Good Husbands Often Do 11 'Harmless' Things That Make Their Wives Feel Very Alone

Loneliness and isolation between partners in a relationship typically start where expectations go unmet, at least according to a study from Behavioral Sciences. When a partner expects something from the other, whether they’ve communicated that need or not, they are more disappointed and resentful when they don’t receive it.

From overlooking physical touch in public to making plans without immediately communicating them to their partner, good husbands often do harmless things that make their wives feel very alone. Even when they’re unintentional or made with good intentions, they still have the power to drive couples apart, especially without the coping or communication skills needed to thrive.

Good husbands often do 11 harmless things that make their wives feel very alone

1. Acting 'fine' all the time

man who's acting fine looking at his wife in public Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock

While men have often been taught by society from a young age to suppress their emotions, avoid vulnerability, and protect their misguided sense of “masculinity” by being emotionally cold, these behaviors often sabotage their adult relationships and well-being.

Not only do they tend to spark personally isolating mental health struggles, but they also tend to lower relationship satisfaction and closeness, according to a 2022 study. Good husbands may withhold their emotions from vulnerable conversations to “protect” their wives, but it only ends up leaving them both feeling more alone.

2. Not listening

man not listening to his wife at home ChameleonsEye | Shutterstock

Whether they’re zoned out watching TV or getting distracted by work, not listening is one of the harmless things good husbands do that make their wives feel very alone. Feeling heard isn’t just foundational for healthy communication — it lies at the heart of closeness, understanding, and connection for intimate partners.

When someone is on their phone, working on a laptop, or simply zoning out without intentional listening strategies, they may not be intentionally malicious behaviors, but they make a wife feel isolated and alone.

3. Minimizing her feelings

man looking at his wife and minimizing her feelings PeopleImages | Shutterstock

While dismissing or minimizing a partner’s feelings tends to have severe consequences, the behaviors that do so are often unsuspecting and seemingly harmless. From offering unsolicited advice when a partner is expressing emotions to trying to “fix” something their partner is simply feeling, good husbands often do these harmless things that make their wives feel very alone.

Not only do couples who regularly dismiss and invalidate each other's opinions and emotions have more negative conflict, they’re also often more disconnected from each other and have less trust at the heart of their relationship.

4. Spending too much time on their phones

man spending too much time on his phone Lazy_Bear | Shutterstock

While our phones are often an inevitable facet of life and impossible to ignore throughout the day, setting boundaries with them for the sake of quality time and attention with a partner is essential.

Not only does a partner who over-prioritizes their phone make their partner feel unheard, alone, and disconnected, but they also spark resentment when it becomes a pattern. Even having their phone in sight when they’re trying to have a conversation is one of the harmless things good husbands do that make their wives feel very alone.

5. Avoiding vulnerability

husband avoiding vulnerability and talking to his wife Face Stock | Shutterstock

Even if they’re not actively sharing emotions, being available to listen to their partners and indulge in vulnerable conversations is essential for partnerships. According to a study from Ageing & Society, men may not turn to other relationships, like friends and family, to express these emotions, either, so indulging them at home and making space for vulnerability is that much more important.

Conversations in a marriage can be occasionally superficial, focusing on logistics and aspects of a shared life together, but they should never stay that way for long. Vulnerability, emotional connection, and closeness are the keys to fending off loneliness.

6. Expecting her to do emotional labor

man sitting with his wife expecting her to do emotional labor fast-stock | Shutterstock

From regulating arguments to addressing a partner’s emotions for them, women tend to take on the majority of burdens with emotional labor compared to their male partners. While some women are happy to take on these added responsibilities for their partner’s comfort, others are quickly drained by these innate expectations and standards.

Good husbands often expect this emotional labor harmlessly in their relationships, not understanding that it isolates their wives. Even if it’s not explicitly communicated every day, there should always be a balance of responsibilities between partners.

7. Avoiding conflict

man avoiding conflict with his wife Chay_Tee | Shutterstock

Even if it seems like it’s “keeping the peace” or protecting his wife from frustration, avoiding conflict, withdrawing after arguments, and suppressing concerns instead of expressing them only creates more resentment and disconnect.

It seems counterintuitive, but sometimes, it’s the couples who argue the most, healthily and openly, who actually boast healthier and happier lives.

Good husbands often do these harmless things unknowingly, trying to self-soothe or “safeguard” the peace at home, even if it only adds to their suppressed concerns and the resentment that disconnects them from each other.

8. Underestimating her intuition

man looking at his wife underestimating her intuition simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock

According to psychiatrist Judith Orloff, women’s brains are naturally wired for fast, intuitive decision-making and critical thinking compared to their male counterparts. They know how to trust their gut instincts and guide themselves through life with a subconscious sense of stability.

When their husbands invalidate their decisions or dismiss their intuition, they’re often left alone with their internal instincts. Whether it’s a bad vibe about a new friend or a decision about finances, women who don’t feel heard and respected for their opinions are likely to feel disconnected on other levels in their relationships as well.

9. Believing hard work is enough

man believing hard work is enough ignoring upset wife Stokkete | Shutterstock

While it’s true that relationships often take work, effort, and consistency, believing that being a “provider” from a financial standpoint is enough to be endlessly happy and healthy is wildly misguided.

However, many men believe that their only role in a relationship is to provide for the family, but without the added emotional layer of intimacy, wives can feel alone and isolated.

If maintaining a secure job and bringing in a consistent income is truly important, men would put more effort and care into their relationships. According to psychology professor Gary W. Lewandowski, the more work people put into their relationships, the happier and more successful they are in the workplace.

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10. Downplaying relationship issues

man downplaying relationship issues with his wife fizkes | Shutterstock

When a man says “everything is fine” or speaks overly positively about the state of a relationship with a woman who’s clearly unhappy, that only further invalidates her efforts to change. If she’s being honest about her concerns, communicating openly, and trying to move the relationship to a better place, but her husband is clinging to his blissful ignorance, of course there’s going to be a layer of resentment.

Imagine spending every day battling disconnection, mistrust, and misunderstandings with a partner, only for them to boast and brag about the state of the relationship with friends. It’s not only disorienting, it’s disappointing, especially if they’re not putting in the work to be better.

11. Being a great dad, but a distant husband

man being a great dad but a distant husband PeopleImages | Shutterstock

Great fathers often put a lot of time, effort, and consistency into showing up for their kids, but showing up for their partner is just as important — not just for the sake of the relationship, but also to craft a healthy model for their children.

If a wife is constantly yearning for more attention and validation from her partner, but watches him only offer it to their kids, chances are she’ll grow resentful and disconnected, not only from her partner, but from her kids, on a subconscious level.

Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.