People Who Are Secretly Ashamed Of Their Jobs Almost Always Say These 11 Things To Their Friends
They're not fooling anyone, just so we’re clear.
Ilona Kozhevnikova / Shutterstock Most of us have met people who have the type of enviable jobs that others make movies about. We’ve also seen people who aren’t in that position, but instead work at the type of jobs that make people wince, or worse, make others warn their kids that they “could end up like that” if they don’t go to school.
People who are ashamed of their jobs are more common than you think, and they almost always say things to their friends in an effort to hide how they feel. While they may try to hide it, if you hear these phrases, they’re likely low-key ashamed of what they do for a living.
People who are secretly ashamed of their jobs almost always say these 11 things to their friends
1. ‘I'd rather not talk about work right now’
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The easiest way to see if a person’s embarrassed by their job is to see what happens when you try to talk about work. If they regularly avoid the conversation, they likely are embarrassed about it.
That, or they have an NDA about what they do that makes it hard for them to actually discuss work.
2. ‘What I do for work doesn’t have any bearing on what I believe as a person’
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If a person has (or had) a job that involves serious moral or ethical questionability, chances are they have struggled with what they did for work. They often make a point of saying something that quietly excuses what they did for work, rather than their own beliefs.
This is one of the ways that people in bad groups assuage the cognitive dissonance they experience. Speaking of…
3. ‘I just follow orders’
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We might as well talk about the Nuremberg Defense. This is the defense many of Hitler’s top people said when they were put on trial at Nuremberg. It was a final defense that tried to absolve others of guilt and shame.
This defense didn’t work in court. It also doesn’t seem to work long-term for those who are embarrassed by their past actions.
4. ‘I work as a [euphemism]’
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Just like a person in sales might say they work in “business development,” or a person in retail may say they’re a “managerial trainee,” people who are embarrassed by their roles often will have a euphemism they use to hide what they do.
Euphemisms and nice little title upgrades are simple ways to hide what you do, or at least make them more important-sounding to the untrained ear.
5. ‘Your job isn’t that great, either'
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Another classic way of dealing with shame is to redirect a person’s accusation to them, putting them on the defensive. People who tend to put down other people’s titles or jobs tend to be the ones who are ashamed of their own stuff.
If someone regularly makes fun of your career path, then make no mistake about it: they likely feel intimidated by your job. It’s the classic reason why people bully.
6. ‘My family would never have let me do that for a job!’
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Many people feel embarrassed because they didn’t take “the path less traveled” in terms of their career. They may end up wondering what could have been if they had tried to be a rock star or a DJ.
People who do this often end up wondering what could have been, often to the people who chose that path and succeeded. This is the type of commentary they end up saying, that their family would never have allowed that.
7. ‘Must be nice having such an easy job…’
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In certain American subcultures, there’s a particular appreciation for hard work. It often reaches a point where hard work is glorified as a sort of martyrdom. Despite that, there’s still that feeling of shame and jealousy that can come with “not working smart.”
People are getting more or less used to feeling like they were fed a lie about hard work. This can make some folks feel ashamed that they didn’t go that same “smart” path. It can often come out in snide remarks about how “easy you have it.”
8. ‘I wish but I can't afford that’
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If there’s one thing that makes most people feel ashamed, it’s when their jobs don’t pay enough to make ends meet. Those of us who are the “low-paid” ones of a group of friends often feel the need to prove that we’ve made it too.
Sadly, most of us who try to hide that will buy things they can’t afford to keep up appearances. Peer pressure is a main driver of consumerism, after all. The best thing you can do for a friend is to simply offer cheaper outings (or even offer to pay) if you get the feeling that they’re strained.
9. ‘I wish I had a job like yours’
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Sometimes, if your friend really trusts you won’t react negatively, they may actually tell you that they want your job. In many cases, it’s not said as a result of envy or jealousy. It’s said because they are happy you have one, but they feel sad that they didn’t take that career route.
Offering a leg up can be a wise decision, but that’s up to you to decide. Not everyone should get a job referral, especially if it could sour a friendship.
10. ‘I don't talk about work on the weekend’
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We started off this list with an explanation as to how people might deflect talking about what they do for a living. The truth is that talking about work can make their shame flare up, even when it’s about your work.
If they keep asking you to knock off the work talk, it can be two things. They’re either bored with hearing about what you’re doing for a living, or it’s making them feel bad about what they do.
11. ‘My job isn’t who I am’
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Finally, let’s close this list with another easy sign. We often associate work with a person's identity. I mean, we spend a huge chunk of our lives working, right? People who are embarrassed by their jobs often drive home that they’re not just a job.
It’s the same line you might hear from someone famous, but for different reasons. While famous people want to be treated like a regular person, those who are ashamed of their stigmatized jobs often just want to be treated as a person who doesn’t do their job. The end result is the same: distancing themselves.
Ossiana Tepfenhart is a writer whose work has been featured in Yahoo, BRIDES, Your Daily Dish, Newtheory Magazine, and others.
