Photo: Autumn Goodman on Unsplash
Same age, different stage.
By Tamara Sanon — Written on Jan 18, 2020
As you leave high school, everyone you grew up with sprints in different directions. Childhood friends are now successful entrepreneurs, engaged, expecting, or even moving in together.
With all the happiness around you, you can’t help but wonder when you’ll get your fairytale ending too.
I mean, you all did grow up in the same environment and took similar classes. Sometimes we look at the current state of our lives and can’t help but wonder “why am I not married yet” or “when am I going to get my promotion?”
Obsessively wondering why we're not in the same life stage as everyone else just leaves us dissatisfied. Even if you get the perfect answer to you your "why" and replicate the exact steps someone took to get their success doesn’t mean it will work out for you as well.
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Just because you and someone else are the same age does not mean you will experience the same things at the same. To be comfortable with where we’re at in our lives, we have to acknowledge that we determine where we end up. We all have different goals and the choices that we make affect where we end up. Our choices even dictate when we get there.
Growing up, I always heard the phrase we are “90% what we do and 10% of what happens to us.”
Having a victim mentality robs you from contentment. It constantly makes you believe that your shortcomings are because of others. Once we take accountability for our actions we’ll begin to accept our truth.
Maybe you aren’t in a relationship just yet, because you need to heal from your past. Maybe you didn’t get the promotion, because your boss has a better position for you. Whatever it may be, there is enough room for everyone to led successful lives, just be content while you wait. Here are some practical ways to be content and learn how to be happy with your life stage at the moment.
1. Live in the present.
Honestly, we have all made mistakes and done things we aren’t proud of, but that shouldn’t keep you from being hopeful. Your past failures do not stop you from having a successful future. Your present does. It’s often said, “there’s no time like the present”, so don’t let the shame of the past or the anxiety of the future keep you from being content.
Tomorrow has enough problems of its own, so focus on today. Be content in living in the moment instead of worrying about the next. If you can’t be content in the present when you finally accomplish what you want for the future it still won’t be enough. You’ll be on the next thing. So, just take a moment to stop and smell the roses.
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2. Expect the unexpected.
Life does not always go according to plan. Unfortunate events and surprises can derail us from our timeline. But that’s ok, that’s one of the very joys of life. If everything happened as planned we wouldn’t experience the joy that comes from surprises. Sometimes unplanned events lead us to a better outcome than we had originally planned.
To be content, you have to understand you are not in complete control of what happens to you. You have to be willing to roll with the punches, or you will always be disappointed when things don’t go according to plan. Things will not always go your way because outside factors can disrupt your plan. So be content in knowing that anything can happen, whether good or bad, it’ll be an opportunity for you to grow.
3. Stop comparing yourself to others. Seriously.
You need you to know who you are and be proud of that. Yourself confidence plays a huge role in how content you are in your life. Having self-confidence enables you to stop comparing yourself because you’ll be aware of how amazing you are.
Comparison robs your joy.
When you start to compare your life to others, remember that you only see half the picture. You aren’t aware of everything they endured to get to where they are. We only know about the good times they chose to share. But, everyone knows that life is made up of a combination of good and bad times. There will always be someone who seems like they’re doing better than you. But that doesn’t matter. Your only competition should be yourself. When you stop comparing yourself to others, you can spend more time being content in your own life.
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4. Limit your social media usage.
Social media isn’t a reliable source, it’s just a highlight reel where people share their best moments and hide the bad ones. Everyone wants to look like they’re living their “best life”. But that’s the farthest thing from the truth. Social media distorts our perception of reality. It makes us think we have to live and look a certain way, but in all actuality, we don’t. It's ok not to be happy or glamorous all the time, we are human after all.
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Social media can keep us from being content and happy about our lives if we obsess over it. Sometimes we just have to stop scrolling through Instagram and wishing we lived like these influences. As glamorous as their socials seem, we don’t know what they are going through.
5. Show gratitude.
We all have so much to be thankful for. To be alive and in good health is such a blessing. Not everyone gets that privilege. So we need to be appreciative of that and much more. Often we can take having a home or access to the internet for granted, because of how readily available they are. But some people don’t have the everyday luxuries we deem to be necessities.
Take an honest look at your life and acknowledge all the privileges and opportunities you are blessed with. Showing gratitude for what you have makes your content because you realize not everyone is lucky enough to live like you. We should all just be content in the fact that we were able to wake up and see another say.
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Tamara Sanon is a writer who covers pop culture, astrology, and relationship topics.