12 Things Unbothered People Do When Life Gets Stressful That Most People Never Think To Try
Are you nurturing your stress or your strength?
Roman Samborskyi | Shutterstock I am not one of those people who was born knowing how to deal with stress in a calm, graceful way. That's why I had to learn how to manage stress in a healthy way — and why I maintain these practices even today.
The world is full of rapid change and much of it isn't in our control. There are many opportunities to get tense, worried, and frazzled. Or you can make choices that help you become one of those unbothered people. Building resilience is the best defense to battle stress and anxiety, creating what I call your "treasure chest." When things get tough, all you have to do is open the lid of your treasure chest and pull one out one of your life tools.
Here are 12 things unbothered people do when life gets stressful
1. They recognize where the stress 'lives' in the body
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The first step is to recognize that you're anxious about something. What does stress feel like in your body? Do you tighten in your shoulders, or feel it in your neck? Maybe your stomach?
For me, it’s a heaviness in my chest and then it moves up from there. It might manifest into a headache. I used to get migraines when things got strained, and I'm not alone. Research shows that 4 out of 5 people who experience migraines cite stress as a trigger.
The next step is to acknowledge the feelings that arise when you start to stiffen up. Understanding what’s happening will allow you to respond instead of reacting, and you can choose to use different ways to develop resilience to it.
2. They find a way to laugh, or at least smile
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Laughter is one of the best stress-relievers around. If you can find a way to smile, maybe by thinking of a happy memory or listening to comdedy, you can help "reset" your brain. You can also look for the humor in a situation and make a joke out of it, even if it's just to yourself.
Whenever you can turn an anxious moment into a humorous one, you've completely changed the dynamic of the situation. While this sounds like old-fashioned advice, many research studies have found that "faking" a smile can help change your mood.
One study from 2012 even found that people who made a face mimicking a smile (they used chopsticks that participants clamped between teeth that made their faces look similar to a smile, without asking them to smile) experience the physiological and psychological and emotional benefits of smiling. Now that is a hack!
3. They change perspective to focus on solutions
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Usually, feeling stressed about something means you don’t know how to handle it. It might also mean that you have some fear going on.
That’s normal — and it happens to all of us. What if, instead of focusing on what you don’t know or fear, you concentrate on what you could do to find a solution to the challenge?
This way, you'll learn how to problem-solve instead of just worry. You can do this while doing a journal challenge, talking someone you trust, or just thinking quietly about solutions vs the problems.
4. They write it out — then talk it out
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Another way to combat stress is to look it in the eye and call it by its name. First, spend time writing about the circumstances creating the angst, and be specific.
Writing down problems has been proven to help declutter your brain and actually reduces stress! A Harvard Health article explains that, "in one early study, Dr. Pennebaker asked 46 healthy college students to write about either personally traumatic life events or trivial topics for 15 minutes on four consecutive days."
For six months following the experiment,"students who wrote about traumatic events visited the campus health center less often, and used a pain reliever less frequently, than those who wrote about inconsequential matters," Harvard Health reports.
When writing it out, try to capture the details about who, what, where, and when. Try your best to take the emotion and judgment out of the story.
Next, talk with a trusted ally to share the specifics — and keep to the facts, not what you don't know. This approach will help you to see the situation for what it is. As a result, you’ll start to see solutions to reducing stress.
5. They determine the cause and see what can be changed
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While you’re writing, include information about what caused you to feel stressed about the situation. Make sure you share details, too. Then, think about why it upset you, and get curious about what you could do to change the outcome.
Not only does this help you process the stress and get it "out of your head", so to speak, it empowers you to be more solutions-oriented.
Whenever you are on a search for solutions, you are developing resilience to stress. Do you see how that can work?
6. They reframe the stress (or the situation)
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This idea can be a tough one to grasp for some people, but don’t worry. Try another idea and come back to this when you’ve mastered the rest.
You have to think about the stress in a new way. Let’s say someone pushes your buttons, you react with anger, and you can’t get it out of your head. The stress levels are rising. The feelings that your friend pushed may have been simple hurt feelings, that were then turned into anger.
What if you imagined that same incident differently. Instead of reacting to the situation, you could pause for a moment, take a breath, and decide that the experience was a teaching moment.
In other words, you reframe stress to a lesson — which is another excellent way to build resilience to stress.
7. They visualize the opposite of their stress
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This one is relatively easy. Instead of focusing on the stress, close your eyes and visualize feeling one of these feelings instead: calm, relaxed, serene, undisturbed, assured, contented, confident.
Pick a feeling and focus on how that feels. What does it look like? And how does your body respond to it?
Now that you’ve found the feeling you’d rather have instead, you can choose that in place of the stressed-out feeling. Resilience is building.
This is called visualization meditation, and a study of nursing students in a semi-experimental setting found that it "significantly increased the achievement-oriented motivation levels of the students and decreased their stress/anxiety/depression levels."
8. They focus on breathing
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Breathing is something we all do, 24/7. But it's about so much more than just an exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide! Breathing techniques can be a powerful tool in your treasure chest and can make every anxious moment feel much better.
Inhale deeply and exhale all the stress. Keep practicing this, so you can feel more relaxed, clear-headed, and ready to move on. There are even breathing exercises designed to help you fall asleep when you're feeling stressed. And a good night's sleep will also help reduce your stress during waking hours!
9. They self-soothe with herbal tea or relaxing hobbies
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The aroma, warmth, and soothing flavors of chamomile, lavender, peppermint, and lemon balm will get you started on the right road to relaxation.
De-stressing over a cup of tea does wonders for me. I get to pause, breathe in the comforting scents, and let my mind wander. As you can see, there are a bunch of hacks all in one place in this one.
If you're not a tea person, find a tactile hobby that can allow you to keep your hands busy. Knitting, crochet, whittling, sanding, or even coloring in a coloring book can help enormously.
10. They listen to music, books, or guided meditation
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What works best for you is the ticket to this ride. Take a break, put on your earphones, and plug into your favorite mode of retreat. For some, heavy metal might be a relaxing release. Other people might like classical or even ambient music. If none of those sound right, try ocean sounds or a guided meditation.
Sometimes, feeling stressed requires you to remove yourself, refresh your attitude, and reset your energy. What’s the best way for you?
Develop your resilience to stress by doing more of what works. After you’ve relaxed a bit, you’ll be able to tackle the tough situations better.
11. They get a hug
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Easy-peasy. Call a friend who gets what you’re going through. Ask if they have a little time to help you process some things you're going through.
Try using the "talk it out" hack, then let them know you need to release the stress physically with a big bear hug. Take a deep breath — get a big hug — let go of the tension brewing in your body. Then decide what comes next.
Can you take a walk or hike together and talk about fun stuff? Go see a fun movie? Whatever it is, move forward and let the stress go.
12. They shake it out with MBSR
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Have you noticed how a dog or cat, after they hit their head, shakes their whole body from head to toe?
My little Pomeranian does the body shake after I groom her, which is not her favorite activity. I’ve observed that these beautiful creatures use an innate behavior to shake off what stresses them so they can move on — a good lesson.
Be careful not to shake too hard, but give this one a try. Do it in front of a mirror, if you want. Physically releasing your stress in some manner helps you to clear the way to move beyond it.
Some people call it somatic movement, others call it mind-body stress reduction (MBSR). Regardless of what you call it, movement can help you shed stress and even help reduce the effects of traumatic experiences.
You can develop resilience to stress.
Everyone has lived and learned. But sometimes, you get so buried in the stress that you forget the lessons, and a gentle reminder is all you need.
You get to choose how to bounce back from stress when you put one or more of these tips into play.
It takes is practice. You build resilience to stress by recognizing it, facing it head-on, and recovering from the difficulties quickly.
That means you bounced back, learned lessons, and have more tools in your treasure chest for the next time stress tries to derail you. Resilience built!
María Tomás-Keegan is a certified life and career coach specializing in transition, and founder of Transition & Thrive with Maria.
