things casually.
Here, the terms "always" and "never" tend to reveal a lot of where he stands on this issue. This is often a sign that he's happy for you, but that your success came at the cost of him feeling like he has to remain overlooked. It's not a good feeling.
9. 'Here comes Miss Independent'
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For most people, resentment isn't something that they can always contain. In many cases, the first sign of resentment often comes from a tense vibe, followed by some cutting, slightly cruel jokes. If a man secretly resents his wife's success, he'll start saying extremely mean or passive-aggressive things casually.
It's not nice, it's cruel. "When they make you feel inferior about who you are or what you do or how you do it, it's a red flag. This is deeper than criticism and involves mockery and sarcasm. It leads to feelings of humiliation, sounding like jokes that reveal or attack your vulnerabilities or accusations that make you think you're doing something wrong," relationship and life coach Ann Papayoti revealed.
10. 'She only got her job because she's a woman'
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If it appears as if men who seem the most resentful also tend to be the most misogynistic, it's not your imagination. A lot of men who are bitter and resentful about their own successes tend to use misogyny as a way to "write off" any moments when their wives outshine them.
If he's constantly trying to discredit what you've done, he's extremely resentful and may be finally revealing his hidden misogyny. Sadly, it's not your duty to cure a man of his misogyny or his insecurity.
11. 'I've had enough of hearing about it'
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Resentment tends to show through, even when you're trying not to make it show. In many cases, it tends to keep simmering until something just pushes it over the edge, often resulting in a nasty outburst.
When you talk about your success, does it feel like he's a pot about to boil over? Does he tell you to stop talking about it or even snap at you over it? That's an indicator that he can't handle your accomplishments, and it most likely deals with all the victory laps you've been doing.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
