The Art Of Staying Classy: 14 Ways To Shut Down Condescending People With Confidence
Leave them stewing in their own rudeness.
meum mare | Pexels There's a fine line between confidence and condescension, and some people just love to cross it. Whether it's a smug coworker, a judgmental relative, or that 'friend' who always sounds like they're doing you a favor by speaking to you, knowing how to respond gracefully is a true art form.
Cultural norms, context, upbringing, and personality type affect how a person receives a comeback. Because of this, when attempting to shut down condescending people, it's important to strive for empathy, compassion, and class while preserving our confidence in ourselves.
Here are 14 ways to shut down condescending people with confidence:
1. Stay calm
The most important part of dealing with a condescending person is to remain calm. Resolving the situation is dependent on your response to their transgressions. Watch your body language and be aware of your tone.
2. Honesty is the best policy
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Being honest is a good idea when confronting a condescending person. If someone steps on your toes, tell them. Be specific about how they made you feel, and be clear that it is unacceptable.
"We can only be accountable for ourselves," points out personal development coach Jan Bowen, "so say what you have to say and stand by it. When you don’t speak up, you are letting yourself down. You deny that you, who you are, and what you stand for, matter. By not speaking, you tacitly allow others to say they are more important than you."
3. Don’t get defensive
It’s easy to get defensive when you are dealing with difficult people. Condescending people are looking to confirm their beliefs about you, and being defensive can play into their wishes. Remember, their words have no power over you.
4. Block their attempts at blackmailing you
People who are condescending use "emotional blackmail" to make others bow to their wishes. They may be scared of losing you, so they make you feel small. Then you think they are your only option. Let them know their continued behavior will not be tolerated.
"The best tool we can use to avoid becoming a victim of personality-disordered people is to develop our own emotional intelligence," advised family therapist Marni Feuerman. "This is the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage emotions in positive ways to communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome obstacles, and defuse conflict."
5. Paste a sarcastic smile on your face and nod
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What better way to illustrate how someone is making you feel than to mirror their actions back to them? If someone is being condescending, smile sarcastically and nod. If you really want to have some fun, throw in a few comments like “thank you, your highness!”
6. Worry about yourself
If people are regularly condescending towards you, there may be a reason. Do a self-assessment to make sure you don’t have the word “victim” tattooed across your forehead. If you do, consider setting some boundaries and teaching others how to treat you.
Psychotherapist Nancy Carbone suggested to "work on your feelings and change the way you feel about yourself. If you can have a more loving relationship with yourself, you allow people to treat you with love and kindness. You teach people how to treat you, and you can teach people to respect you if you consider yourself good enough."
7. Get some help
If you are having trouble establishing those all-important boundaries with the bad actors in your life, you should seek professional help. A licensed therapist can help to uncover the issues causing you to allow people to devalue you and help you put a stop to it.
8. Don’t waste your breath
Some people simply aren’t worth the time and emotional effort necessary to work through your issues with them. If the person talking down to you is a non-factor in your life, it might be best to walk away and cease all contact.
9. Use their holier-than-thou attitude to your advantage
"People automatically interpret their perceptions egocentrically and base their moral judgments on affective reactions," explained a study on egocentric ethics. "These automatic and unconscious features of human judgment can help to explain not only why ethical judgments are egocentrically biased, but also why such subjective perceptions can appear objective and unbiased to moral reasoners themselves. "
So, if someone is always downplaying your ideas and contributions and believes they know more than you, make them prove it. They say they are a subject matter expert, so naturally, they are the best person to do the job. So let them.
10. Burst their bubble
Nothing embarrasses an egocentric person more than the realization that they are the only person who thinks highly of themselves. Drop an insulting nugget here and there to let them know that you and other people don’t find them as amazing as they find themselves.
11. Avoid them and make sure they know you’re doing it
Another amusing way to teach a condescending person a lesson and put a dent in their armor is to avoid them and make it obvious you’re doing it. If you’re walking toward each other, make eye contact, then abruptly turn away and take another route.
12. Give them the intervention they deserve
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If the consensus is that a certain person is terrible to be around, stage an intervention. The best way to bring someone’s lofty sense of self-importance down to Earth is to call out the behavior. Be respectful and don’t gang up, but make it clear they are problematic.
13. Match their energy
Now, this isn’t the best way to handle a condescending person, but it will definitely spur some kind of action. We are all human and may have an outburst from time to time. If your concerns have gone unheard, maybe you should take a more aggressive approach.
Research on the positive effects of aggression explained how people who have set a clear intention and a well-thought-out motivation for their aggressive behavior can have a positive social effect. To have a positive effect, the aggression is usually preplanned and carefully controlled toward the offending person.
14. Report them
Dealing with condescending people at work is an entirely different matter. You have the right to be respected in the workplace. If a colleague or a superior is talking down to you, report them to Human Resources so the pattern of behavior can be documented and addressed.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington, and the author of seven books. She focuses on lifestyle and human interest stories that deliver informative and actionable guidance on interpersonal relationships, enlightenment, and self-discovery.
