11 Moments That Cause Men To Lose Their Wives’ Love Without Them Even Realizing
Love is lost over many small moments, not during one big one.
Prostock-studio / Shutterstock When we think about a relationship falling apart, we often picture one big fight that caused everything to blow up. But, in reality, relationships don’t just fall apart because two people argued one day. They fall apart because of a million little moments that happen every day and build up over time until it’s too much to handle. This is how men lose their wives’ love — not through one big event, but through many small moments that weigh on them.
Health and wellness writer Elizabeth Plumptre said, “Most importantly, a couple agrees that their marriage is built on a foundation of love and respect. Without this love, there isn’t much for the relationship to stand on. This makes the absence of love on one person’s part a worrying reality for the future of the relationship.” If a man loses his wife’s love, it will likely only lead to heartbreak.
Here are 11 moments that cause men to lose their wives’ love without them even realizing
1. When he criticizes her
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One of the fastest ways for a man to lose his wife’s love, possibly without realizing it, is by criticizing his wife. Everyone says things they don’t mean from time to time, but this goes beyond that. If a man says something that is intentionally hurtful about his wife, her love is going to slip. This isn’t constructive criticism to help her grow, but rather just something said to cause pain.
Criticism is what The Gottman Institute calls one of the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in relationships” that can easily end a relationship. According to clinical psychologist and Gottman Institute staff writer Ellie Lisitsa, “Criticism can have devastating effects because it makes the victim feel assaulted, rejected, and hurt. It often causes the couple to fall into an escalating pattern where criticism reappears with greater frequency and intensity.”
If a man criticizes his wife, that is going to stick out in her mind. She’s not going to easily forget the hurtful words that he said and just move on from them like everything is fine. A husband criticizing his wife is one of the pivotal moments in which he can lose her love because of his behavior, and it’s very hard to rebuild that love once it’s lost.
2. When he doesn’t support her
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Another moment that can be detrimental to a marriage is husbands not supporting their wives. This can take so many different forms. Maybe she had an important work event he didn’t show up for, or maybe he didn’t back her up emotionally when she was going through something difficult with a friend. Perhaps he just failed to listen and didn’t metaphorically “show up” at all.
Relationship expert Charlotte Johnson explained just how important it is to listen to your spouse. “You must never dismiss or invalidate what they’re saying or how they’re feeling, as ultimately everyone experiences different emotions in various ways, and there’s no right or wrong way to deal with it,” she said.
Instead, husbands need to be there for their wives. If a wife looks around and realizes her husband isn’t there to support her in whatever way she may need it at the time, her love is probably going to wane. Her husband may think it’s not a big deal, and may not even notice that he did it, but to her it will be a major infraction. There may be no moving past it.
3. When he doesn’t communicate
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Communication is one of the most key aspects of any relationship, so if a man is neglecting it, his wife will definitely notice. No relationship can survive and remain healthy without an open flow of communication. Sometimes lacking communication might have minor consequences, but sometimes the results can be big and powerful.
Psychosocial rehabilitation specialist Kendra Cherry, MSEd, writes, “Communication is vital for healthy relationships. Being able to talk openly and honestly with the people in your life allows you to share, learn, respond, and forge lasting bonds. This is a vital part of any relationship, including those with friends and family, but it can be particularly important in romantic relationships.”
When a man makes the conscious choice to not communicate, he is sending the message to his wife that he just doesn’t care and doesn’t hold their relationship in high esteem. This can be catastrophic for the marriage. If her husband isn’t communicating, a wife’s love might slowly but surely slip away until there’s nothing left.
4. When he dismisses her feelings
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No one who wants their relationship to work should ever dismiss their partner’s feelings. A husband doing this to his wife can make her feel unloved, unwanted, and misunderstood. If someone trusts you enough to come to you with their feelings, you have to be ready to hold space for that. Ignoring how their wives feel and acting like it doesn’t even matter puts men in a horrible position.
Health and wellness writer Brittany Carrico shared that this is what is known as emotional invalidation, and it can be either purposeful or unintentional. “Emotional invalidation is the act of dismissing or rejecting someone’s thoughts, feelings, or behaviors,” she said. “It says to someone: ‘Your feelings don’t matter. Your feelings are wrong.’ Emotional invalidation can make you feel unimportant or irrational. It can take many forms and happen at any time.”
Your spouse is supposed to be the person you can trust and depend on the most. If a husband invalidates his wife’s emotions and makes her feel like what she’s feeling isn’t important, she’s going to feel small and insignificant. That’s the kind of thing that can tear love and relationships apart.
5. When he takes her for granted
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Another big mistake men make in their marriages is taking their wives for granted. Because of the way labor is traditionally divided among genders, most women take on a lot. In today’s modern world, they often work outside the home, while also being expected to be the primary caretaker of their children and household. Chances are, a man’s wife is doing a lot that keeps their family together. If he doesn’t recognize that and express gratitude properly, it could easily lead him to lose her love.
Couples therapist Jeffrey Bernstein, PhD, explained, “In many cases, taking each other for granted is unintentional. As routines form and life gets busy, partners fall into predictable patterns, assuming that their partner knows they’re loved, valued, and appreciated. Yet love requires upkeep. Neglecting those everyday signs of gratitude can lead to a buildup of resentment, frustration, and distance.”
So, if a husband is taking his wife for granted, there’s a good chance that he doesn’t necessarily mean to do so. He’s just fallen into a routine. But that’s not really an excuse. His wife still deserves to have all of the amazing things she does acknowledged. If a man isn’t doing that, it will drive a wedge between them and eventually lead to a loss of love.
6. When he yells at her
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Everyone loses their temper at times and says or does things they regret. That’s just part of being human, and we all have to expect it from each other. However, chances are you wouldn’t raise your voice at a random stranger on the street, and you really shouldn’t do that at home either. If a man yells at his wife, it can leave her wondering where their relationship stands and even make her feel unsafe if he displays a pattern of aggressive behavior.
Kendra Han, MSW, the Director of Couples Programs and Content at The Gottman Institute, said, “Yelling is not a normal or healthy form of communication in a marriage. While disagreements and conflicts are inevitable, how they are handled is what matters. Consistent yelling can indicate a lack of proper conflict resolution skills and can create an atmosphere of fear and resentment.”
A man yelling at his wife shows that he has some deep-seated anger that needs to be dealt with. This is bound to push his wife away and make her feel like she can’t trust the person who is supposed to love her the most. It’s one way he could lose her love, even if he doesn’t realize it.
7. When he mistreats their kids
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Mistreating their kids is a sure way for a man to lose his wife’s love. Moms are often very protective of their children. It’s not uncommon to hear a woman say that she stayed in a toxic relationship for the sake of her children. Some women are willing to overlook almost any bad behavior they receive themselves, but involving their kids changes everything.
If a wife sees her husband mistreating their children in any way, she will very likely start to feel differently about him. This can easily lead to him losing her love. While she may be willing to put up with other things, she’ll draw a line with her kids. If he mistreats them, it could completely ruin the marriage.
8. When he doesn’t prioritize their relationship
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Everyone is busy and has a lot of different things to focus on. Still, when you’re married or in a relationship at any stage, it’s important to make that relationship your first priority. This is one way you can show that you love and value your partner. However, in the fast-paced world we live in, men can sometimes lose sight of how important their wives are and let their minds automatically prioritize something else over their marriage.
Counselor Robert Taibbi, LCSW, shared a metaphor that can help couples prioritize their relationship. “A good way of thinking about your relationships is that it is like a baby that you both created and are responsible for and tending to,” he said. “When the baby gets sick or isn’t doing well, you both need to be concerned and step up. You both stay attentive and are committed to seeing it thrive and grow. It’s a combination of consciously keeping the negative from getting worse, and consciously making the positive a positive.”
A marriage can’t survive with just one spouse carrying it. Both have to be involved and engaged for it to be successful. If a man isn’t prioritizing his marriage and leaving his wife to pick up the pieces, her feelings for him will shift, and he may even lose her love. She needs him to be there, not just for her, but for them.
9. When he refuses to be vulnerable
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Another moment that causes a man to lose his wife’s love is a refusal to be vulnerable. Despite great strides being made in gender equality, toxic masculinity is still very real, and many men think they aren’t supposed to be vulnerable because they’re men. The problem with this is that you have to be vulnerable with your partner to have a healthy relationship. If a husband just won’t be vulnerable, his wife may feel distant from him.
Marriage and family therapist and founder of The Narrative Method, Shari Foos, said, “Vulnerability is when a person willingly takes the risk to reveal their emotions and weaknesses. This emotional openness is essential in all healthy relationships, as it paves the way for deeper understanding and evokes the empathy necessary for healthy long-term relationships.”
Some lack of vulnerability is understandable, as being vulnerable is definitely not the most comfortable feeling in the world. However, if a husband absolutely refuses to be vulnerable with his wife, then they don’t really have much of a relationship at all. This is an easy way for him to lose her love, even if he doesn’t realize it.
10. He doesn’t help around the house
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Something else a man can do that can really damage his marriage is not pulling his weight around the house. As we’ve established, the burden of house work often falls to women because that’s just the gender norm for our society. That doesn’t mean that men have an excuse to never do anything around the house, though. They should still act as equal partners with their wives and help them complete essential tasks, like taking care of the house.
According to NBC News correspondent Jocelyn Shek, men are contributing to household duties in greater numbers, but they still have a ways to go. An analysis of data from the Bureau of Labor Statistics revealed that men spent about 100 minutes on house work a day in 2024. This was an increase of 20 minutes from 2003, but women still did 40 minutes more work around the house. If this pattern continues, men and women will have equal household duties in 2066.
If a man completely ignores domestic duties and acts like those are solely the responsibility of his wife, he may lose her love. He might not do this intentionally. Maybe it’s the way he was raised, or maybe he’s just stuck to some old-fashioned ideals. Either way, this can be detrimental for a marriage and cause women to question if they want to stay together or not.
11. He acts differently in public than he does in private
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One moment that’s a major red flag for women is watching their husband act differently in public than he does in private. This doesn’t necessarily mean the couple is living in some kind of psychological thriller. This could simply mean that her husband keeps to himself at home, or he isn’t as helpful. Still, even if it’s only a minor difference, it is something the wife will take note of. It’s a sign that he’s not being completely authentic, and that’s worrisome.
Couples therapists Alexis Harney, LMFT, and Daniella Mohazab, AMFT, of Laurel Therapy Collective, noted that there are some situations in which it’s normal to act differently in public because of the people you’re with or the place you’re at. But sometimes the behavior can feel hurtful. “Rude or dismissive behavior might include interrupting, ignoring your concerns, or being overly blunt during social situations,” they said. “These behaviors can stem from stress, social pressure, or thoughtlessness and are often unintentional.”
If a wife notices her husband is acting like a different person in public than he is in private, and it’s not reflecting him in a good light, that can make her seriously question their relationship and wonder about their future. If a wife can’t trust her husband to be himself around her, then he’ll probably lose her love without meaning to. This is how marriages start to break down.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
