If You’ve Been Together A While, You’ll Totally Relate To These 16 Things
Couples who've been together forever know comfort beats romance every time.
bernardbodo | Canva I’ve been with my boyfriend for 12 years. Twelve! I met him when I was 14 years old, and the rest is history. Our relationship has changed a lot over the past 12 years, and it’s wild to think about how much we’ve experienced together (we kinda grew up together, you know!?)
When I look at the way we act today in our long-term relationship, I am pretty astonished at how far we have come. From times when I was terrified he would go into the bathroom after I pooped to those moments when an accidental droplet of flying spit made me want to die inside, what we do in front of each other now is a whole lot different. Aside from not being as embarrassed over things anymore, our life goals, relationship goals, and daily interactions are drastically different than before.
If you've been together a while, you'll totally relate to these 16 things:
1. You don't care if they know you poop
The days of holding it in and making excuses to leave the house and find a public restroom are over. You poop. They poop. And if they can’t get over the fact that it does, in fact, stink, they can get lost because you just don’t care anymore.
2. You don't stress about embarrassing yourself anymore
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Farting in your sleep or snoring like a mythical monster doesn’t even embarrass you anymore. They know all of your embarrassing quirks and still decided to love you anyway.
Marriage and family therapist Moushumi Ghose described what it takes to make love last: "We need to learn to give love freely, accept love freely, and know the abundance of love is all around us. In turn, we will stop feeling jealous or fearful about our loved ones, stop feeling ownership and possessiveness, and ultimately learn to thrive in our relationships."
3. You fight way less than you used to
Fighting with your partner just doesn’t offer the passion and appeal that it used to. You have both learned to pick your battles by now (hopefully). You have also stopped doing things that you learned to make each other angry.
Relationship coach Linda Salazar pointed out that "When you learn how to argue fruitfully, you can really gain emotional and spiritual insight into what took place, making it less likely you are to repeat the fight. At the end, share what you're biggest "aha" moment is from the experience and let them know what greater understanding you have about them that you didn't before."
4. You get over fights fast
If you do happen to have the occasional argument, you don’t require the sappy love notes and apology flowers anymore. Both of you will kind of brush it off, fix the problem, and move on with your lives because you don't have time for that.
The Gottman Institute recommended using the body scan method for emotional regulation during conflict: "You and your partner can create a habit of pausing and doing a body scan at the beginning of and during conflict discussions. During a body scan, you’ll scan from your head to your toes to notice how your body feels. Signals like a fast heartbeat, muscle tension, clenched jaw, etc., are common when dysregulated."
5. You're brutally honest with each other
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You trust each other enough to be honest, but sometimes you are a little brutal. You think nothing of telling your partner their sweater doesn’t match their pants. When you point out these little brutal honesties, they are actually pretty grateful you did even if they don't realize until much later.
6. You occasionally wonder what it'd be like to be with someone else
While the beginning of your relationship may be filled with a fiery passion that keeps your eyes solely on your partner, after ten years, they may begin to wander. It’s usually pretty innocent, and while you totally love them, it’s kind of human just to wonder.
"After recognizing everyone has the infinite ability to love, you must allow yourself the infinite ability to give love," advised Ghouse. "If they are flirting with someone at a party, instead of feeling jealous, try to put yourself in your partner's shoes. Does this make them happy? If so, make room for allowance. A little flirtation never hurt anyone, and it may make for better intimacy."
7. You'd never actually jeopardize what you have
After being together for so long, you’ve realized that while it may be a human instinct to wonder about other partners, acting on it is not something you really want to do. You love your relationship and wouldn’t jeopardize it.
Dr. Margaret Paul, Ph.D., suggested, "As you open up to yourselves and each other, the learning process will likely change you. What you come up with may differ greatly from what you started with. Resolution occurs when neither of you feels you're compromising yourself or your integrity. Neither of you is giving up control to the other. Both of you are happy with the resolution."
8. You've stopped saying "please" all the time
Trying to be polite is the way of the past. After so many years, you call your partner to pick you up from the bar. You text them to pick up a snack for you on their way home. You never have to think about paying them back, either. You can ask them to make you a cup of tea just because you don’t feel like doing it yourself. You know they will still love you, even if you don’t always remember to say please.
9. You enjoy your alone time
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While you may have been inseparable at the beginning, getting a night to yourself is kind of awesome these days. A night to hang out with your family and friends without your partner there is pretty welcome.
"Alone time is one of the healthiest things for a relationship," dating coach Anna Karimo emphasized. "Spending time apart gives each person time to decompress, to be themselves, and to be secure with their identity outside of the relationship. You want them to have some alone time, and you should welcome the chance to relax alone yourself."
10. You don't stress about cheating
At this point, you don’t constantly feel insecure every time your partner is texting someone or goes out to the bar without you. You aren’t constantly worrying, sneakily looking through their phone, or driving by their favorite hangout. You know what you bring to the relationship, and if they cheat on you, well, their loss.
11. You'd rather stay in than go out
Going out and partying is a lot of fun in a new romance and builds connection. But eventually, you realize you can enjoy each other’s company much better while sitting on the couch. Cuddling up together with a pint of ice cream instead of screaming over the music at the bar has become your preferred way to spend time. And, it allows for much better conversation to maintain your bond.
12. You automatically include them in everything
It’s not too often that you talk about taking a vacation, your living situation, or even what you’re having for dinner without referring to both of you. You feel like you both fit together perfectly. As relationship coach Clayton Olson described, "A healthy soul connection should enhance your life, not take away from it. Finding your soulmate is like finding a piece of a puzzle that perfectly fits with yours. It’s not about finding someone who’s just like you, but someone who complements you in the best possible way."
13. You're less obsessed with intimacy
It’s no secret that being physically intimate at the beginning of a relationship is much more exciting than ten years in. Sure, there are plenty of ways to keep things spicy, but in general, intimacy isn’t what it used to be.
"Intimacy is the act of living in the heart of your beloved," explained clinical psychologist and marriage counselor Randi Gunther. "When relationships move from intertwined to parallel, that bond weakens. But it doesn't have to break. If you and your partner become aware that you are losing the intimacy that once fed that bond, you can change your behavior and bring back the closeness you once treasured."
14. You finally understand what being "partners" really means
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After ten years, you realize that a “partner” is much more suitable than a husband, boyfriend, wife, or girlfriend. You and your love are actual partners in life. You realize the importance of wanting each other to succeed. Both of you will do your part to help each other get there.
15. You get their quirks now
You’ve known your partner and their family for so long now that you completely get why they act the way they do. You can point out that their tendency to be nosy about the neighbors comes from their mom. You have pieced together the fact that their short temper stems from their dad.
16. You know them like a book
You aren’t trying to get to know each other anymore because you actually know each other so well already. You know each other better than almost anyone else. You know exactly what songs they will hate or love before they hear them. You know which situations will make them uncomfortable, and what kind of people they will get along with, and who will cause them to immediately act like lifelong friends.
Shannon Ullman is a writer who focuses on travel and adventure, women's health, pop culture, and relationships. Her work has appeared in Huffington Post, MSN, and Matador Network.
