Women Who Give Up Arguing With Their Husbands As They Get Older Usually Have These 11 Reasons
They're focusing on much more important things.
bbernard | Shutterstock In any marriage, it's normal to have a disagreements or arguments from time to time. Whether it's small things like dirty dishes in the sink to bigger things like family planning, it's all about how couples approach these uncomfortable conversations that define the type of relationship they have. But over time, the dust settles and the tense talks lessen, and it's because women who give up arguing with their husbands as they get older usually have certain reasons.
After spending years together, the arguments they used to have slowly become insignificant. For better or worse, married women no longer argue and choose their battles, brushing off smaller problems that don't affect the marriage. However, while it could be a sign that she's putting her marriage first and learning to let go, it could also indicate deeper problems.
Women who give up arguing with their husbands as they get older usually have these 11 reasons
1. They realize peace is more valuable than being right
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It's hard to stop arguing when both partners want to be right. Without realizing it, couples create more hurt than intended, all for the sake of being heard. However, the longer a woman is married, the more she realizes how pointless all of this is. Valuing peace of mind, her main goal is to create harmony in her marriage.
Women pause during an argument and, at times, let bygones be bygones for this exact reason. It may be tempting to give into those need-to-win instincts, but at the end of the day, defensiveness never works out.
As strategy and teamwork advisor Liane Davey explained, "Defensiveness sends terrible signals. When you indulge in it, you're likely to be seen as insecure, closed-minded and overly emotional. None of these labels is going to help you be successful or build stronger relationships."
2. They've learned what issues actually matter
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At the start of marriage, it's easy for couples to allow their emotions to get the better of them. Without noticing it, they argue about issues that, in the end of the day, don't even matter. Whether it's where to hang up a family photo or what to have for dinner, silly arguments only drain couples faster. But women who give up arguing with their husbands as they get older usually have learned that there are certain problems that matter.
It's tempting to want to argue over the little things. Feeling stubborn, many women will pick apart their partners until they cave into their demands. Unfortunately, all this does is create more division, causing tension in their marriage. This is why married women only have fights about actually important things. Because as much as she wants to get her way, she values her marriage even more.
3. They understand their partner better
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Many couples go into marriage not knowing much about one another. They may know their partner's favorite color or food order, but it's the deeper things they miss. While women may want to address the problem head-on, some men need time to reflect.
So, women keep their distance until he's ready to open up. And as difficult as it may be, she understands that approaching a conversation with a clear head leads to better conflict-resolution than arguing for hours on end.
4. They've already tried fixing the same problems
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Married women will do everything in their power to come up with solutions. From changing bad habits to pushing their boundaries to appease their husbands, they go above and beyond. They have already tried fixing the same issue over and over again, and while they may love their husband, they're simply fed up.
Too tired to argue or fix things, she's letting it go instead of continuing on. While research published in Current Opinion in Psychology says that relationships benefit from conflict, too much of it, especially about the same thing, isn't great.
5. They know they can't control everything
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Many women grew up feeling like the weight of the world was on their shoulders. From the high expectations their parents set to feeling as if they could never mess up, they probably have some level of control issues due to perfectionist tendencies. For some women, it might rarely come out; however, when life becomes a bit stressful, these mannerisms become heightened.
But thanks to therapy and a ton of self-reflection, these women have learned to let go of the things they can't control. After all, breaking a bad habit is a circle, not a linear process. If a woman is allowing her husband to work alongside her and voice his opinion, she's probably learned to let go.
6. They've built their own coping systems
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While many arguments often result in some form of productivity, some stem from doubt and insecurity. Some couples argue as a way to reassure themselves. Because of this, tensions rise in the relationship, causing irreversible damage.
While husbands are there to support their wives, it's never their duty to baby them. Some women understand this, which is why they find ways to ground themselves. And according to a study published in the Biomedical Journal, grounding oneself leads to restorative sleep and boosts mood.
It's not always easy and sometimes her anxiety can get the better of her, but the longer she's married, the more of a grip she has over her emotions, making it less difficult to stop arguments from occurring.
7. They're more focused on their relationship's longevity
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Women who give up arguing with their husbands as they get older usually are more focused on their relationship's longevity, rather than "winning" or putting their ego first. They know that a solid relationship doesn't happen overnight.
In the first years of marriage, it may take multiple tries until couples are able to push aside their pride to focus on what's best for them and their bond. From compromise to prioritizing one another's needs, women are focused on what they can do to ensure their marriage doesn't go sideways. But it's a team effort. While women pull their weight, a marriage never works if only one person is putting their all into it.
8. They feel invisible
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Some women grow resentful in their marriage over time. Feeling unheard and shut down, they give up arguing because they feel invisible. It isn't always their husband's fault, but somewhere along the way, something got lost in translation. Maybe he forgot how to meet her needs, and she forgot how to express them without exploding, causing tension.
But rather than argue about it, some women choose to remain silent. Even if it isn't the healthiest coping mechanism, wives who feel ignored by their husbands no longer feel safe expressing themselves. And according to professor of communication Dawn O. Braithwaite, "What is important to understand is that relationships are talked into (and out of) being. In communication, we develop, create, maintain, and alter our relationships. As we communicate, we become and change who we are."
9. They've shifted the focus to understanding rather than winning
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Married women have learned to lessen their arguments by being a bit more empathetic and understanding. They know that validation and compassion could get her a long way when it comes to compromising. In turn, her husband can regulate his emotions to also do the same, creating a better dynamic in their marriage.
That being said, it doesn't always work perfectly. Like anything in life, there's a time when everything goes haywire, no matter what actions are taken. But so long as she's willing to hear him out, wives tend to argue less when they shift their focus.
10. They've lost respect for their partner
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When a woman gets married, she has nothing but respect and admiration for her partner. He may not be perfect, and neither is she, but his genuine effort and good-hearted nature was enough to win her over. Maybe over time, the more she felt unheard, the more she lost respect for her partner, which can be heartbreaking.
She probably did everything she could to make her feelings known. From speaking to him calmly to setting boundaries, she tried everything to get him to see her and treat her how she wanted to be treated. And after spending years feeling neglected, her love and respect for her husband has run dry, causing her to no longer argue in her marriage.
11. They're burned out
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Women who give up arguing with their husbands as they get older usually do so because they're extremely burned out. She's tried everything she could to make her marriage work, talking for hours on end and reading every book to make her husband understand. However, she's exhausted herself to the point of not even having a minor disagreement.
On the surface, being burned out doesn't sound like that big of a deal. After all, everyone experiences episodes of burnout from time to time. But according to psychology professor Nicole K. McNichols, "Historically, burnout has been viewed as problematic because of the toll it takes on an individual's mental health and because it makes people work less hard at their jobs. More recent research, however, has found that the anxiety, depression, and sense of detachment that come from burnout also spill over into people's intimate relationships."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
