7 Signs You're A Genuinely Honest Person, According To Psychology
Being a genuine person is more than just telling the truth.
GaudiLab | Canva Instead of letting ourselves and everyone else down in subtle but real ways, genuinely honest people tell the hard truth and have honesty as one of their core values. You know what you want or need to say, and somehow you get the words out.
As adults, we need to be accountable. Being accountable requires integrity, and that means we must be honest in our thoughts, words, and actions. At times, however, it will undoubtedly still be difficult to find the right words, so here is a guide to help make it easier to start being more honest in a more authentic way.
Here are seven signs you're a genuinely honest person, according to psychology:
1. You speak kindly
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We often don't speak the truth because there’s a risk involved. Holding back what we feel or think typically comes back to a fear of some kind. What are you really afraid of? Give this question careful thought.
Honest people know that the truth doesn't have to be harsh to be real. They choose words that uplift rather than tear down, making it clear they value respect as just as much as honesty.
It's hard to be honest, but if you're delivering the news in a kind, respectful way, there's no reason to fear what will happen if you say what's on your mind. Fear of telling the truth is also a common misconception about lying. Nervousness is usually perceived as a trait of lying, but researchers have shown it is more related to fear and more closely associated with truth-telling.
2. You stay positive
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Even when life throws curveballs, genuinely honest people tend to keep a positive outlook. That doesn't mean they ignore problems or sugarcoat reality — it means they approach challenges with optimism and a sense of fairness.
When bringing up a conversation with someone that isn't easy to talk about, focus on the positive situation and offer an alternative, but beware of your intentions. Research in Trends in Cognitive Sciences showed how cognitive control can override morality and be used by generally honest people to profit from small acts of dishonesty.
3. You understand honesty doesn't have to be blunt
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Perhaps you suspect your manager is endangering your life, and speaking out puts you at risk of losing your job. Or you might be concerned about losing a friendship if you exert your independence and say you don’t like going out every Friday night with the group. Announcing to your carpool group that you can’t stand riding with them because you get migraines may put you at risk of losing social status when you no longer know the latest gossip.
This isn’t a war you’re waging. You live a life of integrity, so do it with style, not rancor. So don't be afraid to speak up — but firmly, not harshly. There are also costs to lying for the liar. A 2023 study showed that "lying decreased people's self-esteem and increased negative affect, regardless of the type of lie."
4. You are non-judgmental in your approach
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Another fear that comes with being honest is of being wrong. What if you’re embarrassed because you speak your mind only to learn new information contradicting your opinion?
You have a legitimate stance and are honoring it — just as you are honoring the other person by allowing them to have their point of view. We all have our way of getting through this world: being a non-judgmental person makes things much easier.
Live yours fully and allow others room to live theirs. Remember that your opinion is just that: your own. Own it totally, and accept that it is only your opinion. Everyone else has their right.
5. You own what you say
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Don’t parrot or take on anyone else’s. We can only be accountable for ourselves, so say what you have to say and stand by it. When you don’t speak up, you are letting yourself down. You deny that you, who you are, and what you stand for, matter.
By not speaking, you tacitly allow others to say they are more important than you. Furthermore, lying causes stress and harms your brain and body. MRI scans for the neural effects of lying showed how the brain adapts to lying. The amglydia becomes more sensitive with each lie, so the next lie can become bigger.
6. Your speak from place of integrity
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When our thoughts, words, and actions are not aligned, we can no longer hold up our role of integrity for ourselves, the people we love, or our community. Which is why we feel so bad when we don't speak out against social injustice or we avoid being honest when asked, "How are you doing?"
Often, people, especially those in charge, can descend to paltering, as explained in a study from the American Psychological Association. Instead, we need to ask "What is value?" Would you, or the other party, be able to benefit without you speaking up? Remember: If you have nothing helpful to say, it's sometimes better to say nothing at all.
7. You follow the T-H-I-N-K acronym
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- T: Is what I’m saying true?
- H: Are my words helpful?
- I: Am I being inspirational in any way?
- N: Is this necessary to say?
- K: Am I being kind?
Even though many of the examples above involve another person, at the root of each is a personal fear: If you speak the truth and reveal who you truly are and what you believe and stand for, then what?
The bigger question is: What happens if you don’t speak up? If you choose not to be honest? If you haven’t been totally honest, it may be difficult to find the words to speak up initially, but once you do, honesty and living your life with integrity will become the only way you will accept to live. If you don’t speak up for yourself, who will?
Jan L. Bowen is an author, coach, keynote speaker, thought leader, and facilitator with over 25 years of successful corporate leadership, specializing in helping individuals find their balance.
