51 And Just Getting Married: How It Finally Happened For Me

Photo: Courtesy of the author
photo of author and husband provided by author

I felt like there was something out of sorts with me as I moved through my 20s. Throw in lots of insecurity and a dash of yo-yo dieting and weight management issues, and we have a nice recipe for loneliness.

I was out partying and playing and trying not to pay much attention to the fact that most of my friends were getting married. I just blocked it out for the most part and did my own thing.

When it was in my face, I just got through it as best as I could.

Oh, there were boys and dates and boyfriends but nothing truly substantial, as there was no way my psyche was truly ready for all that.

Easy come, easy go.

Well, not always "easy go" as I deeply suffered my share of heartbreak.

However, I was living in a world that focuses on the surface with really very little substance (which pains me to admit).

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The long wait for love

I really began to freak out about my love life in my 30s, but the process of self-exploration was in full-throttle mode. 

I had relationships but I really don’t remember most of them.

I guess I just blocked them out or lumped them into the abyss.

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I do know this: They didn’t work out and they didn’t end well.

I was also working on my career and beginning to understand more about trust, friendship, and change. I also learned first-hand about death and how real and deep it felt with the loss of my most precious lifelong supporter: my mom.

Everything changed after my mother died. My mom’s death was the first major catastrophe of my life.

It catapulted me forward as empathy, sympathy, openness, kindness, and awareness all began to come alive.

At the same time, my good old insecurities still loomed.

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Another decade with no love — what's going on here?

Then came another decade — my 40’s. Oh no, you have got to be kidding me.

I still hadn’t figured it out.

Was I still selecting the wrong men for myself? Oh, you bet. 

My favorites were the emotionally unavailable ones. However, I was starting to become more aware of my own habits.

I spent several years cut off from relationships due to a very bad ending of one of them early in the decade. I am, however, so thankful it happened because I learned so much about myself and it was truly the first time I started to really be myself as a couple.

My personality came alive and it was fun and energizing, yet filled with turmoil.

After 20 years of angst, the answers to my relationship woes became clearer. The build-up over the years must have been enough, as it was time — time for it to happen.

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A clear mind (finally) leads to love

Yes, the epiphany came into consciousness, a feeling that ran through me like none other. The best way to describe it is a fullness of life running through and within me that I never knew or felt before.

Suddenly, relationships didn’t matter at all. 

I actually wasn’t saying that, though. I was feeling it. That’s a must because lip service will only get you so far.

All that mattered was my own life and how I lived it.

That was it and there I was: me and only me. Believe me, once it happens, you want it, and you must have it. It’s life-altering.

I just took life as it came. The worry was over because I just couldn’t spend another moment giving a crap about anything except living a good life.

So ... did he ever show up? The One?

Yes, he did. Better late than never. And he's the most ethical, kind, warm, handsome guy ever.

That’s what a clear mind and heart did for me.

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So what about you? Is it time for you to breathe and have your own epiphany?

If you say it is, then it is. You can be open and pick what works for you.

I’m thrilled for you and your journey to unfold, allowing in whatever you choose, including the greatest guy in the world — if that’s what you want.

All photos: Author

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Lori Peters is a dating coach, radio show host, writer, and speaker on happiness and well-being. Her passion is to help others create more happiness in their loving relationships.