11 Things Only Actual High IQ People Find Emotionally Exhausting
People with a high IQ yearn for deeper connections and effort.
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock Considering they are inherently deep thinkers and socially aware individuals, it’s not surprising that people with high IQs tend to grapple with pessimism and a number of other psychological struggles, such as depression, anxiety, and loneliness. Despite cultivating emotional intelligence and self-awareness to a greater extent than their average IQ counterparts, intelligent people often feel drained, misunderstood, and pressured in their daily lives.
Many of the things only actual high IQ people find emotionally exhausting are subtle daily events and interactions, like talking with grocery store clerks and navigating unnecessarily long meetings at work. They may be critical thinkers who are self-assured and quick-witted, but when it comes to truly connecting with people and feeling recharged, there are certain struggles that are typically more tiring for them than they are for others.
Here are 11 things only actual high IQ people find emotionally exhausting
1. Small talk
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Considering that many intelligent people with high IQs tend to yearn for deeper connections and more meaningful conversations, it’s not surprising that small talk and superficiality are among the things they find emotionally exhausting. Research suggests that people with high IQs feel drained after small talk because of a lack of stimulation. Their brains crave depth, connection, and meaning.
According to psycholinguistics researcher Martina Cola, routine conversations and shallow people are less capable of fulfilling people with high IQs who prefer deep conversations and relationships, so they prefer to avoid them when they can. So, whether it’s networking with professional peers or making small talk in the grocery store, these interactions are some of the things intelligent people secretly hate.
2. Being the ‘smart friend’
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Whether they’re the therapist of their friend group or the smart friend tasked with solving other people’s problems and the issues at hand, being the only person capable of reliability is one of the things only actual high IQ people find emotionally exhausting. Many of these intelligent people have spent their entire lives held to high expectations and standards in the classroom, while navigating life at home with their parents, and even entering the job market to pursue a professional career. While some of these expectations, and of course, the work required to meet them, can prove prideful and fulfilling, many of them were unrealistic, pushing high IQ people into a cycle of disappointment, shame, and burnout.
In their personal relationships and professional careers as adults, it’s now exhausting to be put in situations where perfectionism seems like the only option. Sometimes, like everyone else, regardless of their intellect, they want to sit back and contribute to conversations without feeling the weight of responsibility entirely on their shoulders.
3. Inefficiency
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According to psychologist Leon F Seltzer, many high IQ people struggle to avoid correcting people in conversations and pointing out inefficiencies in their daily routine. While the resentment and isolation these behaviors spark are often part of the reason why they feel more emotionally exhausted, simply engaging in an exercise that lacks productivity, intention, or efficiency itself can also be draining.
This knowledge and their tendencies toward deeper thinking are part of the reason why people with high IQs have a higher risk for mood, anxiety, and mental health disorders. They’re constantly peeking behind the veil at things that the average IQ person doesn’t notice, whether it’s noticing inefficiencies in their job, recognizing patterns of toxic behaviors in their relationships, or simply feeling burdened by the lack of responsibility other people take in their daily lives. And it’s exhausting.
4. Feeling misunderstood
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Feeling consistently misunderstood is sadly a common experience for people with high IQs, despite yearning for deep connections and meaningful relationships. According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, people who feel misunderstood in their daily lives tend to have heightened levels of stress, largely due to heightened cortisol levels in the body, more life dissatisfaction, and less motivation.
So, even though high IQ people may have better social skills and the emotional intelligence foundation to craft healthy relationships, actually finding a match in someone who is equipped with similar skills and interests to build these meaningful connections is a harder feat. They’re consistently left feeling misunderstood in conversations with average IQ people and occasionally even battling loneliness as a result of struggling to make friends and find potential partners.
5. Chronic complainers
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While self-discipline tends to outweigh intelligence and IQ in predicting success, like a study published in the Psychological Science journal suggests, many high IQ people thrive because they have both. They are equipped with the skills to maintain healthy habits, reflect on unhealthy ones, and make changes in their lives when they need to.
However, being around constant complainers who refuse to make changes and blame others for their own shortcomings is one of the things that only genuinely high-IQ people find emotionally exhausting. It’s not just time-consuming, but it also tends to spark negativity that promotes more stress, anxiety, and resentment in relationships.
So, it’s not judgment and egocentric mentalities that fuel a high IQ person’s annoyance in the face of complaining, but a true personal lack of emotional stimulation. They’d prefer to speak to people who take accountability for their actions, have the emotional intelligence necessary to contribute to healthy conversations, and take action to better themselves and their relationships.
6. Conformity
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Whether it’s a workplace, classroom, or personal relationship, environments that push high IQ people into rigid boxes and conformist attitudes tend to be emotionally draining. According to a study published in the Evolution and Human Behavior journal, the average person is more likely to adopt groupthink mentalities and go along with what everyone else thinks in a social situation, even if they have differing opinions or perspectives.
However, people with high IQs aren’t afraid to stray away from the norm, instead preferring to spark insightful conversation by playing the Devil’s Advocate and confronting misguided views. Conformity is restrictive to them, pushing them away from the deep thinking, collaboration, and free-spirit energy that energizes them emotionally and socially.
7. Feeling pressure to ‘prove’ their intellect
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Many people with high IQs struggle with perfectionism and crafting unrealistic goals because they’ve been pressured to prove their intellect in various aspects of their lives. Being intelligent, embracing critical thinking, and enjoying curiosity may also be intertwined into their personality, so showing it off and proving it to others is more personal than people realize.
According to a study published in Frontiers in Evolutionary Neuroscience, that’s part of the reason highly intelligent people tend to adopt higher rates of worry, overthinking tendencies, and anxiety. They’re constantly feeling emotionally drained by the cycle of perfectionism, but can’t seem to break free from societal and social pressures to showcase their intellectual worth and competency.
8. Being overstimulated
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According to a study from Northwestern University, people with misophonia, who are more sensitive and often have highly emotional reactions to everyday sounds, tend to be more curious and creatively inclined. Considering people with high IQs also exhibit curiosity and general creativity in their daily lives, they also often struggle with similar patterns of overstimulation, even with their emotional regulation skills.
Whether it’s someone speaking unnecessarily loudly in public, tapping on their keyboard, or revving a car engine on the street, there are certain sounds and sensations that make intelligent people irrationally angry, upset, and drained.
9. Overconfidence
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Overconfidence and misguided egocentric behavior are some of the things that only actual high IQ people find emotionally exhausting. They are often humble about their intelligence and skills, proving them with actions instead of words, so being around someone whose bragging, flaunting, and overindulgence is part of their identity is draining.
Although studies like one published in the Journal of Behavioral and Experimental Economics reveal that overconfident people actually tend to overestimate their skills because they lack the competency and confidence they need to meet their goals and succeed, that doesn’t take away from the emotional drain truly high IQ people still experience in their presence.
10. Suppressing emotions
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Especially in public spaces, being pressured to sanitize their identity, suppress their emotions, and filter their personality are some of the things that only actual high IQ people find emotionally exhausting. They not only feel dismissed when they’re forced to appease others at the expense of their own authenticity, but they also feel invalidated.
Like a study from the Anxiety, Stress, & Coping journal shows, being consistently invalidated in everyday lives puts people at risk for more emotional and physical health struggles than the average person. So, even if it seems like a matter of simply following social norms and protecting other people’s comfort, it can quickly drain them emotionally.
11. Ignorance
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Similar to why high IQ people are drained by overconfidence without true skill, ignorance is one of the things that only actual high IQ people find emotionally exhausting. The blissful ignorance that fuels people lacking intelligence may assist their comfort and general well-being, but for high IQ people drawn to critical thinking and deep thought, it’s frustrating.
They appreciate deep conversations, meaningful connections, and critical thinking beyond the norm, so being around people who are willfully ignorant, not just to worldly events, but to their personal shortcomings, is frustrating.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
