11 Quiet Phrases A Wife Says When She's Secretly Done With Her Marriage
This is how you know you're losing her.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock When a relationship begins to falter, wives give subtle hints to their husbands that show that they're slowly detaching from the relationship. Men may believe that unless a woman is loud and constantly nagging that she's basically fine with what's happening, but there are quiet phrases a wife says when she's secretly done with her marriage that husbands should really pay attention to if they want any chance of making things work.
Women are more likely than men to file for divorce, and one of the major reasons for this is that they simply grow tired of trying so hard for so long to make things better. After having already confronted you to no avail on multiple occasions, hearing these subtle statements might just indicate that time is closing in on your marriage.
Here are 11 quiet phrases a wife says when she's secretly done with her marriage
1. 'It's fine'
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
This is a phrase that husbands dread to hear because they know that when she claims that something is fine, it really isn't. However, allow me to give a feminine perspective on this when she says something is fine when it isn't. What she really means is that you have let her down in some sort of way, and instead of asking you to fix it out of fear that you will mess it up again, she chooses to take matters into her own hands.
According to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, men often misinterpret their partners' expressions of love and affection. Men will hear their wives tell them something is fine and get confused or frustrated when it's not, because they can't read their wives' minds. This type of misinterpretation can cause a marriage to break down. The best way to handle this is to ask her directly while also maintaining yourself and stating to her that you won't stand for a lack of communication.
2. 'Do whatever you want'
Prostock-studio | Shutterstock
When your wife tells you to do whatever you want, then don't listen to her and just do the opposite of what she tells you to do. This is a classic trap that breaks marriages down. What she is essentially doing is testing the waters to see what you would rather do. If she still cares about the marriage, she will have a negative reaction, like frustration or disappointment, but if she doesn't care anymore, then she will be indifferent to what you do.
Neither is good in this situation, but what you can do is tell her that you don't want to do anything that she isn't comfortable with. Doing things to spite her or make her insecure or bitter is not a smart thing to do. The more you provoke her by doing things that you know she wouldn't approve of and then running to tell her about them, the more you set your marriage up for disaster.
3. 'I'm just tired'
fizkes | Shutterstock
If she says this, not only does she feel like she is in the trenches, but so are you. A wife who proclaims to be tired of the marriage is emotionally exhausted at the constant miscommunication and conflicts that the two of you are going through. She has no energy left for it, and if you don't ease her suffering, then a trial separation is the only option she has left. According to the American Sociological Association, 69% of divorces are initiated by women.
Men are not conditioned in the same way that women are to deal with marriage or relationships. Women are often taught how to be self-sufficient in a household to prepare them to raise families, while men are simply taught to provide for them through work. The feminist movement redefined a wife's role from a dependent woman on her husband to a woman who can do it all, which includes motherhood, a career, and being a domestic wife all in one.
4. 'You wouldn't understand'
Mladen Mitrinovic | Shutterstock
When a woman doesn't feel safe enough to tell you what is going on in her life, then that could be a sign that things in your relationship are not going as well as you think they are. When you know something is wrong, but she tells you that she doesn't feel like you would understand what she is going through, it could be for different reasons. She may feel emotionally disconnected from you or unsupported by you. If this is the case, then simply talking it out with her might help.
She could be struggling to articulate something complex or painful in her mind. A study published in Psychoneuroendocrinology found that women often bear a greater emotional toll from negative marital interactions than men do. This is because they are more reliant on interpersonal relationships, which makes conflicts tougher for them to navigate. Sometimes it's not about understanding but about making her feel heard. The best thing you can do is open the door for her to come share her feelings with you whenever she is ready.
5. 'I don't want to fight about it'
fizkes | Shutterstock
A wife will try to avoid conflict when she has exhausted all other avenues in the marriage. Counseling, giving chances, or even changing her behaviors didn't work, so she is simply giving up on everything, including arguing. It's her way of setting boundaries with you and saying that she no longer wants any more stressors in her life. While this is a great way to protect yourself from toxicity in a marriage, if you are doing it as a punishment to your partner, then it could be considered immature.
As Gary W. Lewandowski Jr., Ph.D., explains, engaging in constructive disagreements with your partner can help you better understand them and strengthen your relationship as well. Conflict in relationships shouldn't be avoided but rather dealt with more, as it lets both people grow as individuals. Shutting down the conversations serves no one, especially when one spouse is trying desperately for the other to hear where they are coming from.
6. 'It doesn't matter anymore'
Nicoleta Ionescu | Shutterstock
When a wife gets to the point where she is stating to her husband that nothing matters anymore to her, it's often because he has emotionally exhausted her to the point where she no longer cares about anything. Her detachment is visibly showing after years of trying to vocalize her frustrations. Modern-day wives juggle child-rearing, household responsibilities, work, and a marriage all at the same time. A study published by BMC Women's Health found that women are more prone to marital burnout due to the multiplicity of tasks they manage, and that effective communication can reduce it.
What you can do is learn how to read the room and not try to overwhelm her. Remember that more communication is always better, even if it feels hard or one party is not cooperating. The two of you owe it to yourselves to try every way possible to mend the relationship or come to a compromise that benefits both parties. Let her lead if that is her issue, and see if things change.
7. 'I'll take care of it'
Kateryna Onyshchuk | Shutterstock
Every man has been in the position of being told by his wife to do something simple, like putting together a piece of furniture that she had ordered, only for her to say she will do it instead. To her, you took too long to get to it, and now the responsibility lies on her shoulders, but to you, building a small dresser is not a priority.
According to a Gallup poll, women spend more time on unpaid household tasks than men, with the highest being making decisions about furniture and decorations at 62%. With this in mind, husbands should try to understand that there are certain things women can't or don't want to do because the task is physically too demanding. To allow your wife to do a task or chore after she asked you to pitch in can break a marriage down slowly. Also, did you ever think that maybe she finds it attractive when you build something with your tools?
8. 'I forgot to tell you'
PeopleImages.com - Yuri A | Shutterstock
A wife forgetting to tell you that your marriage is on the rocks shows that there is barely any emotional connection left. If she begins to tell you extremely important things at the last minute, then it shows she doesn't care about fixing things anymore. Avoidance means she has checked out mentally, and this could mean she no longer sees your connection as a priority. This phenomenon is known as emotional divorce, where one partner has mentally checked out and stays for monetary or personal reasons.
According to a study from Saudi Arabia, approximately 78% of married women experienced emotional divorce, which was characterized by feelings like being obligated to stay together for the sake of children. People will often stay in an unhappy marriage and sit with the fact that it is just how things are going to be from now on. They accept that this is their new reality and make do with what they get. However, communication and emotional empathy are crucial for maintaining a marriage, regardless of whether you are emotionally engaged or not.
9. 'You're right'
fizkes | Shutterstock
You may think that when she admits that you are right, that you guys are in a good place, but really analyze the way she says it. Her tone can tell you everything you need to know. If she says it sarcastically, then she is irritated by the way you think, but if she says it with indifference, then it may be that she simply doesn't want to argue with you anymore.
A wife being indifferent to your behaviors means she's heading out the door pretty soon, and you don't have a chance of getting her back once she does. The more a woman is willing to give you everything that you want during a separation should alarm you. It shows that she would rather give you everything just to maintain her peace and permanently write you out of her life.
10. 'I don't care'
syedfahadghazanfar | Shutterstock
When your wife tells you she doesn't care what you do, or frankly, what the outcome of the relationship's future might be, then she is mentally gone. Saying that she doesn't care opens the door for you to ask her why she doesn't care. You may think that saying that you don't care means that you secretly do, but it's just a minor step closer to indifference.
Being lonely is directly tied to feeling indifferent in a relationship. A study from Canada found that having an empty shell marriage with disengagement and indifference leads to feelings of emotional loneliness. The only way to fix this is to improve your intimacy by bonding with each other more. Communicating might seem counterintuitive, but it has proven to help couples out of some rough patches.
11. Nothing at all
fizkes | Shutterstock
Here's the major one that men need to pay attention to. If your wife says nothing at all and goes silent, then that is the end of your marriage. A woman who doesn't nag, fuss, or bother talking at all is officially done with you, and her physical presence will go along with her as well. She doesn't care past this point about what you say or what you do, and chances are, she probably has already made plans to move ahead with her life.
She probably already has a new place for herself where she doesn't plan on telling you where she is going. She doesn't feel the need to include you anymore, especially when she makes major decisions. It doesn't matter if the two of you were married. That bond was shattered the moment she closed her mouth after not seeing your behavior change.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author who has over a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She covers self-help, relationships, culture, and human interest topics.
