The Art Of Being An Unbothered Person: 6 Simple Habits Of Naturally Unbothered People
They never let chaos steal their calm.
Evelyn Verdín | Unsplash Pondering what it means to be totally unbothered can leave you feeling no particular way at all. Part of the ambiguity is that people adept at nonchalance don't come across as vapid or lacking substance, yet they are neither boisterous nor immature. The unbothered person is detached but still present and aware. They are unapologetically themselves but quiet about it. They are the people who hold space without having to own the spotlight.
They might first appear to be a background actor in life, but end up commanding the scene by rolling with whatever comes their way until a true need arises. The unbothered are floaters, not by riding on the effort of others, but like a bobber on a fishing line, at rest on the surface until success is caught.
Here are six simple habits of naturally unbothered people:
1. They're good at heading off drama
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Life coach Susan Allan suggests that unbothered people are naturally happy people whose brain chemistry allows them to wake up in the morning, feel peaceful and calm, and spend their days in a happy frame of mind.
However, we need to distinguish the people who are unbothered because life is good for them, versus the unbothered people who may be avoiding reality. In this frame, it is only people who have the capacity to prevent and solve problems who can afford the approach of being unbothered.
2. They don't waste energy on things they can't change
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What most people don't realize is that deep inside, unbothered people are often as bothered as the rest of us, cautions therapist Gloria Brame, Ph.D. They still feel stress, anxiety, or frustration. But, they've developed the discipline to focus their energy on what they can control, and to know when to let go of what they cannot.
This habit is transformative. We are all inclined to try and control the uncontrollable, such as other people's opinions, how family members behave, past events, divorces, choices, and who gets to live to an old age. We have so many real and human fears in life.
We need a guide to distinguish between our sphere of control and everything outside it. When someone is consumed by imaginary worst-case scenarios, they need to identify what they can actually do to improve their situation. That shift from ruminating on the unchangeable to recognizing where they actually have power, usually in their own responses and choices, is what creates genuine calm.
Most unbothered people have simply developed the practice of caring more strategically. Can they do something about a problem? If they can, they do it! If they can't, they let go of trying to effect change when none is possible. It's not about caring less; it's about directing care where it can actually make a difference.
3. They don't dwell — they figure it out
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Life coach María Tomás-Keegan says feeling stressed about something usually means you don’t know how to handle it. It might also mean you have some fear going on. That’s normal, and it happens to all of us.
What if, instead of focusing on what you don’t know or fear, you concentrate on what you could do to find a solution to the challenge? This way, you'll learn how to problem-solve instead of just worrying. The most unbothered people do this while talking to someone they trust, or just thinking quietly about solutions versus the problems.
4. They don't spiral over setbacks
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If you want to be an unbothered person, psychologist Courtney Warren, Ph.D, stop becoming preoccupied with what isn’t going well in your life. Instead, shift your thoughts and attitudes to focus on what you love about your life and what you can change about what isn’t going well. Make an effort to stop thinking about what you don’t like, don’t have, and can’t change.
What makes you happy is highly personal. Your ability to be unbothered in any given moment will be affected by a host of things, like what you enjoy doing, who you’re with, how your body feels, your mood, and what you value about life.
5. They know that comparison is the thief of joy
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Psychologist Dr. Leda Kaveh says unbothered people know it’s okay to do things differently from other people. It’s okay to say "no" to them, too. Everyone has different goals, opinions, and priorities in life, and that’s a good thing!
When you compare yourself to others or make assumptions about how they feel and act, you lose touch with your feelings and intentions. You start feeling guilty because you think they're better than you somehow, but letting go of comparisons helps you see everyone more objectively and clearly.
6. They remain pleasantly detached
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Astrologer Aria Gmitter says a habit of a naturally unbothered person is learning to detach from situations and remember that every individual is on their own journey. There’s room for error, and the process tends to resolve itself.
It’s tough to watch people you love make poor decisions, especially after you’ve offered advice you know is solid and helpful. Yet a person who doesn’t let things get under their skin transforms what could ruin their day into a quiet release. They don’t get angry or spiral into frustration.
There’s no urge to call a friend to vent or post about it online. Instead, it’s as if the moment never even popped up on their radar. Their mindset pivots toward what they can control. Their demeanor, their entire nervous system, recalibrates into peace and serenity, because they trust that people figure things out and problems will often resolve themselves.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
