Men Who Have No Friends As They Get Older Usually Have These 11 Reasons
Why so many men end up lonely later in life.
Julia Pavaliuk | Shutterstock In the past, men were told that following a clear path — get a good job, provide for a family, stay steady — would lead to a good life. But that promise hasn't aged well. While life has changed drastically, one thing that's gotten harder for men in particular is friendship. Whether it's the rise of remote work, a culture that discourages emotional vulnerability, or the overwhelming pressure to provide, many men are growing more and more isolated with age.
Men who have no friends as they get older usually have these specific reasons, and most of them aren't about being antisocial. They're about survival, burnout, and unspoken expectations. Whether it was their intention or not, many men find themselves isolated now more than ever before, and it all starts with their friend group, or lack thereof.
Men who have no friends as they get older usually have these 11 reasons:
1. They're secretly struggling with depression or anxiety
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Men who have no friends as they get older usually struggle with depression or anxiety. Many men like to pretend that they're okay and that nothing bothers them. With feign nonchalance and a fake smile, they'll convince everyone around them that they're on top of the world, even if they're struggling internally.
And while this might seem like the best thing to do, faking it until they make it can only get them so far. When depression becomes overbearing and their thoughts are a jumbled mess, it's no surprise that they unintentionally isolate themselves. Whether they realize it or not, this is just a result of their internal struggle.
According to a study published in 2022, there's a "unidirectional relationship between social isolation and depressive symptoms and a bidirectional relationship between loneliness and depressive symptoms." Unfortunately, many men don't seek the professional help they need, causing them to have no friends as they get older.
2. They prioritize work over relationships
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It's understandable why men choose work over relationships. As great as it is to have their best friends by their side, their best friends aren't going to pay their bills at the end of the month. Still, some men struggle to create a work-life balance in their lives, which is why these men have no friends as they get older.
It's not necessarily their fault. While many people can cultivate this balance, oftentimes, this is the result of trial and error or simply having more free time under their belt. Whether men realize it or not, they're more likely to put in overtime hours to make ends meet.
According to a study published in 2023, women were more likely to work part-time to take care of other family obligations. Still, it's so important to make time for those friends, even if it's difficult. From scheduling text messages in advance to meeting up every other Sunday, there are ways to make time for their friends that don't absolutely destroy their schedule in the process.
3. They don't feel safe being emotionally vulnerable with other men
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Sure, male friendships might be great when it comes to bonding over anime or over video games; however, it's all too common for men to feel alone, despite how many friends surround them. While it could be an internal thing, more often than not, men who have no friends as they get older feel as if there's no safe space for emotional vulnerability within male friendships.
It's not that men can't be emotionally vulnerable, but when it boils down to it, many men struggle to say what's on their mind because they fear how their friends will react. Whether it's being dismissive or straight up making fun of them, most men have had experiences in which they were shut down by one of their 'friends.'
However, this isn't shocking, as according to a study published in SSM - Mental Health, men are less likely to talk about emotions or intimate topics. Still, just because it's normal doesn't mean it isn't harmful. As it stands, everyone, including men, needs a friend to depend on during times of need.
4. They're completely burned out
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Most people can admit that life has become super unbearable nowadays. With the rise of costs and needing to work two to three jobs to make ends meet, it's no wonder that men who have no friends as they get older usually are burned out. It's unfortunate, but many men face an unbearable amount of responsibilities.
Whether it's being the sole provider, working and going to college, or trying to build their own careers and businesses, many men are being pulled from all angles, not allowing them to properly catch a break. This is made even worse, as according to Pew Research Center, in 2017, around 71% of Americans thought that men being the 'breadwinner' was crucial to being a husband. And while this might not sound bad, the unbearable pressure of providing it all is bound to deteriorate anyone's mental health.
Still, these men continue to show up and do the responsibilities requested of them, even if it's draining. However, they can only be pulled in so many different directions until they finally collapse. This is why many of these men don't have solid friendships. As much as they'd love to, they're too exhausted.
5. They’re done putting up with toxic people
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Sorry to say, but some friends are just straight up negative. Whether it's trauma dumping or unnecessary comments towards their spouse, men who have no friends as they get older are tired of the negativity. There's nothing worse than hearing someone complain over and over again.
As much as they love their friends, taking it in on that negativity is bound to have an impact on them, one way or another. From feeling burned out to becoming more negative themselves, it's no surprise that staying in the company of negative people is bound to backfire.
According to the University of Georgia, negative interactions can lower self-esteem and worsen mental health. So, as much as their friends might criticize them, there's no denying that men who have no friends as they get older sometimes struggle because they're looking after their own health.
6. They're used to doing everything alone
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Men who have no friends as they get older usually are hyper individualistic. While this might sound like a boring answer, there's no denying that some men simply like being alone. Whether it's gaming until one in the morning or working out, many men don't feel the need to surround themselves with people all the time.
Blame it on being an introvert, but there's something truly magical about taking time to rest. Even if socialization is technically good for people's mental well-being, it's equally true to say that taking some downtime is equally good for men's mental health, even if others don't understand it.
According to Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., "Freedom from the presence of other people, along with their wishes and expectations, can offer opportunities to rest and feel relaxed." So, while the answer might be bland, the truth of the matter is that some men simply like being alone.
7. They have unresolved trust issues
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Blame it on their parents or past relationships, but nowadays, it seems everyone has trust issues, and men are no exception. Whether they struggle to open up to others or struggle with bonding, men who have no friends as they get older usually have unresolved trust issues.
Having unresolved trust issues destroys men's lives. From being unable to form strong connections to having second-guesses, having trust issues makes men and women become the most insecure version of themselves.
Still, it's important to seek professional help and find ways to work through those issues; otherwise, it might just take over their lives for the worse. As licensed clinical psychologist Yosi Amram, Ph.D, said, "By learning to trust ourselves, we can trust our judgment and learn to trust others, which builds connections and strengthens our bonds."
8. They depend entirely on their partner for emotional connection
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The best thing about having a partner is having a partner and a best friend all in one. Even so, it's not good to just depend on a partner for emotional intimacy. As easy as it may sound, only keeping their partner close while keeping everyone else at arm's length isn't healthy.
Not only does this shut everyone else out, but if men were to break up with their partner, they would be utterly alone. Still, this doesn't change the fact that men who have no friends as they get older usually rely solely on their partner for emotional intimacy.
Sure, they might not see anything wrong with this. But according to a study published in BioMed Research International, couples who are overly dependent are more likely to experience physical violence in their relationships. So, while it might be tempting, men, please look after yourself and make sure to have a good support group.
9. Their friendships faded with time
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One of the most common reasons men have no friends as they get older is simply because their friends drift apart. It's unfortunate, but life changes drastically after high school. What once was seeing one another every day turns into seeing each other during college breaks.
While this might be enough for some people, in the long run, these short breaks aren't enough to keep a friendship lasting for years. This is especially true as people make friends in college and slowly part from their old ones. So, as much as it sucks, the unfortunate truth is that time really does pull people apart.
10. They’re not in the same life stage as their old friends anymore
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In the past, men could stay up until the early morning hours doing whatever it was they pleased. However, as time passes, men who have no friends as they get older slowly struggle as they're at different stages in life. Sorry, but it's hard to meet up with a bestie when they're a father of two or recently married.
Sure, it might suck, but there's no denying that most people prefer to hang out with those who are physically close to them or are at similar life stages. Maybe it's because it's much easier to bond over the struggles of changing diapers, but as it stands, many men struggle to make friends as their friends slowly go their separate ways.
11. They don’t know how to fix things with old friends
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Finally, men who have no friends as they get older usually don't know how to rekindle old friendships. Okay, so maybe they weren't the best texters out there; however, it doesn't need to be doom and gloom forever. Even if it's hard, there are ways to make up for that negligence simply by saying 'sorry.'
Believe it or not, most people are very receptive to rekindling old friendships so long as their honest and have zero misunderstandings. So, if a man finds himself friendless, don't be afraid to hit up those old friends. Even if it's awkward at first, that awkwardness will pass, and it'll be smooth sailing from there.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
