11 Odd Habits Of People With Actual Depth That Average People Just Don’t Get
Deep people are on a different wavelength from those who are more shallow.
andrea_bartolomei / shutterstock Have you ever had a conversation with someone who came off as ridiculously shallow? They’re often judgmental and self-absorbed. It can be hard to discuss anything important with them, as they are more concerned about themselves. For those who are deep thinkers, it can be nearly impossible to connect with these kinds of people.
“Humans innately have a great deal of depth, and what’s amazing about our species is that we have the ability to reflect upon the contents of this depth and to be with it without acting on anything. The course of our life, however, determines whether or not we learned to access this depth and to see this activity as something that is helpful in enhancing our lives,” says Dr. Tak-Seng Lodrö of Wakeful Psychological and Consulting Services. When people tap into their depth, their behavior will come across as odd to the average person.
Here are 11 odd habits of people with actual depth that average people just don’t get
1. They love being alone
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Those who have actual depth don’t feel lonely when they are alone. In fact, they thrive in it. They are comfortable in their own company. They use their time wisely and love to deep dive into their hobbies. They are happy with who they are and do not rely on other people to feed their egos.
Unlike people who are more shallow, those who have depth are not seeking validation from those around them. They are confident in who they are, and it allows them to value their alone time. They would likely rather cuddle up on the couch with a good book and a cup of tea than go out.
2. Small talk drives them up the wall
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We’ve all been there. Whether it’s at the store, talking to a cashier, or casually catching up with someone we don’t know well. Having small talk can be painful. For those who are actually deep, it is downright infuriating. They need to have conversations that matter, and a simple ‘can you believe this weather?’ will not cut it.
People with depth would rather have important conversations with the people they are close to than small talk with strangers.
“The problem, of course, is that small talk precedes big talk in the normal course of human affairs. Most people feel the need to get comfortable with one another before they jump into the deep end of serious conversation or ongoing friendship,” says David Roberts, a contributor for Vox. “Which means if you hate and avoid small talk, you are also, as a practical matter, cutting yourself off from lots of meaningful social interaction, which is a bummer.”
3. They live in organized chaos
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We all know someone who is messy. Maybe we are that person. However, they don’t feel overwhelmed by their mess. They know exactly where everything is. People who have actual depth don’t mind living in organized chaos.
A study conducted by the University of Minnesota found that the messier the desk, the more creative a person is. After conducting three experiments, researchers found something interesting.
“Kathleen Vohs, PhD, of the University of Minnesota Carlson School of Management, found that working in a tidy room encourages people to do socially responsible, normatively "good" things like eat healthfully and give to charity. But working in a messy room seems to help them try new things and come up with creative ideas," the authors of the study noted.
People who are deeply in love tap into their creative side and thrive in a room of organized chaos.
4. They are always asking questions
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The gears in a deep person’s mind are constantly turning. They want to learn everything they can from every situation. They’ll ask questions to make sure they fully grasp the topic. It allows them to take in information that they can use to think about later, or bring up in deep conversations. They want to learn all they can.
Asking questions doesn’t extend only to situations where they want to learn. When someone with depth is having a conversation with someone, they ask questions to show they are listening. They want you to open up to them. What you’re saying matters, and they want to make sure you know it.
5. They can be indecisive
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Making decisions doesn’t come easily to those who are actually deep. They are constantly weighing the pros and cons of everything. It doesn’t matter how big or small the situation is. From picking the right laundry detergent at the store to picking their career, everything requires extra thought from someone who is deep.
“Indecisive people often go to great lengths to create a situation where they never put their decision-making abilities to test, often claiming they simply forgot (“I never got around to looking into all the choices I had”) and relying on and passing the buck to others to make that final important decision,” says Deacon Joseph Ferrari, Ph.D. While this can be a fault, those with depth are often too busy overthinking a situation, making it difficult to make a decision.
6. They are great listeners
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It is special to have a conversation with someone who is truly listening to everything you say. It makes you feel like what you’re saying matters. For those who have actual depth, listening to others comes naturally for them. They’ll always allow you space to talk, and they will often ask questions to keep the conversation going and allow you to dive more into the topic.
“It is important that we listen to what people say and properly offer our impressions in a manner that establishes trust. This requires that the listener be aware of their own experiences and how they are or are not similar to the speaker’s,” says Shoba Sreenivasan, Ph.D., and Linda E. Weinberger, Ph.D. “People differ in their attitudes and beliefs. Recognizing differences and being willing to look at issues in a different way than one is familiar with or accepting of is essential in establishing trust. Effective listening requires trust that stems from ‘openness’.”
7. They have a unique sense of humor
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Those who are more shallow do not always understand the sense of humor that comes from people who have depth. Their jokes can be complex. They may be more cerebral, thinking through something before they try to make light of it. They can also be harder to make laugh. Surface-level humor does not do it for them.
There is a link between humor and intelligence. People with depth tend to be smart, and it can impact their unique sense of humor.
“Not only do funny people make other people laugh, they also laugh more themselves,” says Lowri Dowthwaite of the World Economic Forum. “And neurobiology shows that laughter leads to brain changes, which may explain the link between humor and intelligence.”
8. Other people’s emotions don’t bother them
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Have you ever had a conversation with someone where an overflow of emotions has come out? I know with my closest friends, sometimes talking to them can open a can of emotional worms. There are only a few people I am comfortable crying around, and I have found that all of them are rather deep individuals.
When someone has actual depth, the emotions of other people do not scare them. They will instead provide comfort and solid listening. Those who are more shallow can’t handle it if someone starts crying or acting out in front of them. People with depth hear them out and provide comfort.
9. They are always in their heads
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People who are deep are always in their own heads. They are constantly thinking. Sometimes, this can be a fault, as they are prone to overthinking. However, overthinking isn’t always a bad thing. For deep thinkers, their thought process can be powerful.
“Your depth is not a flaw. It’s a form of wisdom. In a world that often rushes past nuance, your ability to pause, reflect, and understand is a gift,” writes Carolyn Cole, MA, LCPC, for PeoplePsych. “Deep thinking doesn’t make you slow or indecisive. It makes you thoughtful, grounded, and intentional.”
10. They are observant
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When someone has actual depth, they never miss anything that’s going on around them. Those with a more shallow mindset are often oblivious to the world around them. They are too focused on themselves and their feelings. Watching someone with true depth take in the world around them can be confusing for them. They won’t understand why they care so much.
Being observant allows deep thinkers to connect with those around them. They’ll often pick up on the emotions of others around them. It allows them to be a better friend. It can also keep them safe. Deep people are always aware of their surroundings, observing anything that could be a possible danger to them. Shallow people are often in their own world.
11. Being wrong doesn't scare them
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Shallow people hate to be wrong. They are always looking for someone else to blame for their choices. When they have someone in their life with actual depth, they are often surprised by their ability to accept when they are wrong. Deep people are always looking for ways to better themselves and have no issue accepting their faults and apologizing.
“No one enjoys being wrong. It’s an unpleasant emotional experience for all of us. The question is how do we respond when it turns out we were wrong—when there wasn’t enough milk left for coffee, when we hit traffic and missed the flight, or when we find out the man who sat in jail for five years based on our identification was innocent all along?” says Guy Winch, Ph.D. “Some of us admit we were wrong and say, ‘Oops, you were right. We should have gotten more milk.’”
Those with depth fall into this category. They are open to admitting their faults because their ego isn’t fragile. They don’t always have to be right.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
