11 Unintentional Things That Destroy Marriages Faster Than Cheating
They may seem innocent on the surface, but they have impactful consequences.
Goksi | Shutterstock Even subtle things, like casual conversations after work, "keeping the peace" by avoiding an argument, or forgetting to say "thank you," can be detrimental to a relationship's long-term health, longevity, and happiness. In fact, many of the unintentional things that destroy marriages faster than cheating seem innocent in the moment, but end up sparking tension and resentment between partners that becomes impossible to ignore.
The more you suppress complex feelings, avoid conflict, and "protect" your relationship from discomfort, the more unequipped you become to deal with the inevitable emotional outbursts and confrontation on their way. And your relationship will suffer because of it.
Here are 11 unintentional things that destroy marriages faster than cheating
1. Overusing phones
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Whether it's partners avoiding conflict by distracting themselves with their phones or leaning into mindless entertainment over quality time together, this inanimate object destroys marriages faster than cheating. Not only does its mere presence tend to cause disconnection and distraction, but it also often makes partners feel unheard when it's prioritized in social interactions and vulnerable conversations.
Especially when one or both partners struggle with depression or an anxious attachment style, like a study from Computers in Human Behavior explains, overusing cellphones can exacerbate strains and tension in relationships.
2. Talking negatively about a partner
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While in-person conversations and conflict resolution strategies between partners are often a huge indicator of relationship satisfaction, the interactions partners have about their relationships behind their spouse's back can also be incredibly influential.
Whether it's complaining about a partner constantly to friends and family or talking negatively about them behind their back, it's this kind of subtle betrayal that's one of the unintentional things that destroy marriages faster than cheating.
Of course, most partners don't realize that these seemingly innocent conversations hurt their relationships, but when their complaints reach their spouse's ears or get taken out of context, they can diminish trust and feelings of respect.
3. Using sarcasm
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While most partners in relationships believe they can "get away" with teasing, according to psychology professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne, one study from the Canadian Journal of Experimental Psychology suggests that sarcasm can sometimes take on aggressive or resentful undertones if used constantly in a relationship.
Especially if couples are opting for this sarcastic lingo over any kind of vulnerable or emotional language, it can quickly become a vessel for them to express their concerns and frustration, over funny jokes and lighthearted teasing.
4. Only talking about logistics
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While couples can't avoid talking about logistics on an everyday basis — from household chores to picking up the kids — avoiding quality time and having only these conversations can lead to disconnection. Of course, some days will be busy and quality time will be harder to prioritize, but if all your conversations and interactions revolve around logistics, chances are you'll feel more like roommates than life partners.
Many of the unintentional things that destroy marriages faster than cheating are fine and healthy on their own, but when couples lack intimacy, have poor communication skills, or set vague boundaries, they can become a problem.
5. Forgetting gratitude
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Even when a couple's schedules get busy and a lot is going on, it's possible to make time for gratitude. Not only does it bond partners closer together, it also prompts better relationship and life satisfaction for everyone involved.
From forgetting to say "thank you" for small tasks to overlooking the importance of active listening at home, these are some of the unintentional things that destroy marriage faster than cheating.
6. Expecting a partner to read minds
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While there are certainly things that a partner should be able to notice about their spouse if they're paying attention, like feeling overly stressed and overwhelmed, expecting them to be mind readers all the time is unrealistic and unhealthy. Not only is it one of the unintentional things that destroys marriages faster than cheating, but it also sparks resentment when needs go consistently unmet.
Intentionality and responsiveness are all incredibly important facets of a healthy relationship, but without open communication and healthy expectations for expressing needs, each partner is bound to feel less heard and appreciated.
7. Bringing up past mistakes
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When we're hurt or in the heat of a moment with a partner, it's easy to bring up old mistakes and frustrations to prove a point or a pattern. However, when you consistently "forgive" a partner, only to weaponize their insecurities or mistakes down the road, you're sabotaging the foundation of trust and respect you share for each other.
Like a study from the Journal of Family Psychology explains, forgiveness can often boost relationship satisfaction between partners, but only if it's genuine — not simply performative, ready to be taken back when their feelings get hurt.
8. Trying to 'keep the peace'
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Whether it's people-pleasing behaviors that encourage one partner's needs to go consistently unacknowledged or a general avoidance of conflict to "keep the peace," these are some of the unintentional things that destroy marriages faster than cheating.
While steering clear of frustrating arguments and conflict may seem like the perfect way to mend a marriage on the surface, it's actually couples who practice conflict-resolution and navigate arguments who end up being stronger, healthier, and happier in the long run.
9. Following traditional roles
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While traditional gender roles and relationship structures can be healthy and accommodating for couples when they're chosen from an empowered perspective, adopting them without healthy communication or reciprocity can stir resentment and tension.
Especially if one partner is taking on the majority of household, emotional, and cognitive labor, burnout and emotional exhaustion in their routines can quickly sabotage a relationship. That's why traditional roles — often founded on the principle that women take on more household work, men avoid vulnerability and reciprocity, and relationships work from a logistical standpoint — are often more toxic than they seem without openness.
10. Comparing the relationship to others
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Comparing your relationship to other people's is one of the unintentional things that destroy marriages faster than cheating.
According to a study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, even the most subtle relationship comparisons can negatively affect both personal well-being and relationship health. Even small things, like comparing an outfit to your partner's or a honeymoon trip, can have long-term consequences on trust, self-esteem, and longevity.
11. Not discussing real concerns
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Similar to avoiding conflicts and arguments, keeping concerns and frustrations to yourself can quickly sabotage the well-being of a relationship, even if they seem subtle and innocent in the moment.
The more they continue to happen and the more emotional suppression you do, the stronger resentment grows. From a frustration over unbalanced household labor to feeling unheard during "quality time" at night, there's nothing too small or subtle to bring up in a conversation with a truly loving partner.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
